With this year’s Thanksgiving in the books, there were a few discoveries that we should be making at this point in time. Questions have always been posed towards what we are thankful for. In many foreign countries, the idea of gathering with all of your friends, family, and neighbors happens almost every day. So, why do we have this behemoth get together maybe once or twice a year? Sometimes not even ever. With a new perspective, there may be some things that the westernized American culture is missing during the times of these consumeristic capitalism holidays ensuing the hellish bedlams that we either loathe or love. With that, how should we be thankful?

Many of us are thankful for our family, friends, vocations, opportunities, possessions, health and on and on soever the per usual of what we say at the table. Here is a notion that is a revelation that is worth discovering on your own beautiful odyssey.

Hold all graces, afar, right here.

Keep them in your heart. All of the fertile furtive feelings, love, lost evenings, lust, and last minutes; hold on to them for dear life. If there is a star amongst your moons that you long for, that is indeed a gift. Virtuously so, if we have not obtained that moon buried and lost beyond our wildest dreams, then we should most imperatively be thankful for the fact that we have something so real, beautiful, and unobtainable in our lives that keep us moving along in life.

The chase, time spent, and honeymoon phase of the pursuit of the moon is great. But, that is not the best part of it despite its glory due to the emotional content that comes with it. If we view this from the idea that the moon may disappear at a moments notice, then all is lost. If all anticipation, desire, and lust towards that metaphor of the moon are lost and forgotten; that is the bad part. When you forget about your own “personal” moon, life will become a shanty. Even if you lose it, then find another one. Have the hope to find another one to search for. Believe in one’s self that once your moon is gone that you miss it because the heartbreak is the absolute best part. If you think the best part is of your finger pointing to the moon is the most enjoyable part then you are missing all of its glory because when it becomes lost then you are missing the point of emotional content.

No, the best part is the heartbreak; missing, yearning, and following your path. Once you forget, it becomes bad because your heart will stop beating for it.

The feeling of your body being connected to your own spiritual life force is the energy of creation. This is the conclusion to this point of what we should be thankful for. Holding all graces, afar, right here in our hearts. This poetic justice falls under the idea as emotional content, in which will help you become a human being from a fleeting moment to another. Once emotional content is created by the self, it enables you to produce openness, receptivity, and awareness to your natural surroundings. With channeling your inner emotional content, you can finally be in a state of connectivity rather than isolation because you can relate to what your environment that shapes, flows and crashes like a river.

Be thankful that you can hold all of your gifts (Graces), from a distance of hope (afar) in your heart right now in your life.

As Bruce Lee once said, “Emotional content. It’s like a finger pointing to the moon. Don’t concentrate on the finger or you will miss all that heavenly glory.”

Be grateful rather than thankful that we can all hold all graces, afar, right here; in our hearts.

This is a notion that all of the mankind has had ever since we were able to make fire. This idea falls under so many aspects of our lives that we tend to be oblivious towards and we should take into consideration of how we should be thankful for it.

Remember, “The Zos Knows”. 

-David Zosel

If you want to support my writing and for me to be able to create more content you can make a donation to either of these links:

Venmo or Patreon

I will give 10% of the proceeds to ONETREEPLANTED, a charity that plant trees to restore life to degraded lands all over the world. For every dollar donated there will be one tree planted. 

An impending plane crash may or may not happen this season with the Minnesota Vikings this year. In a position to win the NFC North, the Vikings are in a hunt to win the big game this year. This is it. If you ever meet a Vikings fan, look at their forearms because you will see scars from all of the heartbreak, and history of bad luck. But things are about to change for the better.

Since Teddy Bridgewater’s possible career-ending injury, I have heavily researched reasons for the franchise’s bad luck. After long hours of research, I have come up with a few strong reasons for our misery. With that, I have come up with partial and full proof solutions to the “The Curse of Thor’s Missing Mjollinar”.

Why did the Vikings, a powerful group of scavenging seafarers disappear? The answer stems from Christianity conversion eliminating raiding and without this, Viking culture does not exist. The Minnesota Vikings play football, representing the Norse-rooted Christian state of Minnesota. It is quite the oxymoron because the Viking’s were the most powerful people in the world until their christening. Our football team wears kryptonite rung around their necks, which is represented by Christian culture.

Is it a coincidence that we lost to the Saints in the NFC Championship game in 2009?

The last time the Vikings won a championship was in Minnesota in 1969. The Ed Thorp Memorial Trophy was awarded to the Vikings during the last year the NFL championship was played. Like the Stanley Cup, it stays with the team. No one knows where trophy’s whereabouts are, losing our credibility as champions.

The sole championship trophy doesn’t exist in our trophy case. This is unbeknownst to as the Ed Thorp Memorial Curse making it one of the most oblivious but now relevant curses in sports.

Hence why I am rebranding this curse as the missing trophy represents Thor’s stolen hammer. Don’t you see? “Thor-p”. Thor’s name is right there! In Viking folklore, “Thor’s Stolen Hammer” is a popular tale. In its mythology, there is a conflict between the Vikings and the Giants. Thor was hailed as the Giant destroyer. His mjollinar was stolen by a Giant, refusing to return it. Thor then rides into Giantland, seizing the hammer himself and destroys the Giant with a single blow.

The 2000 NFC Championship loss to the Giants parallels this perfectly. We need to get our hammer back because, without it, Thor and the Vikings are nothing. This is the reason why we have not been able to win a title because we do not have that trophy/mjollinar anymore. But Thor retrieved it so, what can we do to break this curse? Well, there are two ways that Vikings fans can go about this.

A memorial of Norse God’s outside of US Bank Stadium will pay homage to our Viking roots. Imagine seeing Thor, Oden, and Loki as bronze statues, wearing Tarkenton, Allen, and Moss jerseys.

Picture a beautiful bronze hammer stuck in the ground which is surrounded by the statues. This could be a rebranded replica of the missing trophy.

This could pay tribute to the Norse God’s that the Viking people once worshiped, in order to free us from the curse and to win a Super Bowl.

The only way to break a curse is to overcome. Making shamanistic offerings, finding a missing hammer, connecting historical and folklore dots is all fun and games, but this a year of must needed capitalization. The last time we won was when the championship was in Minnesota. Granted the Super Bowl was held in the Metrodome, that stadium was shared with two other teams. US Bank Stadium is ours and we need to defend our homeland. Rest assure because our dominating defensive is in its prime, along with an offense with vast potential. In order to break the “Curse of Thor’s Stolen Mjollnir”, we need to hammer home a Super Bowl when the game is played in our home.

When we are victorious, remember who told you first:

Me.

If you would like to read the 3000 word satirical essay version of this reduct, click on this link.

Remember, “The Zos Knows”. 

-David Zosel

If you want to support my writing and for me to be able to create more content you can make a donation to either of these links:

Venmo or Patreon

I will give 10% of the proceeds to ONETREEPLANTED, a charity that plant trees to restore life to degraded lands all over the world. For every dollar donated there will be one tree planted. 

Ever since the Neanderthals faced off against humans thousands of years ago, Robots vs Humans could be the next and greatest rivalry of mankind. The AI Hollywood blockbusters are slowly becoming a reality ever since the film “Metropolis” portrayed the first ever robot on screen who unleashed chaos amongst its fictitious city workers. This may be one of the most relevant films in cinematic history because of all of its futuristic themes that have predicted modern day issues back in 1926 when it was released.

Here they are and they are here to stay.

The human race is facing an oblivion due to the laziness of mankind which has stemmed from us perpetually creating tools to cut down the world’s process utilization time for human advancement. This progression is exponentially growing to the point where software, technology, and robots could replace everything that humans do; leaving us blowing in the dust and wind.

The reality is that robots cost less than an average salary of a human worker. This caused a major dilemma for Charlie in the film, “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory” when his father was replaced by a robot who put on toothpaste caps more efficiently.

Automation anxiety is a major developing economic issue that we as humans are slowly becoming aware of. This issue amongst humanity is not only because of robots but also due to the major advancements in artificial intelligence

Historically due to these developments, economies have grown and standards of living have been raised. For example, when horses replaced cars, it provided people to become more mobile, in turn also the ability to find more forms of work. With an ever-growing world population, there have been developments from the plow, tractor and aerial fertilizing machines that have helped supply food for the planet. If we were to have never come up with these technological advancements, the world’s economy, the standard of living and or population would have never have grown, survived, and flourished the way that it has.

But, now everything is changing for the better or worse. Here is a simple prompt to think about: Do you love your local barista and or bartender who makes your drink just ever so the way you like it? The reality is that robots now remember who people are and even know how you like your coffee and cocktails. The pink collar service industry slowly will become automated, run by a one person in the kitchen and front of the house, lead by AI robots who serve you with a push of a button. Now, we even have robots like Baxter, a general purpose robot who can bring the food or drink to you. With that, picture the number of jobs that will slowly be decimated.

The self-driven car could drastically change insurance premiums and that entire industry which heavily relies on misfortunate events. This is because AI robotic self-driven cars are now learning how to drive without error. The world could have no traffic, speeding tickets, accidents, and road rage ever again. Many industries will change drastically with these new advancements in the same way that this one will.

Lawyers, doctors, and programmers are humans that get tired, make mistakes, and cannot work 24/7 and robots can do quite the opposite. Computer programmers have created AI systems that can develop upon itself, perpetually program, and find more solutions to issues like cancer at a higher rate than any human can. Look at IBM’s Watson right now, as it is discovering many groundbreaking ventures that humans have longed for.

