The Third Excerpt from My Mental Health Memoir: “Gray Poopon”.

Here is a small excerpt from my first book, “Gray Poopon”, which is the first volume of my series, “Conquering the Gifted Curse of Bipolarism”. This is a real-time memoir of the changes that I go through with prescription medication to aid my Bipolar 1 Disorder. This is a documentation of slowly discovering powerful interior and exterior changes while taking medication. This is extremely personal information where I provide brutal honesty regarding my fears, current life adversity, self-betterment, and the quest to finding balance.

This stuff is so real. I am furthering into adulthood, struggling with my bipolar disorder, trying to launch my career as an international man of prowess. The only thing I can control is my own health right now.

I could be making zero dollars and if I was mentally healthy, I’d be forever grateful. But, my mental health isn’t quite there yet and I’m tired of being a hurdle that I keep trying to jump over.

But, I am getting closer and closer.

Back when I was younger I was a pretty damn good hockey player. I was always the best on my team until I got to high school. I played hockey frustrated for four years in high school. There was a lot that went into this but to make things short, my best friend Remy Williams reminded me that you can’t play hockey well when you are holding the stick too tight because you are frustrated and that anyone in the world should know about this that it should be me. I played hockey with a chip on my shoulder and was absolutely pissed off at the world for four years. If you are frustrated, being angry isn’t going to help you do things well or make your life better. You need to clear your head and keep moving forward.

Everything is a process.

Basically, I am dealing with frustration for the first time that I feel centered with my life and I am not sure how to handle it.

Do you want more truth? I am a loser, a loveable one at that. The only way I have to go is up from here. There are no limits if you are at rock bottom. This is because I am a first round draft pick who was a bust. I got to go to the best schools, meeting great people, and I messed it all up due to my mental conditions. This is not an excuse anymore. I am moving forward and becoming better.

I’m not going to sell myself short because I have ambition and high hopes for myself with the type of drive that one needs to obtain their dreams. Without those things, I’d have no hope.

Making my parents proud is important to me. I want to be the best son that there is. I feel like I am nowhere near that because I have this expectation of myself and they have their own expectations of me. I am not even proud of myself so how can I make them proud?

My whole progression of life has always been two-step forwards one step back. Forget it, I believe in myself. I am not a loser at all. I have the ability to believe in myself and that is a very powerful notion. The upside is that I at least get to go one step forward. I can be thankful for that.

The good news is that in the last week at work, whenever my parents have usually stressed me out, I didn’t freak out or snap at them.

It was like my “X” factor has slowly diminished. I hope it continues to do so.

Right now, I have to relearn how to deal with every new emotion under the sun with this newly found centered state of mind. It is hard work. I feel like a baby learning how to walk for the first time. I do not know if any psychiatrist can relate to this at all.

But, treading water like this has never felt so great. I should be happy that I am going through this phase at age 24 versus 42. For people that may be going through something similar to me in any regard at an older age, be gracious that you have discovered something about yourself and you now know what you have to do to improve the quality of your life.

Want to read more?

If you would like to purchase a copy of my book on Amazon, here is the link to get your paperback copy.

Also, if you prefer the Kindle version, here is the link to purchase your ebook. 

 

 

 

Remember,

“The Zos Knows”

-David Zosel 

If you want to support my writing and for me to be able to create more content you can make a donation to either of these links:

Venmo or Patreon

Five Ways to Make a Living from Bitcoin.

Bitcoin is a lot of smoke and mirrors but, what if I tell you how I make money off of the cryptocurrency. This method is quite surprising because it works quite effectively. But, here are five ways that you can be a real hustler in the cryptocurrency game where you can quit your day job and trade Bitcoin all day.

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Stop reading if you do not believe me, but this is how I do it. So, take it or leave it.

1. You need to have CNN on all day. What most people don’t know is that CNN’s news coverage determines the rise and fall of your bitcoin stock. There are many things that determine if you should sell or buy. A notable one is when CNN broadcasts to discuss prices in prescription medication or anything related to a major economic health-related issue. You need to sell your bitcoin stock before the end of the day, seriously. Observing this can save you hundreds of dollars and make you thousands if you execute this correctly.

There are amongst many more, but be careful as they are very difficult to execute.

