My Newfound Joy.

Sometimes when new doors open, the old ones are hard to close. With significant life changes that occurred within the past two years, I’ve discovered different things that have made me happy, but I now have been put in a new dilemma where I have to slam the doors on the old ones.

My goals have now changed to become more realistic and attainable, and I have to do that by dividing them into primary, secondary, and tertiary goals like I have always done.

Closing doors has always been easy for me, but it’s harder to process certain emotions as I’ve matured and become more present in my life.

I write these down with this notion in mind: happiness is only temporary, but joy can last forever.

Joyfulness is waking up with hair in your mouth from the woman you love. It’s getting tangled up by two leashes by your dogs and feeling the purring vibrations from your cat when he melts like butter on top of your back. It’s taking pride in your house and embracing the responsibilities. Joy is finding out that you cherish every moment with your friends or family because you never know when you will see anyone again in this new COVID-filled world. It’s holding on tight to those fleeting memories and regretting you didn’t take a picture because you were too much in the moment.

I find joy in watching reality TV and exercising with my wife. Puzzles at Christmas, and singing karaoke on New Year’s Eve.

Doing DIY projects and fixing things with my two hands bring me great satisfaction. I can’t really escape how giddy I get when I go to the hardware store because I can take my dogs. I love taking my dogs everywhere and stuffing my cat in a bag whenever I have to take him someplace.

I feel so much weight on my shoulders. As I grow older, I need to be smart and strong for more responsibilities and life changes. Every day I need to work to get better at everything. Each moment in life is an opportunity to learn and improve. But why do I find joy in this? I feel alone, and I’m too scared to share that. I hate being vulnerable.

I’m so blessed in life. My family is healthy, and I have good days and nights. I have good relationships, and I get to sleep in a warm house with hot meals. Every day I’m thankful.

But why do I find joy in being more responsible? It’s daunting. I’m chasing things that I didn’t want to pursue years ago. But, those old things I once chased will always take me nowhere. It was and will always be a waste of time. Why are these new things, the new things that bring me joy, so scary? Why have I embraced them and loved them, yet am still scared of this newfound joy?

What’s in the past is over and the door is closed and what brings me joy is being in the now with my wife.

Joyfulness is kissing your wife good night. It’s creating a vision and working to accomplish it. I also find joy in prioritizing, planning, and executing.

Maybe I find joy in the poetry in life; the color it brings to the pallet. Then I find joy in the fundamentals; responsibility, prioritizing, planning, and on so forth.

Maybe I was painting the wrong picture of happiness, and now with this new door open, it is time to paint the portrait of joy?

Joy is a warm fuzzy sweater that isn’t yours. Any shade of grey or gold clothing or interior decor. It’s a black dog that hops like a bunny. Joy is that perpetual feeling of cleaning the kitchen over and over again because it never ends.

It’s laundry and beer with old friends. I find joy in building a bonfire for people to enjoy for five whole minutes.

I find joy in talking to old friends on the phone. Joy is when your wife calls you every day when she comes home.

Kaley gives me joy. Kaley times a kabillion.

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