The worst case scenario that if all jobs are eliminated by AI robots, we can resort to another renaissance era of music and art. But there is no such economy that can be built around the concept “music-poem- and-painting” due to these industries being built upon popularity. Oh and yes, robots are writing music, newspapers, designing images, taking photos and one robot is even editing this article right now.

Thank you, Grammarly!

Another question that is if we should worry about the income of vast labor markets. This is called automation anxiety, causing a major campaign for social unrest, which is an organized rebellion against a changing society.

Technology has historically destroyed jobs but we actually have never really run out of work because automation creates higher human productivity. This is because labor-saving inventions cause companies to do more with less and can expand.

In this exact day and age versus even 20 years ago, it hard to visualize the jobs that come next in this ever so fast-changing technological world. So should we be worried about this predicament that we are facing? No, because if we focus on things that we can’t control then we risk neglecting things that we can.

What we should be worried about is the human advantage in the intangibles of our emotions, in which robots do not have. The fact that we are competitive, drove out the Neanderthals. Since we love and care about one another, the human race has been able to develop because of the emotional content that we brought to the world. This is something that robots do not have… yet.

Now, we must ask ourselves these pertaining questions. Why did we develop feelings, emotions, and ethics? What about our biology and survival depended on these traits? Do robots have a hierarchy of needs that they will strive to fulfill at a cost to others? Isn’t that why we have ethics and morals; to ensure our base instincts that don’t rule us? Will self-aware systems fear death? Is there death in their world? I can build a new robot and download the program to it and it is the same robot, minus the time since the last backup.

If they have motivations, there is a strong chance that it will be based on an entirely different set of criteria. But, if they developed the same emotional content as humans have, we may have the reality of a Hollywood blockbuster on our hands. Not like “Her”, but more so a horror-psychological-thriller film.

As said before, if we focus on things that we can’t control then we risk neglecting things that we can. What we can control is the pace of development and the coexistence between technology and man that can positively ensure our development and survival. Moreover, there are so many other issues that we can focus on and control rather than worry about the irrational fear of robots taking over the world.

Remember, “The Zos Knows”. 

-David Zosel

If you want to support my writing and for me to be able to create more content you can make a donation to either of these links:

Venmo or Patreon

I will give 10% of the proceeds to ONETREEPLANTED, a charity that plant trees to restore life to degraded lands all over the world. For every dollar donated there will be one tree planted. 

Let’s begin at the beginning.
She was the seventh of eleven.
Smack dab between five boys and six girls.
She didn’t know that she would make a splash in the western world.

Always good at mathematics,
but never good on her “grammatic’s.”
Riding buses, boats, and failing drivers classes
to have a perfect record in this story we call love.

Her son was an overly ambitious eccentric who’s slowly finding Phi,
despite finding constant heartbreaks and failures all he does is try.
His sister is a winner, who wins on perpetual lucky happenstantial happy accidents.

She works over 100 hours a week, just to play her part. Dreaming about her passions of growing a culinary revolution from a Kingfield neighborhood wine bar. The concept was unexpected but she made it bloom and grow.

Cooking for all with a dream.
Her Mother’s cuisine saved her from long bus rides in dark cold weather; all before she met the man who she called Teacher Mike.

Then her reign began at King’s when she became queen.

Andrew is the glue who holds the big black shoe.

David is her son, a young man with a sense of duty and honor. Then there was Griffin B. who was in the same search of manhood. At 17 and 24, little did they know that they were identical different reincarnations.

John is our Saint Vincent and Quinn writes ballads the same as Paul engineers and sets the tone.

Simon slaps you in the face with four claws, and Hakim is the safest sax that’s blown the baritone.

Griffin T. screams Oasis and Ogden jump’s over some dirt mountains that we’ve never seen.

Aaron is the spiraling robot quarterback in the history of all football’s that ever been thrown.

Jay slays dishes like she wants him to clone. Brianni is the big sister that we all wish we had known.

Brigitta is her daughter whose the light in all our lives that is a flickering.

Chi is our drama queen with Tim, the man of her dreams as they sit and drink a bottle of Angeline.

Mike turns tablecloths into yoga mats that we never knew we will never own.

But, that is my Father and don’t forget that.

Shane smiles at strangers and Lesa is the most dangerous gal I’ve ever known, with yoga lessons and wine flights, she’s the neighborhood diva with all the hindsight.

Frankie seems to be James Dean’s reincarnated ghost, but Max may be the only help we ever need.

Life is about rolling eggrolls, folding wontons, and slaving over hot stoves. Mentoring molded young minds to have great skills for the future shows. Being on center stage, making miracles happen from minimum wage. The burning of our tongues from too many jalapenos and being cured of hangovers by drinking the fresh, light and healthy broth.

All my Mom knows is how to run a restaurant and the only thing left to do is to eat some pho.

And the only thing left to do is get some wine at nine.

Epilogue:

This is my family’s restaurant and everyone who works for my parents is my family too.

My family provides hopes and dreams for people. We are supporting many teenager’s ambitions of becoming musicians. My Mom and Dad are helping someone purchase a house, a car, and for me to be my best self that I can ever be. This my extended family that is filled with little brothers that I always wished I had, brought me closer to my little sister, gave me a big brother and sister, a crazy auntie and none of this would be possible if my Mom didn’t have a dream to share her food with the world. This is why we have stayed as a running operation because we are one big family. This is what makes my Mom so special.

The best part is that she doesn’t even know it. She deserves to get more credit and appreciation for what she does every day. This is why I wrote this poem about her and all of the lives that she has touched at Kings Wine Bar. 

I knew the owner of Kings Wine Bar before she was famous because before that, she was and will always be my Mother; the most amazing woman that I will ever know.

Remember, “The Zos Knows”. 

-David Zosel

If you want to support my writing and for me to be able to create more content you can make a donation to either of these links:

Venmo or Patreon

I will give 10% of the proceeds to ONETREEPLANTED, a charity that plant trees to restore life to degraded lands all over the world. For every dollar donated there will be one tree planted. 

Being spiteful, having hate in your heart, and seeking major redemption upon others in your past could possibly be one of the worst qualities of any human being. It isn’t good for anyone’s aura, the energy of the world, and for your own self. Planning your life around bringing others down of whom may have severely wronged you in your past is a waste of time. There are more productive ways to use your time wisely.

Even if that isn’t the case, it is important to try your best not to let those things bother you. A great piece of advice to let that frustration go is the to “offer it up to the world”. Let it go and do not sweat the small stuff.

This an easy notion, but a hard action.

If anger fills your heart from past situations then you won’t have any room for the love and joy that it deserves. For those of you who struggle with this predicament and have been for a majority of your life, think of this approach;

Don’t hate, pity.

Hate is a strong word and we should never use it because the power of it has can alter the energies in the world in a negative light. Replace this word with despise, dislike, loathe, or hostility. This four letter word can be replaced with another; love. It is much easier to hate than to love. But, never hate because it is better to pity.

Raise a glass and toast to this.

“Here is to all the vultures, losers, fools, and the ignorant ones who have rubbed us the wrong way. Destroyed our confidence, trust, optimism and who have prevented us from becoming our best selves. But, not anymore because all of you hellions are just now pitied fools that were shaped by rusty tools. We will never hate you or what you did to us because we just feel bad for your insecurities. For now, we are better and have risen stronger and harder. Here’s to us, pitying you and becoming glorious with a newfound trust.”

Cheers.

Remember, “The Zos Knows”. 

-David Zosel

If you want to support my writing and for me to be able to create more content you can make a donation to either of these links:

Venmo or Patreon

I will give 10% of the proceeds to ONETREEPLANTED, a charity that plant trees to restore life to degraded lands all over the world. For every dollar donated there will be one tree planted. 

As winter is coming in the Midwest and specifically, Minnesota daylight hours dwindle down at four o’clock in the afternoon. With minimal sunlight hours and lack of a natural source of Vitamin D, the human energy level is gravely different from our summertime counterparts. Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) is lurking amongst many, preventing most to stay productive as our summertime maniacal energies begin to diminish. Most importantly in Minnesota, our attitudes and lifestyles change drastically. Putting that aside, if you are suffering from depression or if you are just down and out about any hardship ridden circumstance, there is a concept that needs to be emphasized not only for winter time but in day-to-day life in general.

It is absolutely imperative that you can recognize the small “W’s” in your daily routine. Celebrate them with honor.

Every time you create a small “win” situation, give yourself a high-five, fist pump, bust a dance move out, or dab. If you’re too embarrassed to do those things then simulate them in your mind. Think of the acronym ACE, “Always Celebrate Everything”.

Mental health may be a part of it or not, but if you are suffering from daily lethargicness, a key is to salvation is find “W’s” towards the little things in life. For instance, make your bed, do your dishes, take out the trash, or delete all of your junk emails. Doing laundry while working on something productive is a major win-win situation for a stimulating brain boosting momentum.

This is just the mental side of things but on the physical end it is important that you get exercise, take vitamins, eat healthily, and most of all use a SAD lamp to provide a natural energy boost for yourself.

It is absolutely imperative that you can recognize the small “W’s” in your daily routine, rather than being oblivious to them.

Celebrate them with honor, pride, and integrity.

This will provide copious amounts of energy and momentum for your day, further setting up the opportunity to win the week. Treat every week as if it were a seven-game playoff series. If you can four out of seven days during the week then you are on to the next playoff round; next week. If you lose the week, well, then you still get to play the game of life in the following week. But the secret is to absolutely dominate the week by winning Monday through Thursday because it will enable you to enjoy the rest of your weekend!