2. The next thing you need to do when you are trading Bitcoin is that you absolutely need to join forums within the cryptocurrency community. It is important to know what everyone else is doing in order to get the biggest edge. If I were you, I would connect three screens to your desktop in order to stay connected with all of the active forums all day, seriously. The most effective way to get major insider trading is to learn Japanese and to get in with one of their forums.

I learned basic Japanese, and it has really paid off.

3. When you learn Japanese, you need to go to Japan between one to three times a year. There are three very important underground cryptocurrency conferences that cover the greatest secrets of investing into Bitcoin. The people who attend these meetings, and run the seminars are usually pretty big time millionaires.

Oh, and by the way everyone is Japanese. Get ready to be the foreigner as you will be one of very few. This is a super secretive meeting that everyone is invited too but no one knows about it.

Please make a donation below, then email me for the specific details.

4. Always purchase more Bitcoin at the beginning of every month. Bills across the western world are being paid and when you pay bills, you are investing in yourself. You pay rent to live, electricity for light, and your cell phone bill for communication. Those are all investments. The point of this is to build a consistent purchasing cycle. Habitual purchasing by the table minimum will lead to more success up to 75% of the time.

Cryptocurrencies should not be treated as a weather forecasting investment platform. We know very little about it, and this is why if you are serious about making a living off of bitcoin investments, this means that you need to invest frequently.

5. Build a team of three to five people that you are investing with. Say each of you invests 5,000 dollars into bitcoin, then what you do is you need to invest in different options. Trading in teams helps discover success. You can split the money any way you want it. It is imperative to always team up in teams of odd numbers. If you have even people then there is less of a chance for making money. This is because one person invests more than the other two. In the case of a team of five, then there are two people that invest more money in the group. Then if those two people who invest a slight more then the other, three will jump on that bandwagon, which will also boost value in that bitcoin stock.

This takes major trust, communication, and patience. Yes, this will take time, but once you strike gold your return on investment will pay off.

All of these are very brief descriptions. I have traded bitcoin for three years, and it is a very risky thing to do with your money. I created these theories because there is little that we know about this market. Bitcoin is a major mystery, where we do not even know the creator of it, or where it even comes from. But, these are five things that you can control.

I have a lot of more detailed instructions on how to go about doing these five strategies effectively so you can make money. So, feel free to contact me and I will give you one on one consulting classes that will lead you to success. But, that is if only if you believe me or not.

Wink, wink, wink.

Remember, “The Zos Knows”. 

-David Zosel

If you want to support my writing and for me to be able to create more content you can make a donation to either of these links:

Venmo or Patreon

Romance, Marriage, Muses, and the Two Josephine’s.

Love is bliss, marriage is glorious, and harmony is powerful. Some of history’s greatest figures, Napolean and Beethoven, did not just become the icons that they are because of talent alone. They may have come up in solitude, but they took off when they fell in love, then proceeded to take the world by storm once they married a woman named Josephine. Marriage really has become a dying institution, with many divorces and forgotten children in our era of history in the United States the story of the Two Josephine’s is one that should be told as a reminder of the power of marriage.

Napolean and Beethoven had a major love-hate relationship, especially because during each of their primes they both had contradictory opinions about governing Europe that either favored or disagreed with each other. Most notably, during Beethoven’s Heroic Period was when Napolean instilled the idea of democracy in France after the revolution. Behind all of this were two love interests, a piano student named Josephine, and Empress Josephine. Each Josephine has been credited throughout history as the driving force behind these men.

 

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Empress Josephine, Napolean’s first wife.

 

They were not the primary romantic figures during the majority of each adversary’s lives, but they were the most crucial. They say behind every man is an even more powerful woman. As a cliche, selfish, and uneven as that sounds, men would be nothing without women. Personally, I do not like that saying but it is hard to disagree with the validity. Without these two Josephine’s, these men wouldn’t have been conquerors and the rulers in their own perspective divine right. Government and music would be so different today if it wasn’t for these two women who brought out the best in these men, and no one really makes a big note out of this.

The Two Josephine’s are just a small part of history as a mere footnote, and that isn’t just. There should be more information about these two women and their relationships with their respective counterparts.

 

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Although they never married, Josephine was Beethoven’s greatest muse.

