CPB Journal

Frank Turner has been my favorite musician for my entire adult life. His lyrics have lived within me. I don’t search for music, I discover it. When I went to Dropkick Murphy’s during my freshmen year of college at First Ave, I became sold to Frank Turner. When he sang Photosynthesis and The Road it changed my life.  Those two songs song lyrics have been a major part of my identity. Man, that club is still the best music venue that I’ve ever been to. Props to Minneapolis.

Poem: Being Frank. Being Me.

“I discovered him. I talk very highly of him to people. I play his songs on guitar. I sing them to friends. His music is a small gift to my life. I found him, and he found me.”

No Man’s land is his eighth studio album, and his first concept album. It’s about forgotten women in history that made a difference, or with some revolutionary courage. Every song highlights women, and some of them are even an ode to music. Nica is one of his best songs, ever. That says a lot from me about Frank Turner.

I was listening to this album, and every song was sort of a love song, an ode. I teared up a little bit, because I miss my girlfriend. No Man’s Land was Frank singing to his fiance, Jess. He was singing to her. This is exactly how I felt.

This album is singing to Kaley and Chloe.

Frank is always looking out for me.

I want this job. Seriously, I can see myself doing major damage in the industry if I were to be here.

Alex Bogusky and David Zosel. I wanted to write those words in existence.

I want to learn from him, and I want to impress him. Who, wouldn’t? Most notably, I want to impress, Kelly and Tony.

The spirit of Frank Turner that I have would take me on the adventure of Boulder, and I’d take Kaley with me. Cooper and Marty too.

Frank Turner’s spirit is astral projected in me, it’s part of my soul. I wish everyone had that or can figure out which musician has the same relationship with.

I face the horizon everywhere I go. I face the horizon. The horizon is my home.

 

CPB Journal.

My dog is dying. I feel so bad that my girlfriend is going through this without me. I love my Chloe Bear, and I don’t know what to do. Kaley asked me if I would be mad if she had to be put down without me.

There are 12 days before I get back, and I don’t know if I’m going to have to fly back soon. I want to be there for Kaley.

I don’t know how this will affect my performance in the final stretch for Crash Course.

Before you continue reading, I want to give a shout out to my sponsor Regain.US. I wrote this journal as a replacement for my therapist/counselor while I was away from her for two months in Boulder, Colorado. A very important step towards achieving better mental health is by finding the right therapist/counselor. For more information, please check out this link here: https://www.regain.us/advice/counseling/

This is one big thing that I’m learning, and that is long-distance stuff is not for me. I told her a few weeks ago that if I go somewhere, or if she goes somewhere, we go together. I’m learning that anything can happen outside of work. But, my number one rule is when you’re at work, keep your personal stuff out of the workplace no matter what.

Prospective creatives, please learn this. Being an artist, it is very hard to do that because we can be emotional people.

It’s crazy how audacious my last entry was. That is just the confidence that I have in myself, and now I am sunken to rock bottom with five days till the last presentation.

I don’t want to win, but I have too. I feel like Rocky in the first Rocky movie. He doesn’t want to win, but he wants to go the distance.

My hockey coach always said, “If you’re here, you might as well win.”

But, my girlfriend is losing right now. I need to be there for her, and I’m having panic attacks right now as I’m writing this.

Good thing I took my work home this weekend and made a 75-page slide deck to show my CD. I can do that anyway of the week, the reason why I did this now was that I got great direction last Friday from my CD, and I just ran with it.

As an intern, this is what you need to do. If you can’t handle the high stakes pressure of this industry, then get out because it’s not for you.

This is what I bring to the table. I’m a machine.

But, I need to slow down at this point because of what is going on.

ABC, David. Always be concepting, always be cool.

I can’t have the best of both worlds. I want to do incredible work for CPB over a 3-5 year span, and I have the drive and determination to do so.

For most people who have read my books, blog, and have viewed any of my work there has always been a shift between being happy and sad.

I’m bipolar, and it’s my greatest power because I have harnessed the good in it, and I can destroy the bad parts. Journaling about this at my desk right now has destroyed this panic attack.

I need to stay strong for the love of my life and keep moving forward on this project.

Hearing your girlfriend with bad news in the morning isn’t a great way to start the day. I wish I could be there for her.

I’m scared. I don’t know what to do, but I’m doing the best I can.