Celebrating your little “W’s” boosts mental health stimulation, morale, and can get your wheels turning to provide the daily confidence during your week. Make your bed, breakfast and brush your teeth because it is time to win the day.

Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day-in, and day-out through accomplishing the little deed; this is the exact morale boost that we need.

Remember, “The Zos Knows”. 

-David Zosel

If you want to support my writing and for me to be able to create more content you can make a donation to either of these links:

Venmo or Patreon

I will give 10% of the proceeds to ONETREEPLANTED, a charity that plant trees to restore life to degraded lands all over the world. For every dollar donated there will be one tree planted. 

If no one is going to step up to the plate and come forth as God, then it might as well be Kanye West. I’m kidding. But, I don’t believe that he is God by any means. Polytheistically speaking, he may be the “God of Creativity”, that may be a stretch, but he is certainly not a God himself. In my personal opinion, Kanye West is a creative genius and he uses his art to promote the word of God in his special way. I want to focus on the fundamental basis of how God want’s us to live our lives and compare them to what Kanye West is trying to accomplish as a self-proclaimed “God” by using his short film, Runaway, as an example because the two have very similar beliefs. God wants us to live a glorious life, love with all of your heart, and to show forgiveness for all of the sinners. Most importantly he wants you to be able to have patience, promote, praise, promise and to have provisions. These principles are shared by Kanye West and God. So, doesn’t that make them the same person? Absolutely, not. He is not the only human being to proclaim himself as “God”, but I believe that he is the only relevant, non-threatening person who is trying to do right by the world since maybe Mother Theresa. That is why I have devoted my faith to the Hip Hop Cathedral of Kanye West. Again, I am just pulling your chain. Let’s entertain the idea that his purpose in life is to just make meaningful art that promotes a good message because right now he is going through a tough time and everyone is giving him a lot of grief that he doesn’t need. My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy is Kanye’s magnum opus album. Most fans of this album have not even seen his short film Runaway that he directed for the album. This man is a creative genius and has every right to say that he is. Kanye West takes a basic love story and makes it so inhuman to us that it makes us realize our mankind’s potential. Instead of the story of a male and a female, it is set between a half-phoenix-half woman and a man. Kanye wants you to meet a companion that is completely different from you, hence bringing different people together and opening up your mind to new worlds. In the film, Griffin, played by West, saves her/this creature after crash landing on earth. Kanye wants you to be your own savior. The only person who can save you is yourself. How can you save anyone if you can’t save your own self? As she wakes up for the first time in the film, she comes into contact with human objects and becomes intrigued by the television screen showing the news. Griffin then tells her that the first thing you need to know in the world is to never pay attention to anything on the news. The lesson being taught here is that Kanye only wants you to listen to yourself, not what anyone else tells you. Another notable scene is where Griffin begins to create, playing a remix version of POWER, where the Phoenix begins to dance. Kanye wants you to have the power to tame your inner beast, the power to create your own destiny. If you can accomplish this then nothing can stop you. That is what Kanye wants us to realize; that anything is possible. If you were to spend a day with Kanye, this short film is the perfect example of what it would be like. Now, if you were to be a woman on a date with Kanye he would throw a parade for you with a marching band, fireworks, and paper mache floats of Michael Jackson. That’d be a first date that I’d like to take a girl on. Why? This is because Kanye wants you to only give the best things and an opportunity to the people that you care about. Most importantly, I need to touch on the dinner party scene. Griffin enters his dining room full of people of all cultures that are dressed the same. He and the Phoenix are the only ones who look different, showing their ability to be original free-thinking, non-conformist individuals. Despite being gossiped about at his own dinner party in his own house, Griffin/Kanye West wants you to be your own person. Not what other people want you to be. Every day of my life I just want to walk away from a group of conformists and go up to a piano and start pounding it. Every day I resonate with this moment in the film because it is hard to run or break away from a group to openly free think to be your own self that you want to express to the world. As he pounds the keys on the piano, playing the opening riff to Runaway, he summons ballerinas as his dinner party entertainment. This is Kanye summoning his inner peace and that is what he wants you to do in this life; find inner enlightenment. If you cannot do these things, then how can you be able to be your own individual and follow your dreams? Here is the key point’s that Kanye is trying to make in this short film that coincides with God: 1. Love yourself, be your own savior so that you are able to have salvation for others. (Love and Forgiveness) 2. Only listen to what comes from your heart. Listen to yourself, not others. (Praise) 3. Tame your inner beast in order to create your destiny. If you can do this, anything is possible. The only one stopping you from your dreams is yourself and it takes some time to become one with the self.  (Patience)  4. Only provide the absolute best love and care for the people that matter in your life. Give your best to the people of the world. (Provision) 5. Be a free-thinking individual because you are original. Don’t conform. Don’t be a copy, be yourself.  (Promote) 6. Find inner peace with yourself. Enlightenment will find you at your best. If you are at your best then you can pursue your dreams and be the best fit to obtain the life that you want. (Promise) These are all the same principles that God’s from most religions big and small preach.  Does this make Kanye a God or disciple of Jesus Christ himself? That is up to you to decide after you watch this short film with my idea’s and thoughts in mind. Remember, “The Zos Knows”.  -David Zosel If you want to support my writing and for me to be able to create more content you can make a donation to either of these links: Venmo or Patreon I will give 10% of the proceeds to ONETREEPLANTED, a charity that plant trees to restore life to degraded lands all over the world. For every dollar donated there will be one tree planted.