 

The moral is that marriage brings a lot of powerful things because a man and a wife should bring out the best in each other. Maybe we are forgetting that more and more in this day and age because we seem to be giving up on people, in general, more and more these days. The divorce rate is up to a scary 50% in America and growing.

Imagine if Napolean had couples therapy back then, and he never divorced Empress Josephine. He probably would have never made so many irrational military decisions in the latter of his career. If there was online couples counseling, the world would be a lot different today, because he started to go downhill after he remarried with Marie Louise of Austria.

If you want to learn more about marriage counseling, click this link right here to find out more.

A lot of marriages are failing these days and I believe that it is destroying society. Children are the ones who become the most at danger when this happens. It breaks my heart every single time I find out that someone is getting divorced because marriage is a commitment and with that, it can be one of the most powerful polymerizations ever because it is all about teamwork. Moreover, divorce would destroy me. Many marriages would be better if the husband and the wife clearly understood that they are on the same side.

We all need our Beethoven or Josephine to stand beside each other, and that can either take us to fly far or crash. We need more flight in this world. As for me, come on now Josephine, show yourself to me.

Remember, “The Zos Knows”. 

-David Zosel

If you want to support my writing and for me to be able to create more content you can make a donation to either of these links:

Venmo or Patreon

My Confidance Friend From Chicago.

Her name is Ziba. Try to pronounce that name without messing it up, and yes she is amazing just like her name. She is one of those very people who smile when they speak. Her name starts with the letter Z, and just like the letter she will always have your back.

My friend Ziba lives in Chicago and she owns an awesome dance company! It has amazing wordplay. Ziba calls it, “Confidance Chicago”. I really wish that I thought of something that cool.

Ziba is one of the most confident upstanding people that you can meet, and for her to teach a confidence class through the art of dance is amazing. I have a friend who teaches classes on how to be confident but is disguised as a hip-hop dance class. How cool is that?

Since I live far from Chicago, I can’t ever take one of her classes. Which brings up the problem for this article that I wouldn’t know what I’m writing about. But, so I’ll make it about this that I need to take this class because it is so amazing to know that someone out there in this world has the strength, energy, and charisma to do this.

My plan is to attend one of her classes when I go to Chicago next. Then, I will write more into detail about what I know about Confidance Chicago.

I love it when my friends do cool things and tell me about it. So, it is only right to be supportive in big and small ways. I have talked to Ziba about Confidance Chicago plenty of times, and I even saw her during my last visit there in December. That is a way of being supportive, but now I am ready to take the next step forward by taking a class.

I can’t wait to meet people who are taking her classes, to see her studio, and for the class discussion. Self-reflecting is very important for having good and well balanced mental health. A lot of self-reflection can be visualized through dancing, and with hip-hop music becoming the most popular music that is dominating the game right now, she could possibly start a chain of dance factories all over the US. This is because of the need due to the growing demand of people wanting to learn how to dance with hip-hop music.

Imagine the lights. Confidance “Your City Here”.

There is so much potential in this opportunity that she created for herself. I can’t wait to see it grow, and I want to do my best to help her spread the good word about her mission. This is why I need to take one of her classes, which makes me so ecstatic because even I need a confidence boost.

We all need a confidence boost in our lives. This is why we should all do something different and try new things. I haven’t taken a dance class since high school, and dancing isn’t a regular thing for me like when it was when I was going to school.

Anyway, the next time that you find yourself in Chicago, be sure to check out one of her dance classes! You can find out more about her dance company here at confidancechicago.com.

Keep reading so that I can keep you posted about my experience of taking a dance class from my amazing friend Ziba.

Remember, “The Zos Knows”. 

-David Zosel

If you want to support my writing and for me to be able to create more content you can make a donation to either of these links:

Venmo or Patreon

Top Five Foods of Happiness.

As I have been slowly transitioning into the most exciting years of my adulthood at age 25, I have come to realize what my top five little trinkets of foodie love are that instantly make me happy. This should go for everyone because when depression strikes, we should all know what will cheer us up for at least five minutes to make us forget about our stressful situations.

Here’s mine, and most importantly I’d love to know what yours are as well!

1. Pancakes.

My Father would always make my family pancakes every Sunday when I was growing up. There have been countless memories ever since I was a boy of him making pancakes. Now as an adult, every time that I eat pancakes I always think of the great memories that I had of him making pancakes. One memory to point out was whenever the last blueberry pancake was up for grabs, he would always give it to my little sister because she was simply his “Little Blueberry”.

 

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My favorite pancakes in Minneapolis since I was young are from The French Meadow. 

 

2. Caffeine. From Coca-Cola, Coffee, and Tea. (Anyway you can get it).

This stimulant of the methylxanthine class makes the world go round and round. I have countless stories of how the three have saved my life, not only because it gives me focus and energy but when it has jolted happiness in my life. Most notably Coca-Cola because of the fact that it almost cures everything for me. Stress, depression, anxiety, headaches, and even the common cold. Whenever I think of Coke, it reminds me of my childhood and the good times that I had drinking it at a birthday, pool, hockey, and all sorts of childhood parties and celebrations.

 

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Canteen 3255 has been my caffeine fix ever since I was a senior in college. I have written numerous articles, books, screenplays and have completed many projects here. 

 

3. Doughnuts.

This energy packed pastry was the last to enter my list which is now a major staple in my Top 5. After I had my first ever major hospitalization in my life, my cousin took me to Bogart’s Doughnuts on 36th and Bryant in Minneapolis and it changed my life. I love Bogart’s with all of my heart, and whenever I go there it is my duty to purchase more doughnuts to give to some of the people that I will see during that current day. Why? Well, because it would be selfish to eat these amazing doughnuts all to myself. My favorite coffee shop, Canteen 3255, sells Bogart’s on Friday’s, which makes me ecstatic because it combines two of my top five favorite places in Minneapolis.

 

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I love Friday’s at Canteen because I can get my favorite coffee and doughnuts at the same place. 

 

4. Vietnamese food.
Pho, bun bo hue, bun rieu, broken rice, bun, spring rolls, and Vietnamese ice coffee; it is all amazing. You probably grew up on mac and cheese with hot dogs, well I grew up eating Pho. Vietnamese food is so healthy for you that it is insane why Americans don’t just change their diets over completely to eating yummy Vietnamese cuisine. If I could choose one lunch and dinner food for the rest of my life, it would be Vietnamese food due to its history of Indo-Chinese colonization from France, because the French influence fuses both east and west cultures together. This is the secret to why Vietnamese food is one of the world’s greatest gems. Besides my Mother, Pho Tau Bay on Eat Street is my favorite place to get Vietnamese food as I have been a patron there since I was a boy.

 

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Bun Rieu, tomato, and crab based broth Vietnamese noodle soup. If you have never had it before, Pho Tau Bay serves it as a special from Friday-Sunday. I highly recommend it. 

 

5. Pizza.
Your friends can’t always be there for you at three in the morning, but pizza will. I could write an article about the history of pizza and why it is so significant to the world. In my personal opinion, pizza is the official food of the world. I mean, who doesn’t love a good pizza party?

 

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Pizza can be hi-tie or low-brow. But, nothing beats a simple pepperoni pizza. 

 

Notice how three of the five on my list are various forms of glucose. Sugar is the most addictive substance in the world and is even more addictive than cocaine, and the reason for this is because sugar makes you happy! What are your top five happiness foods that instantly make you happy when you are depressed, anxious, or just down in the dumps? Comment below and let me know what makes you happy at first bite! I’d love to find out.

Remember, “The Zos Knows”. 

-David Zosel

If you want to support my writing and for me to be able to create more content you can make a donation to either of these links:

Venmo or Patreon

A Love Letter that I Wrote for Some Girl.

Last year, my heart was severely broken by a girl that I dated for a few months before I released my book. In my past, I have started several major projects that I would never finish because of my perfectionistic tendencies. But without her, I wouldn’t have been able to pull the trigger and publish my book. My romance with her gave me the power to accomplish my passionate goals, and that was the greatest gift of all. Without further adieu here is my love letter to SOME GIRL. 

Dear SOME GIRL,

These words are for you because of the ensuing agape. Personally, I write all of the time but this is the hardest thing that I’ve put to paper because I have to play it straight and take my chance.

In our small fleeting moment, you have been the most honest influential-realistic, and the greatest person that will ever have entered my life in my 20’s. You saw right through me more than anyone, and it was an exhilarating freight that perpetuated laughter and smiles.