With the upcoming Holiday’s sneaking up on all of us, I hope you all are excited to spend time with your family and friends this holiday season. Most importantly I hope you get the chance to go and see a Christmas day film, experiencing all of the cinematic blockbuster goodness that Hollywood has to offer. Being from Minnesota, with the exception of our WNBA team, we could possibly be one of the sorriest sports cities in all of the “US of A” right now. The Vikings love to annually break our hearts. The Wild really like to inspire hope that they will bring us Lord Stanley’s Cup during this time of year. The Twins are not making any great off-season acquisitions, and the Timberwolves give us all false-advertising about their young potential. But, there is one thing that we can hang our head’s upon and stick our chests our proudly about because we are the state that produced one of the most significant volunteer regiments for the Union in the American Civil War. Football and war; all the same thing right? Here, I present to you a research paper that I wrote when I was 17 year’s old. It is about the First Minnesota Volunteer Infantry and how their efforts during the Battle of Gettysburg was the most crucial moment in the Union’s conquest to win the war. I believe that the basis of this paper would make one of the greatest war films of all time.  The Heroic Efforts of the First Minnesota Volunteer Regiment at The Battle of Gettysburg: ​         The American Civil War weighs on the hearts and minds of many Americans. There have been differing opinions by historians from the North and South. A lot has been written about the American Civil War, which took place during the mid-1860s. The general public knows about great battles and courageous heroes such as Colonel Samuel L. Chamberlain, General Ulysses Grant, General “Stonewall” Jackson, and General Robert E. Lee.  Hardly anyone has heard of Colonel William Colvill of the First Minnesota Volunteer Regiment. One of the biggest contributions during the American Civil War took place at the Battle of Gettysburg where the First Minnesota Volunteer Infantry charged a broken line for about ten minutes, which prevented the Confederate army from breaking through the center of the battlefield.  It prevented a quick and decisive end to the battle and perhaps the war.   First Minnesota’s contribution at the Battle of Gettysburg was the most courageous effort in the American Civil War. It has been overlooked by many historians.  Other heroic aspects of the battle such as Little Round Top receive more notoriety on a national level. When the American Civil War broke out at Fort Sumter in 1860, Minnesota was just three years old as a state. When President Abraham Lincoln called for 75,000 troops in 1861, Minnesota Governor Alexander Ramsey just so happened to be in Washington D.C. at the time (Folwell 4). Governor Ramsey was committed to getting as many troops as he could from the state of Minnesota. The regiment was organized at Fort Snelling, Minnesota, on April 29. The First Minnesota Infantry Regiment was one of the first units organized after President Lincoln’s call for 75,000 troops. The regiment was quickly filled with enthusiastic men from all parts of Minnesota and was one of the few regiments that received training by a qualified officer. By April 30th, 1861, there were nine hundred volunteers that had been mustered into training at Fort Snelling. By June, one hundred more men joined the training at Fort Snelling increasing the number of volunteers to one thousand (Watts 195). Military training at Fort Snelling was underfunded but very rigorous. The training was lead by Colonel Willis Arnold Gorman, a veteran of the Mexican War, who gave First Minnesota the knowledge and training that they needed (Folwell 4). Being a new state at the time, the training was poorly funded. There was a lack of food, equipment, and uniforms. Despite a lack of resources, Colonel Willis A. Gorman proceeded on with an extremely tough training program to get the volunteers ready to fight in the war on time. Daily drills went on at the fort company, battalion, and regimental formations. Most officers and raw recruits weren’t really familiar with the fundamentals of drilling and military maneuvers. On route to Washington, they stopped in Chicago for a parade. The next day the Chicago Tribune wrote: “There are few regiments we have ever seen that can compare in brawn and muscle with theses Minnesotans, used to the ax, rifle, the oar and the setting pole. They are unquestionably the finest body of troops that has yet appeared on our streets.” (Folwell 6) The mighty lumberjacks from the Minnesota were ready for battle. Minnesota’s regiment was involved in many key battles from Bull Run to Gettysburg. They did not have to wait long for its initial taste of fighting. They fought at Bull Run on July 21, 1861, and suffered heavier casualties (147 killed and wounded) than any other Northern regiments engaged in battle.  Antietam was a lost cause because First Minnesota played a part in stopping the Confederacy from getting to Washington, but General McClellan wasted the opportunity to chase after the Confederates to win the battle decisively (Moe 189). McClellan didn’t realize that he had the South outnumbered. Antietam became an unnecessary draw. They played another big role in the battle of Fredricksburg. On May 3rd and 4th, 1863, they fought courageously with lots of heart and helped force the Confederate army to “skedaddle” (Folwell 23). When General Howard commented that Minnesota’s troops held firm, General Alfred Sully replied, “The First Minnesota never runs” (Folwell 23). The Union was unable to win a significant battle on the Eastern front, like Bull Run, Battle of Seven Days, Fredericksburg, and Chancellorsville. Antietam was considered only a hollow victory because the Union army stopped the Confederates from advancing to Washington D.C. but they did not pursue the Confederates when they had a chance to win decisively.  The Union Army was later given the command to follow the Confederate Army, who marched north along the west side of the Blue Ridge Mountains for protection. William Colvill, the First Minnesota Colonel, did not fully follow orders. As he was marching First Minnesota up the Monocacy River, they ran into some congestion that slowed the regiment down (Holcombe 349). He decided to let some of his men march around the river near Frederick, Maryland. The next day, the regiment experienced the embarrassment of having its Colonel arrested (Folwell 8). This decision produced strong feelings of resentment from the men who felt that their Colonel was dealt with unfairly. In the summer of 1863, the Union was in desperate need of a victory as the Confederacy was getting farther and farther into Union territory on route to Washington DC.  For the Confederate army to get to Washington D.C., they had to go through Gettysburg where the Union Army was standing in the way.  Luckily, General John Buford arrived at Gettysburg, days before the battle began to survey the land (Moe 258). Buford took command of the high ground because it would give the Union a huge advantage. Buford’s strategic concept of taking the high ground led the Union to victory at the Battle of Gettysburg (Moe 259). Awakened at 3:00 a.m. on July 2, First Minnesota arrived on Cemetery Ridge at  5:45 a.m. and soon welcomed Colonel Colvill, who had just been released from his arrest and reinstated into the army. Sergeant James A. Wright wrote about how the regiment responded. When Colvill showed up, “He was received with a spontaneous outburst of cheering and clapping of hands,” said Wright (Leehan 34). This rallied the troops and gave them a morale boost. First Minnesota was instructed that they had to sit out in reserve. Light cannon fire shot throughout the day, killing one soldier and wounding another. First Minnesota had to sit and watch in frustration seeing, the Union Army losing yet another battle due to poor leadership and unwise battle tactics.  An example of poor leadership that day came from General Daniel Sickles (Moe 264). His lack of military training became evident when he concluded that he didn’t like the ground he had been ordered to defend.  Sickle decided to do something about it. He ordered his troops to break ahead near Plum Run, which left a hole in the right side. Sickles had found the higher ground he was looking for, but in doing so, he had left both of his flanks hanging in the air, and it dangerously exposed a hole for the Confederate Army. Sitting there and watching in frustration was the First Minnesota regiment, awaiting their chance to do something about this erroneous decision. Sergeant John W. Plummer wrote about their frustration: “We all felt very bad, but resolved when our chance to do our best to retrieve the fortunes of the day, hardly expecting to come out of the conflict unharmed.” (Moe 266) Most soldiers in the face of the near advance of such an overpowering Confederate force would have panicked and retreated. But First Minnesota had never yet deserted any post and had never retired without orders.  At 7:00 pm, General Hancock, rode up his horse at full speed, calling out as he reached First Minnesota: “What regiment is this?” he shouted (Kunz 38). Colvill responded, “First Minnesota.” “Charge those lines,” commanded General Hancock (Kunz 38). The soldiers of First Minnesota realized in an instant what the order meant; they needed to stop Confederate General Wilcox’s advancing brigade. This sacrifice of First Minnesota’s regiment was to gain a few minutes of time and save the position and probably the battlefield. Every man accepted the necessity for sacrifice because they knew that without them, a clear road to Washington D.C.  for the Confederate Army (Kunz 39). Responding quickly to Colvill’s orders, the regiment quickly got into a perfect line. With muskets on their right shoulders, a shift was in a moment sweeping down the slope directly upon the charging Confederate army.  First Minnesota, moving at the double-time, not stopping to fire, although the enemy fired immediately, began to thin the ranks. “Charge,” shouted Colvill, and with leveled bayonets, at a full run the Minnesota men rushed upon the rebel lines (Kunz 39). They charged up the ravine near Plum Run. Each of the soldiers attacked with their bayonets and then fired their muskets at a point-blank range, creating a one-two punch impact (Leehan 63). They momentarily pushed back and confused Wilcox’s troops who outnumbered Minnesota by 4 to 1. First Minnesota did their job and held that line for about ten minutes so reinforcements could come to close the line and provide support. Once reinforcements came from the 19th of Maine, the 111th of New York Regiments and other New York Regiments, Hancock eventually ordered the diminishing First Minnesota to fall back.  Their efforts helped the Union Army maintain a solid position to prevent the Union from losing the battle on day two. Some soldiers thought that falling back was more frightening than the charge itself. Private John Plummer wrote, “We dreaded to go back to the danger of it… We fell back and it was then I had the first feeling of fear during the fight. I felt almost sure I would be hit and I saw many wounded going back.” (Leehan 74) With twilight approaching rapidly, the second day of battle ended. Only 47 of the 262 men were left standing to answer the regimental roll call. Of those 262 men, 215 were dead or severely wounded (Kunz 39). It was the most severe loss suffered by a Union regiment during the American Civil War. Of all those men, none of them were reported missing. First Minnesota’s brave and gallant men were sacrificed to save the Union Army from devastation. They lost 82 percent of their men. The third and final day of the battle awaited another ordeal for the Minnesota survivors: Pickett’s Charge.  First Minnesota rejoined their brigade.  They were placed on the front line of the Second Division, Second Corps, whose position later was to become the new objective of the Confederate General Lee. After two hours of continuous cannon fire, the guns suddenly stopped. Later, lines of gray uniforms emerged from the woods as 15,000 Confederate soldiers headed directly towards the Second Division’s position.  First Minnesota, with only 47 men, rushed to join other regiments to stop “General Pickett’s Charge.” When the South was defeated, General Robert E. Lee began his retreat southward. First Minnesota’s participation on the third day resulted in seventeen more deaths in the regiment (Kunz 40). The Union victory at the Battle of Gettysburg was the turning point in the American Civil War because it prevented the Confederacy from marching into Washington D.C. and win the war. It also gave the Union lots of confidence that they could win the war. Gettysburg was the first major defeat suffered by Lee. It repelled his second invasion of the North and inflicted serious casualties on the Army of Northern Virginia. From this point forward, Lee attempted no more strategic offensives. Two men from Minnesota, Henry D. O’Brien, a corporal from St. Anthony Falls (Minneapolis) and Marshall Sherman, a private from St. Paul were awarded the Congressional Medal of honor, established in 1862, for bravery in action at Gettysburg (Kunz 40). O’Brien received the award for his cited gallantry in action on the last day of the Battle of Gettysburg (Kunz 40). Sherman won the award for capturing the flag of the 58th Virginia Infantry, which was also on the last day of the battle (Kunz 40). The flag of the 58th Virginia Infantry lies in the Minnesota Historical Society to this very day. For such a courageous effort to hold the line so that reinforcements could come along, First Minnesota receives little recognition on a national level. Little Round Top, a similar heroic effort, gets more attention than First Minnesota. Little Round Top, lead by Colonel Chamberlain, and First Minnesota, led by Colonel Colvill were extremely similar because they both had to hold their lines in order to prevent the Confederate army from winning the battle. But there were many key differences that set’s First Minnesota apart. The two heroic parts of the battle were fought on different terrain. Little Round Top was fought on the significantly high ground and behind trees and rocks for cover. Colonel Chamberlain, alongside nine regiments, was on top of a steep hill. The Confederates had a long climb to the top. Chamberlain had an advantage that eventually propelled him to victory, whereas, First Minnesota was at a disadvantage because they had to fight uphill in a ravine. They also had to fight out in the open, not behind any trees and rocks. Moreover, they were shot at from three different directions and still managed to stop the Confederate advance for those ten minutes. Thus, First Minnesota had to fight on more difficult terrain than the regiments on Little Round Top. Little Round Top had a better ratio of troops versus the Confederates than First Minnesota did. Colonel Chamberlain and the regiments of Little Round Top had 2,996 soldiers versus 4,864 Confederate soldiers. On the other hand, First Minnesota had only 262 men versus an approximate 1,100 men or more. In essence, the regiments of Little Round Top were outnumbered by 38 percent versus First Minnesota who outnumbered by over 4 to 1. First Minnesota suffered a greater percentage of casualties than the regiments of Little Round Top.  The regiments of Little Round Top suffered 565 casualties who were killed or wounded. This is a 19 percent loss. First Minnesota suffered a greater loss of 82 percent consisting of 215 casualties killed or wounded. Remarkably not a man from First Minnesota was missing. It was the most severe loss of a Union regiment during the American Civil War. First Minnesota’s battle position served a greater strategic importance. The regiments of Little Round Top needed to defend the left flank of the Union Army, the bottom of the famous Fish Hook. The Confederate army of General Longstreet wanted to go around the left flank of the Union army. Had they been successful, they would have been able to eventually advance behind Union lines for an eventual and probable victory. First Minnesota had to defend a broken line created by General Sickle. Had the Confederate Army broken through that line the battle would have been lost immediately. It is very similar to football. If you can run the ball up the middle versus around the end, you will score more touchdowns. Battlefield tactics follow a similar principle. General Hancock, who is credited for his keen strategic battle decisions at Gettysburg, recognized the exploits of both parts of the battle on July 2nd. But he stated the following about First Minnesota: I had no alternative but to order the regiment in. We had no force on hand to meet the sudden emergency. Troops had been ordered up and were coming on the run, but I saw that in someway five minutes must be gained or we were lost. It was fortunate that I found there so grand body of men as the First Minnesota. I knew they must lose heavily and it caused me pain to give the order for them to advance, but I would have done it if I had known every man would have been killed. It was a sacrifice that must be made. The superb gallantry of those men saved our line from being broken. No soldiers, on any field, in this or any other country, ever displayed grander heroism. (Folwell 13) The American Civil War still weighs on the hearts and minds of many Americans across the country;, especially in the South. It is agreed by most historians that the Battle of Gettysburg was the turning point of the war. It is now clear that First Minnesota played the most heroic and significant part of the battle and consequently the war. Those ten minutes were critical. They fought uphill. They were outnumbered. They defended a broken line and sustained high casualties.   One cannot dispute the accomplishments of Little Round Top, but First Minnesota’s achievement was clearly more difficult and significant. On July 2, 1897, a statue sculpted by Jacob Fjelde was dedicated and unveiled at Gettysburg in the exact spot where the charge began. Although the exact numbers may have been slightly embellished through the years due to inaccurate battle records, we still need to recognize this monumental feat by the brave men from Minnesota. May their heroic sacrifice never be forgotten. ​ Works Cited. Aby, Anne J. The North Star State. A Minnesota History Reader. St. Paul: 1997. Print. Army of Northern Virginia battle flag.  [between 1861 and 1863]. Minnesota Historical Society Museum Object   6421 Bailey, Ronald H. The Bloodiest Day: The Battle of Antietam. Alexandria, Virginia:             T           Time-Life Books, 1984. Print. Bjornson, Val. The History of Minnesota. Volume 1. West Palm Beach, Florida: Lewis Historical Publishing  Company Inc., 1969. Print. Catton, Bruce. The Picture History of the Civil War. New York: American    Heritage Publishing Co., 1983. Print. Elson, Henry W. The Photographic History of the Civil War: The  Decisive Battles. New    York: Crown Publishers, 1983. Print. Engle, Stephen D. Gallagher, Gary W.  Krick, Robert K. McPherson, James M. The    A American Civil War: The Mighty Scourge of War. New York: Osprey   Publishing, 2003. Print. Fitzharris, Joseph, Brackett’s Battalion: Minnesota Cavalry in the Civil War and Dakota W   War. The Journal of Military History Vol 68, Issue 4, October 2004 Folwell, William Watts. A History of Minnesota. Volume 2. St. Paul: The Minnesota Historical Society, 1961. Print. Hospes, Adolphus C. Roster of the First Minnesota Regiment, Volunteer Infantry, enlisted at Fort Snelling, April 29, 1861, for three years. Stillwater: Journal, 1910. Print. Kunz, Virginia Brainard. Muskets To Missiles A History of Minnesota History. St. Paul: Minnesota Statehood Centennial Commission, 1958. Print. LaFantasie, Glenn W. Twilight at Little Round Top.  New York: Vintage Books, 2005.  P        Print. McAfee, Michael J. The First Regiment Minnesota Volunteer Infantry, 1861-1864 : “Every Man In The Regiment Did His Whole Duty.” St. Paul: Minnesota Historical Society Press, 2008. Print. Holcombe, RI. History Of The First Minnesota Volunteer Infantry, 1861-1864. Hudson: St. Croix Valley Civil War Round Table, 2006. Print. Moe, Richard. The Last Full Measure: The Life Of The First Minnesota Volunteers. St. Paul: Minnesota Historical Society Press, 2001. Print. Leehan, Brian. Pale Horse at Plum Run. St. Paul: Minnesota Historical Society Press, 2002. Print. Rodenbough, Theo F.  The Photographic History of the Civil War: The Cavalry. New        York: Crown Publishers, 1983. Print. Sears, Stephen W. Gettysburg.  Boston: 2003, Mariner Books. Print. Stackpole, Edward J. They Met at Gettysburg.  Harrisburg, Pennsylvania: The          Telegraph Press, 1956. Print. Trudeau, Noah A.  Gettysburg: A Testing  of Courage.  New York: First Perennial, 2002. Print. Wright, James A. No More Gallant A Deed. St. Paul: Minnesota Historical Society Press, 2001. Print. Minnesota Historical Society Press. Minnesota in the Civil and Indian Wars. St. Paul: Minnesota Historical Society Press, 2005. Print. Monument dedicated to the First Minnesota Volunteer Infantry at the battlesight of Gettysburg.  I will be honest with you that I received a C+ on this paper. It is probably because I embellished and fictionalized my thesis, but isn’t that what you are supposed to do as a historian? History teachers are not historians and fail to completely realize that this is how history has been recorded throughout the history of mankind. Writing about history isn’t about stating all of the facts with bullet points. It is about creating your own oppinions, connecting the dots and standing strong about your statements. This was the last time I got anything lower than an A on a paper and I have been writing in spitefulness ever since in order to avenge my bad grade. Just kidding. Anyway, if I were to change one thing about this research paper it would be the thesis: “The First Minnesota Volunteer Infantry would make a kick-ass Christmas movie that should open on Christmas day.” Now that is an A+ thesis. This is a story that should be made into a film. If our city can’t produce championships, we should produce a film about our most winning team; The First Minnesota Volunteer Infantry. Yes, and I do have that much pride as a Minnesotan that I am confident that this would make a historically significant film. Happy Holiday’s and remember, Remember, “The Zos Knows”.  -David Zosel If you want to support my writing and for me to be able to create more content you can make a donation to either of these links: Venmo or Patreon I will give 10% of the proceeds to ONETREEPLANTED, a charity that plant trees to restore life to degraded lands all over the world. For every dollar donated there will be one tree planted.

As Minnesota Vikings fans all over across Vikingland sit nervously after the bye week in anticipation of the bout versus the Washington Redskins, I cannot fathom the fear in the back of my mind of the impending plane crash that may or may not happen this season with the Minnesota Vikings. At 6-2, we are in a position to win the big game this year. Oh, and baby, this is it. If you ever meet me and look at my forearms, you will see purple scars on them from every bit of bad luck that many Viking fans have witnessed in our franchise history. But things are about to change for the better.

Over the past twenty NFL seasons, there is only one explanation of the misery of the string of unfortunate events that lay victim to Minnesota Vikings fans; we are cursed. As we saw Dalvin Cook go down with a knee injury on October 1^st (2017) against the Detroit Lions, it further cements the idea of the next great sports curse. When our sensational rookie went down, it made many think that as Viking fans that we cannot have nice things. Since Teddy Bridgewater’s what was thought to be a career-ending injury, I have heavily researched why this franchise has had so much bad luck. Moreover, after long hours of theorizing and researching the four dimensions of franchise history, The Viking age, broadcast history, and Viking folklore, I have come up with many conspiracies of why our franchise is best friends with the bad luck monster. Despite all of the wild ideas, I have come up with partial and full proof solutions to the “The Curse of Thor’s Missing Mjollinar”.

My first theory that I came up with that causes our franchises agony was because of the Christianization of Scandinavia during the Viking Age. Why did such a powerful conglomerate group of scavenging seafarers suddenly disappear? The answer is because of the mass conversion of Christianity that came from the hands of Charlemagne’s Christian Empire, The Pope, and the Crusades. Without raiding, the Viking culture does not exist. The Minnesota Vikings play football, representing the Norse-rooted Christian state of Minnesota. It is quite the oxymoron because the Viking’s were the most powerful people in the world until their christening. We have had a football team that wears kryptonite rung around their necks, which is represented by Christianity since we live in a predominantly Christian state that cheers for a team whose demise was due to religious conversion.

Do any of the Ten Commandments comply with the Viking warrior culture and lifestyle? No, and that is why this group of people disappeared due to the conformity of religious conversion which involves the strict following of the Decalogue

Next, I speculated that the Viking warriors were not a united group of people. They never were a big-time empire or ruled any lands. They just raided and explored new lands that created groundbreaking discoveries in the known world. As most would know, the Minnesota Vikings have never won a Super Bowl (conquering) or have become a dynasty (winning multiple championships). But, we have had a long history of very individualistic players who have broken new ground in American Football. Mike Zimmer’s defense is a great example because every year he has revolutionized the way defense is played in the NFL, according to many players. Randy Moss is another perfect example of this because he changed the way wide receivers approach the game and the way defensive backs defend. I do not believe that from our fans, front office, and to our front lines, we have been a united nation of Vikings. Is the problem that there is not enough unity? Could it be that there is 75/20/10 split of Viking, Packer and Bears fans in the Land of 10,000 Lakes? There are not as many Viking fans in Wisconsin as there is in Minnesota. Should we kick out all Packers fans in Minnesota in order to unite as one nation of Vikings? Maybe we can all unite to break this curse. But, I do not think this extreme form of action will work because it is unrealistic.