You were the final push for me to find Phi, the golden symmetrical perception of life’s beauty. My gifted curse has no impact amongst what you are about to read that will unfold in this letter. My clarity is at the greatest that I have ever been.

There is nothing more in the world that I respect more than peoples faith, ambitions, and following of a journey. Your journey is like Odyseuss’, trying to find your way back home to SOME COUNTRY and that is the utmost admirable. You are on an odyssey and I wish I could be in your plans to arrive at that destination alongside.

In the end, the journey’s brought joys that outweigh the pain.

The pain that I have in my heart has brought me this joyous perspective at a pivotal point in my life. You came to me at the right time, but I came at the wrong time for you but that is fine because I want to be your timeless friend.

The best friend that you will ever have.

Maybe someday we can achieve our strong potential of the powerful bond of romanticism. I feel it coming because the stars say that we will align again; in some way.

With this subtle romance, I don’t want to be a footnote in your life. It was the greatest zing of romantic pushes that I have ever had, and that I thank you. I may only exist in the shadows of your heart, but your shadow will always be with me where ever I go. Your presence pervades, but for now, it won’t show.

What we had was short and sweet and you saw it before your eyes, while I felt it in my mind and soul.

The day when you came into my family’s restaurant for pho, I knew that I was in love. When you had coffee with me, I knew that I absolutely needed and had to marry you. My gut told me all of this. Not my heart and head, but with my gut. These three simple words are too strong along with all of the feelings that I have for you. I don’t want you to ever scare you away from me but remain in your life somehow. All I need is your friendship, having you in my life, talk to, laugh and, share ideas with. There will always be a part of me that will love you but not having you at all is worse than nothing in my life.

With your journey, I am ready to go in any direction with you. But right now, you have left me directionless as this is where I have to exit on this highway. You need to keep going, and I don’t want to be a dead end for you.

You steered us to safety before it was too late. Knowing from day one, I knew that I had to be ready for what you needed from me in a relationship and I am ready for it. I seriously am, still, and want to convert to SOME RELIGION, learn SOME LANGUAGE, live in SOME CITY, have kids that go to SOME RELIGIOUS BUILDING and SOME RELIGIOUS SCHOOL, become a good father, taking my life in that direction to find the balance of faith and love with you. Never have I been ready for anything in my entire life.

Love isn’t about three small words, but about the changes that you make. I hope this letter finds you with the hope and optimism that I will make all of these changes for you. I appreciate that you did not want to put me under that kind of pressure, and that is the utmost respectable, but I was ready to make those changes for you.

But if you really did not want me too, then it wasn’t meant to be. 

SOME GIRL, I am ready for this chance to step forward with determination and commitment.

Damn it, I love you. Not the idea, your exterior, but the oh so glorious you. It is your light, charm, passion, wisdom, story-telling, values, culture, and faith that you stow upon me is what I love. Need to mention that beauty mark above your lip. I am going to miss everything about you. 

What you did for me is greatly appreciated and I couldn’t thank you enough. You could have been selfish and ended it later, but you nipped it before our romance got out of hand. In my intuition, I know you are the one for me. But with this glimpse, I know what I am looking for now; a reincarnation of your soul. One can dream. You gave me the love that I need, and now I know all I need is you. You provided a love in my life that is so powerful, giving me the strength and potential to be spectacular, and it was in my hands for a short time. I need to get that back somehow without you in my life, but that subtle sweet sensation came from you. I do not know how I will deal with not having this anymore, but now I am on a quest to find and harness it forever.

It would be so much easier if you were by my side, but for now, I must walk alone. 

This love surpasses all that I had ever had been through. I will never expect you to feel this way or to reciprocate this to me because that would be selfish of me. I hope that I impacted your life in a positive way or will get the opportunity to.

You are the light that gave me the wings to take flight. A gift that will be far away from me, but I need to hold on to all of the little gifts that you gave me close to my heart.

Until we meet again, may your soul be held gently and all of the things you wished for will come to you in the most beautiful way. As I stand afar, I will always be grateful for what we had.

Deep down, I am wishful that one of these many words are the magical words that will bring our love back together. Possibly in another life. 

Thank you for everything.

Once more, I will always love you more than you will ever know. You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever known, the greatest soul that has ever been felt with my heart.

Love will always be in my heart for you.