“… a man from the land where the river ends will travel to the land where the river begins… will lead his people to victory wearing purple and a helmet with  horns…”

– Nostradamus

Next, I examined the stereotype or racial slur theory. Have you noticed teams such as the Cleveland Indians, Atlanta Braves, Washington Redskins are all teams that seem to disrespect and offend groups of people? Yes, that is called racism because their mascots represent the stereotyping of a group of people. But, teams like the Boston Celtics and Montreal Canadians are not considered racist or offensive because of their Caucasian complexion? Both categories are actually equally offensive because they represent and highlight unrealistic images of different people. Is naming the team the “Vikings” really a racist or offensive concept because they were a group of Caucasian-Scandinavian people.

There are two other teams in the NFL that have similar names to the Vikes. The Tampa Bay Buccaneers and Oakland Raiders, have very similar names that represent the same concept of people. But, yet they have Super Bowl rings and we do not. Here is why, because Oakland represents the concept of raiding. On the other hand, Tampa Bay represents a type of pirate that sailed the Carribean: A buccaneer. But, the etymology of this word stems from the Caribbean term “buccan”, which was a wood frame that hunters used to cook meat. Then this influenced the French word “boucane”, meaning to hunt. Therefore, the Raiders and Bucs represent the concepts of raiding and hunting. The origin of the term “Viking” comes from the word Vik and or Viken depending on what your belief is. These terms mean “small bay, creek, inlet” and “People of Viken” concluding the fact that the Vikings represent a stereotype of a group of people.

Could our mascot represent a false interpretation of people, which could be deemed as offensive or racist? After all, Vikings never wore horned helmets, but yet our football team does? In 2017, that could be deemed as offensive. More importantly, this may upset the Norse God’s. They may frown upon the fact that we have horns and our colors are purple and yellow. The Norse God’s may also possibly despise the fact that our mascot has a mustache looking like Hulk Hogan.

This is why the Geico ads are funny about Cavemen. The last time we all checked, there are no cavemen in this day and age that can protest those commercials, as there are no Vikings to do the same. So, is our football-team just a borderline-offensive representation of our state and the Norse God’s are punishing us for it?

No. That can’t be the complete reason for this curse on our franchise.

Other things that lead to the downfall of the Viking age could be due to the feudal system, which was the beginning of the creation of assimilating societies, and the peace and truce of God. This reflects our franchise history of major misfortune. Fans have come to peace with the fact that nothing can go our way. We expect it to happen and it just isn’t good karma. The ever-changing rules and regulations have always seemed to hurt us in very subtle ways. For example, when the NFL changed the PAT to a longer yardage, Blair Walsh started missing many field goals.

Those were just a few theories that I have kicked around in my head in the past year. But, after seeing my Viking warriors (players) drop like rain, such as Dalvin Cook, Sam Bradford, Teddy Bridgewater and even seeing Adrian Peterson repeatedly injured, I have noticed a pattern of hardship from Paul Allen ever since he has become our radio broadcaster since 2002. With his booming influential voice, he has the power to instill habitual optimism that he imparts amongst fans.

Do not get me wrong, I love Paul Allen and it may or may not be his fault for the tragedies of our franchise during his tenure.

But, here is why he mythically has cursed us.

Paul Allen is not a native Minnesotan, which means that he is a converted Vikings fan. His love grew first for the Vikings when he moved to Minnesota around the late 1990’s when he worked at Canterbury Park for horse racing. After the 1998 season, he began to bleed purple. In 2002, this elite football mind became the voice of the franchise. His nine-to-noon radio show on KFAN has been the cathedral-like platform for all Vikings fans, making us feel hope and that the football God’s are on our side to lead us to a victorious Super Bowl.

Paul’s powerful voice, football analysis, sense of hope, and imparting optimism is very dangerous because of the brainwashing that stems from it. Adrian Peterson was nothing without Paul Allen’s persistence of persuasion and the same goes towards Teddy Bridgewater. The statements that he makes on the radio, with his exciting enthusiasm as a play caller make me truly believe that we are going to win the Super Bowl every year.

Paul Allen is the Pope of Viking Nation because he is the voice. The Viking Age came to an end because of the Pope’s leadership and voice of influence. Paul Allen’s influence amongst us people may have slowly decimated our football team’s hopes of winning a championship every year since 2002. Seriously, have you ever met Paul Allen? He says “God bless you” every single time he is done talking to you. Does that sound like something that the Pope would say?

History shows that Popes and Vikings go together like water and oil. So, there has to be something fishy going on with the aura of our franchise. If you listen to his show sometimes, he even says things like “Can I get an Amen” and other things that resemble Sunday Church like the gospel funk soul music that is played. He is the Pope of Viking Nation and his radio show is our cathedral.

Let’s examine the historical facts prior to Paul Allen’s inaugural year in 2002.

In 1969, we won an NFL championship, but the trophy is lost or stolen. Ironically, the Vikes played the Cleveland Browns, another franchise plagued with bad luck. They also won the championship in Minneapolis, making it a strange omen for the 2017 season.

The Vikings went to four Super Bowls in ’69, ’73, ’74 and 1976. They also won 16 division championships and had 18 Pro Football Hall of Famer’s who played and coached for us between 1961 and 2001. During those years of Super Bowl runs, we had very few losses in a dominating era. We also played in seven NFC Championship games, eight in total, which is the fourth most in the NFC Conference, which is one more than our hated rival, the Green Bay Packers. With that, why do we still not have a Super Bowl?

Here is the rundown post-Paul “The Pope” Allen’s arrival.

Take note that this sample size of facts is much smaller than what had happened forty years prior to Paul Allen’s arrival in 2002. During his second year of being a broadcaster, all the Vikings had to do was beat a mediocre Arizona Cardinals team, who had five wins. Yes, the Vikings lost that game during the final play of the year and everyone remembers Paul Allen’s illustrious battle cry, screaming “NOOOO!” That sound bite may have defined our franchise’s history of bad luck, putting a lid on all of our hopes of ever winning a Super Bowl because the Norse God’s agreed with Paul Allen’s moment of honest emotional content.

Most notably, the Vikings have made it to only one NFC championship game in which we lost to the Saints. Do you see the connection? The New Orleans Saints are a franchise with a mascot that represents Roman-Catholicism in a French Cajun Culture. The Vikings were defeated by the conversion of Christianity and the 2009 Vikings, lead by Brett Favre; a man from the land where the river ends who traveled to the land where the river begins, in which he was prophesized to lead the Vikings to victory wearing purple and a helmet with horns, only to fall short to the Saints, a people who represented the exceptional holiness of Christianity.

Now let’s go down the idiosyncrasies that people overlook when it comes to our bad luck.

1. In 2003, we started the year 6-0 only to be the second team in history to miss the playoffs, thanks to Arizona’s last-second fourth and 28^th touchdown.
2. Randy Moss’ infamous touchdown dance against Green Bay, making the Vikings look like a distasteful and un-classy organization.
3. Randy Moss walks off the field against the Washington Redskins during a crucial moment in the 2005 season.
4. Randy Moss wanted to leave the Vikings after seven seasons to win a Super Bowl elsewhere.

Yeah I know, “Moss this, Moss that, Moss this, Moss that.”

5. Daunte Culpepper goes down with a season-ending knee injury the year after Moss leaves, giving us no hope of any offensive threats to aid us in a Super Bowl.
6. The infamous Vikings party boat scandal on the prestigious Lake Minnetonka, forever shaming that sacred water with drugs, excess and prostitution.
7. The 16 quarterbacks who have started games for the Vikings since the inception of his broadcasting career.
8. We were the last stop on Brett Favre’s five-year retirement tour. This lead to the concept of continuing to sign older veteran quarterbacks. Remember Donovan McNabb?
9. Multiple fumbles from Adrian Peterson that happened during crucial moments in his nine-year tenure as a Viking.
10. Unfortunate and untimely injuries from many players such as Adrian Peterson, Christian Ponder, Brett Favre, Teddy Bridgewater and recently Dalvin Cook.

Those are only just ten terrible things that have happened since 2002! For cripes sake, I didn’t even mention Blair Walsh’s 27-yard missed field-goal in the playoffs in 2015 or the 5-0 start that we had to fall to 8-8 in the 2016 season yet.

Paul “The Pope” Allen’s sample size of bad luck, injuries, fumbles and off-field scandals is much smaller than 40 years prior, but there has just been a more condensed series of unfortunate events that have happened to our franchise since his arrival in 2002. Is Paul Allen to blame for all of this? No, he could just so happen to be the right broadcaster at the wrong time. Before he was here we made it to four Super Bowls and none since his arrival. But as of late, Paul Allen has made us all believe that with our defense that this is the year that the Vikings can do it. With Super Bowl LII in Minneapolis, it is time to take what is finally ours.

The last time the Vikings won a championship it was in Minnesota in 1969. The Ed Thorp Memorial Trophy was awarded to the Vikings and it was the last year that the NFL championship was played. If you look in any NFC stadium, you cannot find the Ed Thorp Memorial Trophy because like the Stanley Cup, it stays with the winning team for that year. The Vikings were the last team to win this trophy, technically making us the reigning NFL champions since 1969. No one knows where The Ed Thorp Memorial Trophy’s whereabouts are. The trophy is lost and so is our credibility as champions.

Just like Dalvin Cook, Teddy Bridgewater, and a Super Bowl Trophy, the missing Ed Thorp Trophy proves that the Vikings cannot have nice things. The one championship that the Vikings have won doesn’t even exist in our trophy case. This is unbeknownst to the Ed Thorp Memorial Curse making it one of the most oblivious curses in North American Sports. But does a missing trophy really validate a curse? With all of the theories that I have come up with, the dots connect and make sense.

This is why I am rebranding this curse because it needs further explanation, laying out the dots that connect to make further sense. The missing Ed Thorp Trophy represents Thor’s stolen hammer. Don’t you see it? Ed “Thor-p”. Thor’s bloody name is inside Ed Thorp’s name! In Viking folklore, “Thor’s Stolen Hammer” is one of the most popular tales. In its pagan mythology, there is an eternal conflict between the Vikings and the Giants. Thor among the gods was deemed as the defender of both the divine and human realms, making him the Giant destroyer. His mjollinar was stolen by one of the Giants and they refused to return it unless the goddess Freyja married the Giant. Thor then dresses up as the beautiful bride to be and rides into Giantland in disguise. When the Mjollinar is presented to the disguised bride, Thor unmasks himself, seizing the hammer and destroys the Giant with a single blow.

Do you think that in the 2000 NFC Championship game was a coincidence that we lost 41-0 against the New York Giants? The Minnesota Vikings do not have Thor’s hammer, which is the Ed Thorp Trophy. We need to get our hammer back because, without Mjollinar (Ed Thorp Trophy), Thor and the Vikings are nothing. This is possibly the reason why we have not been able to win a title because we do not have the Ed Thorp Memorial Trophy because it was lost or stolen, just like Thor’s hammer. But Thor won it back so, what can we do to break the “Curse of Thor’s Hammer”? Well, there are two major ways that Vikings fans can go about this.

I have a few minor ideas, such as incorporating Thor’s hammer as an alternate logo. Maybe getting a Thor mascot might do the trick. Or, maybe a memorial of Norse God’s outside of US Bank Stadium will pay homage to our Viking roots. Imagine seeing Thor, Oden, and Loki as bronze statues, wearing Tarkenton, Allen, and Moss jerseys. Despite our predominately Christian culture, this could possibly pay tribute enough to the Norse God’s that the Vikings once worshiped during their age of dominance and raiding, in order to free us from the curse and to win a Super Bowl.

Optimistically speaking, our Skol chant may be a slight solution as well because, within our new stadium, we have been consistently winning games at home. This chant may be a great homage to the Norse God’s who may have started to bring luck to our side (The Packers are 0-2 at US Bank Stadium).

Even as a subtle tribute, it would be a beautiful sight to see a bronze hammer stuck in the ground for fans to take pictures in the attempt to lift it out of the ground. This could be a rebranded replica of the Ed Thorp Memorial Trophy saying that the Vikings are the reigning NFL champions since 1969 and that we must defend it. It should also have inscriptions of the other teams that have won it as well.

Another partial solution in which Paul “The Pope” Allen can play a major role in reversing the curse along with KFAN by announcing to the fans that we need to find the lost Ed Thorp Trophy. This may reverse the curse and all of the bad luck that our beloved broadcaster has endured for us with his habitual optimism and his infamous battle cry of “No”, which has stuck in the minds of fans since 2003.

But, the only way to break a curse is to beat it. You can do all of the fun shamanistic offerings to the Norse and Football Gods, find a lost/stolen hammer (Trophy), make historical and folklore connections to our franchise, but this is the year that we need to capitalize on winning a championship. Why? The last time we won was when our team played in Minnesota for the championship being victorious over the Cleveland Browns. Granted we hosted the Super Bowl in the Metrodome, but that stadium was shared with two other sports teams and was a funky multi-sports complex. US Bank Stadium is ours and we need to defend our land with home-field advantage in the playoffs. Rest assure that our dominating defensive core is in its prime, along with an offense that has potential to make a big dent in the league. In order to break the “Curse of Thor’s Stolen Mjollnir”, we need to hammer home a Super Bowl when the game is played on our home turf.

Do you want my prediction? Well, this is the year that we hammer it home. When we are victorious, remember who told you first:

The Zos did.

Remember, “The Zos Knows”. 

-David Zosel

If you want to support my writing and for me to be able to create more content you can make a donation to either of these links:

Venmo or Patreon

I will give 10% of the proceeds to ONETREEPLANTED, a charity that plant trees to restore life to degraded lands all over the world. For every dollar donated there will be one tree planted. 

 

 

 

 

In the midsts of recovering from a lost dream of being a filmmaker, what remains is the passion of writing that I have slowly developed since I was 10 years old; the last time I had writer’s block.

It was during the D.A.R.E. program where my fifth-grade class had to write an essay about how we could change the world’s drug problem or something another. My head spun with millions (plural) of ideas that I couldn’t put to a one-page paper. There was too much for me to say, too many possibilities of how I could change the world and this caused me to have my first panic attack as a ten-year-old.

Being so hard on myself, my teacher knew what to do by teaching me the importance of an opening statement that would connect to a thesis and conclusion. Then she made it simple for me by writing the first sentence of that one-page paper with:

” I truly believe that _______ is the _______ that will solve the ______ .”

What I learned here is the importance of not getting in your head, whatever came to mind I just had to put it on the paper because I can always fix it later.

Writer’s block has never been an issue ever since I was 10-years-old which has enabled me to become a very productive scribe. It doesn’t mean that I am any good at it but it is something that I need to do in order to keep going every day.

My words keep me sane, centered and bring’s my equilibrium. I write not to be famous or to make money, but for survival. If I do not put down 1000 words or read 1000 words a day, I cannot sleep because my mind won’t slow down with all of the ideas that I have. I write all over my dry erase painted walls, laptop, notebooks, and in my phone. There is an entire universal world inside of my head that is imperative for me to share with others. Putting my pen to paper challenges my creativity and my thirst for knowledge. Writing is the reason why I am a perpetual lifelong learner of fiction, history, sciences, artistic mediums, and interactions with other people because of the fact that I write to survive.

It cures many things such as my insomnia, hypomania, dysthymia, and delusion towards reality. If I do not do it, I’d be out of touch and disengaged from everyone and everything.

There are just too many things that I need to say. Too many things need to be learned, explored, and discovered for one’s self and there is so little time. That is why I need to write it all. I do not care if I make a dime by writing because that is not the point.

I want to be prolific and a produce a wide variety of works through all literary mediums. It’s not about fame or money or providing opportunities for myself.

I know the vitality and importance of developing my craft.

When I leave this earth hopefully, by going to Mars, I want people to know my professionalism as one of the most productive ever.

Right now in my twenties, I have had to scramble around to find time to write every day. As of now, I am writing to build a team with an editor, photographer, and a marketing team. Maybe if I am lucky, I can find an agent that will believe in me. But, the only one that believes in me is myself and that is all that I care about. I would give anything to devote eight hours a day to my craft rather than what I am doing now with bits and chunks.

This passion of mine is going to slowly help me reach and achieve all of my ambitions. If I didn’t have this outlet, my mind and soul would be lost in a haze of sapphire.

Remember, “The Zos Knows”. 

-David Zosel

If you want to support my writing and for me to be able to create more content you can make a donation to either of these links:

Venmo or Patreon

I will give 10% of the proceeds to ONETREEPLANTED, a charity that plant trees to restore life to degraded lands all over the world. For every dollar donated there will be one tree planted. 

Living on the fringe is a beautiful thing that we as humans are fascinated by when living vicariously through other mediums. But, when facing the fringe in reality, suddenly the transformation transpires into a lunatic fringe. A man was once exiled from his hometown in Dallas to come to Minneapolis for alcohol recovery treatment due to Minnesota’s powerful programs that have great recovery rates.

This is a story that I will be telling about a man who fell off the face of the earth. His alias will be, “Shepard”, a man whose name and identity can only be traced down to his social security number. Shepard’s story needs to be told to the world because not many have encountered a drifter of such in their lifetime. But, I have and I hope no one has to have such a friendship that I have experienced because no one should ever see someone live the way that Shepard does.

Alcoholism is a real thing. There are varying degrees of it and many do not come to accept it until it is too late. Others never accept it at all.

When I met Shepard, we became friends because we were both lost in translation. Knowing very little about each other, we trusted each other and enjoyed very many intellectual conversations that would last till four in the morning.

He was an eccentric genius and I was a fool. A jester who never realized the fact that he was a severe alcoholic until many months later.

For almost two years, I tried to help him but it was a lost cause. It was sickening to see someone slowly die in front of my eyes.

When we met, he was in the midst of a relapse.

This is a story of potential redemption. I want to share it with you in small increments because his liberation is finally beginning as you read these words. If you are reading this years later then I hope this story ends well.

Prior to his departure, I eliminated his friendship from my life because as much as I loved him, there was no more room for him in my life because he slowly began to drag others down with him. Now, I pray sometimes that we can cross paths again because now his gone.

Many can relate to what I am about to convey across with my words because it is a story of promises, help, heartbreak, frustration and an ultimate friendship that will never be forgotten.

His story is his history of how he has survived like no one else has ever done so and we can all learn something about survival in today’s cruel world.

Changing lanes, Shepard hit a point where he stopped paying his taxes, became a squatter, shoplifted from grocery stores, and cut every corner of taking care of one’s self because his life revolved around drinking twenty Natural Light’s a day. Supposively he was an email monkey for Morgan Stanley and he made cash by walking through the alleys of Minneapolis where he found random odds and ends and sold them for dirt cheap on craigslist for extra cash.