But for now, I can’t love you anymore.

Sincerely,

David Zosel

Although I never gave this letter to her, I wrote it to cope with the pain. At the time I didn’t understand the notion of why something so good happened to me, and why it was taken away from me despite the relationship being so amazing for the both of us. The reason why I never gave it to her was that I don’t think that she would be able to handle such words because it would have destroyed her emotionally. It was hard for me not to give it to her, but sometimes doing nothing is the hardest thing to do. 

Remember, “The Zos Knows”. 

-David Zosel

If you want to support my writing and for me to be able to create more content you can make a donation to either of these links:

Venmo or Patreon

A Coming of Death Story.

As I have come of age, like Will Hunting, Holden Caulfield, or Peter Parker, there are many realities that hit you hard in the head as an adult, one of them being death. When I turned 24, many people in my life started dying. From family members, friends, and old acquaintances more people have been passing away in my life.

 

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Jon Snow’s resurrection in Game of Thrones could really scratch the surface of a coming of death story. 

 

This isn’t a coming of death story, but I am writing this from a young person perspective of realizing the realities of death.

There is a major genre of literature, poetry, music, and cinema that reflects on a youthful protagonist that comes of age, known as the “coming of age story”. With all of the things that I believed in my heart when I was young, they all just seem like coasters for beers and clean surfaces for the naive negligence of the cruel reality of death. With that, as I have grown older in my life story, I have realized that death is a real thing in this life.

They say that once you turn 50, you will be going to more funerals than weddings. I have been to more funerals than weddings in my 20’s, and I hate funerals. Man, they are stressful, emotional, and very morbid. These are adjectives that I do not like to associate myself with.

One can argue that death is beautiful rather than it is tragic. If one lives a full life, was a good person, and left the world a better place then yes, life coming to an end is beautiful. But, if one is a horrible person such as a murderer, then their death means justice. I may be wrong, but what I am right about is that death means that there are many mysteries of definitions. For example, I had to watch my Grandfather slowly die every day in the hospital for over a month and a half. Now looking back on that experience, I wish he would have died a beautiful death which would have been swift.

This is not just.

Why do people on death row have it easy when they are sentenced the death penalty? Whereas, a person who lives a good full life has to suffer from a disease, cancer, or a virus that doctors fight to save them from. This causes suffering, and no death is worth suffering unless there will be the triumph in the end.

Many people on their death beds either decide to fight or accept death. Some people grow old and realize that they do not have any real reason to be around anymore, and others have reasons to stick around. There are so many factors when it comes to all of this.

Do we accept death or do we reject it? But, that is the point! When we are younger, we tend to reject the concept of dying. But as we grow older and we experience more people’s lives coming to an end, we come to understand that death is a part of life; the only thing that is guaranteed in life.

With that, there are many coming of age stories. But, why aren’t there any coming of death stories? Yes, there is the tragedy genre that always ends in death, but we never really learn anything about death. Shakespeare’s “Macbeth” is a tragedy where death leads to the advancement of one’s own self-betterment of taking power in the world. This is why tragedies are what they are, but why aren’t there any coming of death stories?

If death changes, influences, and effects people then why isn’t this a major genre? I define the coming of death story is one’s acceptance of death and how it changes your perspective on reality. I may be utterly wrong about this but this concept of a coming of death story has been making me scratch my head for the last six months.

In my case, after seeing so many loved ones die in the past year I have realized that I am lucky that my parents are healthy, my sister is safe, and my friends are taking care of themselves. At any moment we could fall to the ground, never wake up from our sleep, have an allergic reaction to something, and etcetera.

Once we come of age, we will eventually come to the realization of death. My realization is that I am truly blessed for good health. This article isn’t about a coming of death story, but I wanted to throw the idea out there for a novel, movie, or maybe a song that could be produced.

Who knows, maybe I could write that book. But, I am not really certain of what this new school thought of a genre that I may or may not have created.

This has been something that has been really bothering me upstairs in my head for quite some time, and it has been very difficult for me to process it to create my own conclusions. What is your definition or interpretation of a coming of death story? Feel free to comment below so that I can learn from your thoughts.

Remember, “The Zos Knows”. 

-David Zosel

If you want to support my writing and for me to be able to create more content you can make a donation to either of these links:

Venmo or Patreon