These are just a few examples of his minimalism ways to survive.

He has no form of identification that is valid, but yet he has a college degree and a Roy Lichtenstein painting that he left for me before he got the hell out of Dodge. This is his most prized possession that he paid over five thousand dollars for and it is in my possession with the promise that he will return one day from his sojourn; a vision quest.

Right now, Shepard is in one of the most dangerous cities in the US searching for his identity once again, trying to get back in the system of society one step at a time, slowly eliminating his alcoholism with baby steps. This is only because now he has no choice.

He is in a do or die situation and I hope he becomes a doer.

Shepard can get better because he is not dead yet. We all need to remember this because no matter how bad our problems are, there is someone who has it worse than you. Most importantly never trade your problems with another.

Why would I have ever become friends or care about someone like this? Well, he saved my life at one point. Shepard saved me from my mind and soul and the only way I could repay him was with my friendship.

The night before I met him, I prayed to God that someone would help me with my maniacal mayhem that was spiraling at ten trillion miles an hour in my head. The next day, this strange man found me holding a DSLR camera. Without hesitation, this stranger and I were on a mission sent from God.

But in return, I tried saving his life for quite some time, but I failed him.

Our stories will go on, and so does his. I must tell his story to bring perspective to the notion of recovery, survival, and appreciation.

Shepard is out there in Los Angeles right now, probably standing in a 7/11 microwaving half of a McDonald’s hamburger, realizing how good his life was when he used to shoplift steaks from Cub Foods so that he could eat one good meal a day in his cramped studio apartment in Uptown, Minneapolis.

I am inviting you to follow my telling of this story that will be told in small parts, and I would love to hear your thoughts and comments about the past, present, and future events that are unfolding with my fringed friend Shepard.

Remember, “The Zos Knows”. 

-David Zosel

If you want to support my writing and for me to be able to create more content you can make a donation to either of these links:

Venmo or Patreon

I will give 10% of the proceeds to ONETREEPLANTED, a charity that plant trees to restore life to degraded lands all over the world. For every dollar donated there will be one tree planted. 

Who would you give your one good knee to so he could play quarterback, Bradford or Bridgewater? In case you do not want the Vikings to do so, let’s give the ball to our newest field general, Case Keenum.

There is a quarterback carousel that is steering our Viking longship, giving us the potential of conquering the Super Bowl in our homeland of Minnesota. Heading into the bye week, the Vikings stand 6-2 on top of the NFC North and second in the NFC, all accomplished by not a backup quarterback but our third-string quarterback. So, who is the Vikings quarterback right now?

Well, just in case if you were wondering, the Vikings picked him up through free agency this year and we didn’t even guarantee him a spot on the team. Yes, he had to make the team himself, beating out Taylor Heinicke for the last quarterback spot on the squad.

Now, standing at six foot nothing, two hundred nothing, Case Keenum is commanding both our aerial and ground attacks for our mighty Viking warriors as our field general, leading the Vikings to a victorious 6-2 start.

So who is Case Keenum and where did he come from?

With the hype of Teddy Bridgewater coming back and the inconceivable facts of Sam Bradford’s health, do we really need to put this guy on the bench to play someone already marked as “starting quarterback” for our team? That is the question that is pointing amongst the Viking nation right now, but what people fail to realize is who Case Keenum is and what kind of potential and prophecies that he has to offer and fulfill.

At the University of Houston, an NCAA DI school, he became college football’s all-time leader in touchdown passes, completions, and passing yards. Keenum still holds those records to this very day and yet he still went undrafted, signing a contract with the Texans to begin his NFL journey as a “career backup”.

People label him as such, but he isn’t playing like one of those “career backups”. At the halfway marker of the season, the mysterious Viking quarterback is up there with Matthew Stafford and Phillip Rivers, ranked 12th in the NFL in completion percentage. His passer rating ranks 20th in the league. Also, according to the Total QBR metric system provided by ESPN, he is the sixth-best passer in the league this year, making him a slight bit better than Aaron Rodgers and Russell Wilson, who are Super Bowl Champions and future Hall of Famers. Let’s not fail to mention that he has been better than Matt Ryan this year, who has an offense designed around him with big weapons of mass destruction like Julio Jones, and yet we still want to replace the most consistent quarterback that the Vikings franchise has had in the past eight years.

Keenum is in the company of Tom Brady and Deshaun Watson as the only quarterbacks in the NFL who are in the top six categories of QB rating, DYAR, and DVOA. That is some great company to be in.

The last time that a Viking quarterback was putting up and leading in this many statistical categories was Brett Favre in 2009.

Teddy Bridgewater hasn’t even had a season like this in his short career. Neither has Sam Bradford.

This just makes no sense that there is even a debate on who our quarterback should be.

The best possible thing to do is for Mike Zimmer to come out and tell the media that Case Keenum is the starting quarterback. This will take a lot of pressure off of him and will let the team know who their true leader is.

No classroom wants to have a substitute teacher all year long knowing that their actual teacher is very ill and could come back with questionable health. Neither do NFL football teams because of the hype that can happen, which can potentially lead to a downward spiral.

We do not know how good or bad Teddy Bridgewater will be if we give him the nod. Does any franchise want a one-legged quarterback playing? The Vikings seem to have two of them with Bradford’s knee injury as well. But, Case Keenum has both legs and the last time we checked, two legs are better than one.

He could be the reincarnation of Fran Tarkenton, an undrafted free agent who signed with the Vikings, becoming a future Hall of Famer. Case Keenum has the potential to also be another Tony Romo, unsigned, undrafted but yet unbroken.

Historically speaking, there have been plenty of backup quarterbacks to have won the Super Bowl. A few names to mention are Curt Warner, who was undrafted and cut by the Packers. He even played in the Arena Football league and the NFL’s European league. On top of that, he worked in a grocery store as a stock boy before leading “The Greatest Show on Turf” to a 13-3 season and a Super Bowl. Now, let’s touch on Roger “The Dodger” Staubach, a back up for five years before he finally got to start. He was named the starter for the 1971 season before Tom Landry decided to rotate him and Craig Morton, and then ultimately went with “The Dodger” to go undefeated for the rest of that season, and winning the Super Bowl that year.

Are these similarities starting to spook you a little bit?

This rundown of backup quarterbacks includes Jeff Hostetler, Jim Plunket, and Doug Williams. But, we can’t ever forget about the time when Tom Brady replaced Drew Bledsoe and never looked back after that.

Keenum has every similarity of that type of quarterbacking company. Case closed.

He has played every game as if he has something to prove with beaming pride knowing that he has more to offer than most think.

But, the horror.

Having two highly paid quarterbacks that are technically in front of him really puts this quarterback case in the hot seat. We know that when Keenum makes a big mistake this year, we will see Bridgewater play or maybe even Bradford. Despite Keenum going above and beyond our expectations, Teddy’s recovery has seemed to be that way as well. The flipside of this coin is that the NFL wants Teddy Bridgewater to comeback, Vikings fans want him back, and the Vikings organization want him to come back as well.

Teddy is a fan favorite because he has become one of the most beloved players in Viking history in part due to his story. Vikings fans really built him up after he almost lost his leg to a freak accident, speculating that he had major potential to be our answer to a championship. His story is now over-romanticized amongst Minnesotans, but the realistic point of view is that he hasn’t played a snap of NFL football for over 450 days.

All Keenum needs to do is to not throw interceptions, fumble and go three and out moving forward. It is simple, keep the other team’s offense off the field, manage the clock, don’t get penalized, and convert on third downs. If our defense is fresh in all our contests, we will consistently keep every team to under 20 points. All Keenum needs to do is put us in position to obtain 21 points a game. A win in the NFL is a win, it doesn’t matter how you do it because every “W” adds to the standings. Yet he has managed to continue to get points on the board and as he gets more comfortable he will be producing more touchdowns. The best part is that the Vikings have a good receiving core that have nice sticky hands that can catch passes. He does not need to throw the ball perfectly because he knows that the receivers can go up and get it.

Vikings fans fail to realize that.

Keenum can extend the play with both of his feet and throw the ball down the field, something that Bridgewater and Bradford are not really known for. You can argue for Teddy but he is more notorious for throwing the ball away and not being able to look further than ten to fifteen yards down the field because he panics.

Do the Vikings really want a one-legged quarterback named “Panic Teddy” to come back after a 450-day hiatus? If they do then they really are a cursed franchise.

Just because Keenum has been deemed as a “career backup” does not mean that is something that defines him. He has the potential of becoming a solid starter in the NFL like many “career backups” have.

William Shakespeare once wrote the words of Malvolio who spouted the line: “Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon us.”

But, remember he is not our backup, Case Keenum is our third string field general. Could he be the first ever third-string quarterback to lead a team to the promise land? Optimistically speaking, he could be the Viking warrior to lead his nation to Valhalla for the first time in history.

The Vikings need to believe in his cause and case.

Keenum is not the quarterback that the Vikings need or want, but he is the one that they deserve. That is who Case Keenum is.

Case closed.

Remember, “The Zos Knows”. 

-David Zosel

If you want to support my writing and for me to be able to create more content you can make a donation to either of these links:

Venmo or Patreon

I will give 10% of the proceeds to ONETREEPLANTED, a charity that plant trees to restore life to degraded lands all over the world. For every dollar donated there will be one tree planted.