I don’t know. I don’t know. I love them so much, and I’m out here doing what I love.

Gotta stay strong. No matter what life puts you through.

CPB Journal.

Writing this journal helps replace my therapist. It’s almost as good, and it does what I need it to do to balance my bipolar disorder.

So, if you need guidance, one of the best ways is through self-reflection through journaling.

When I’m at work, I feel free and happy. But, when I’m home, sad and tortured. I really love Boulder and being at CPB. The people here are great. But, I have goals and my support system back in Minneapolis. It is totally selfish of me to be out here doing this.

My dog is dying, my grandma is dying, and my girlfriend needs me. I just miss my Kaley Pie.

This is boot camp in advertising. A strategist said that this program is way better than internships because we have a client to work on, present to, and to win an account.

This week’s client presentation went very well. BrainCO groomed me well for this moment. I know for a fact that my other two graduating classmates do not have this valuable experience at their agencies for the summer. I got denied by five agencies back in Minneapolis, and yet I get the most powerful experience.

I’ve got to put my hands in the Dominoes, Hotels.com, TRUTH, Jose Cuervo, 1800, and American Airlines creative melting pots along with trying to save the world with Good Spread.

I’ve created the most ideas, headlines, scripts, taglines, and conceptualizations in my program. But, that doesn’t mean anything. Although, it shows the type of pride I have in doing that. Lock me in a room and I’ll come out with more work than you.

I have a lot of projects to do in my life that are all currently a work in progress, but I need to focus on this one project. Time is running out for Crash Course, and I need to put every ounce of effort into the final stretch. For me, and for Kaley.

Ask yourself, what do I want to put all of my energy into? What motivates you the most? And focus all of your chi into it. Channel it. Take it.

Alex Bogusky is creating a new creative scientific method. My heart tells me that whatever it is, that of all people in the agency, I would benefit the most from it, and it would propel me to become the best creative… ever.

I have quite a few things in common with that guy. I’m just a little clueless at this point.

But, I know that I am a machine and nothing can stop me now.

Pardon my language, but fuck playing the political game. Kiss people’s asses and everything. But, be honest and be yourself. If you’re reading this then you’re probably a creative like me. You have an ego. You have a little bit of Picasso in you.

Your ego is your best your greatest weapon as an artist.

I was asked who should win this competition, and I said, my writing partner. I meant that with my head, but my heart says that it is me. I said it should be her because her creative energy balances the creative energy in the agency. But, it should be me.

At the end of the day though, I don’t care about winning this. I want to create the Subservient Chicken. If I can achieve that, a successful campaign, then I am winning.

Everything we have is good enough. And I think what we have sucks. I wish the client didn’t like what we have. I wish the client meeting didn’t go well. Maybe Tony and Kelly’s guidance helped propel us to that type of success.

This is why you must listen to your creative directors.

But, still. I have not unlocked the secret to Subservient Chicken. This is why whatever the method Bogusky has in store could make me one of the best creatives of all time. If I don’t get to be molded into that, then I’ll make my own way.

If that hefty foreseen vision and ambition doesn’t ever pan out for me, and until the day I die, then at least I can say I fucking tried.

That’s the only eulogy I need.

Alex Bogusky, you need me. I see so many second and third-generation advertising kids at this agency. This creates complacency. There isn’t enough diversity there, especially in the creative department, and overall it would be a mistake to not hire me or my partner.

I’ve been making my own way in this industry. I’m sure a lot of people at CPB have as well. But, I won’t lose that drive or hunger. I see Alex Bogusky, and I don’t see an advertising wunderkind, I see him as the fastest player on the hockey team that leads the drills, making the team keep up with him.

I’d like to see more of that from him. When we lost a big client account, I wish he gathered the troops and tried to boost morale.

That is not who he is. But, that is me.

My opinions don’t matter. The only thing that matters is the creative audacity that I can bring.

I only want to work here if I have a full-time job that is offered on a 3-5 year contract.

Just work hard, be honest, and be yourself. If you make a mistake, then fuck it. Be yourself.

My mom says, “Being yourself never works.” Well, being a political tactician never has worked for me either.

The honest truth is that my mom knows who she is, and that is what she is. But, I’m not her. It’s like Tom Brady. Everyone knows what he is doing, but that is him. If everyone tried to be like him, then the world would go mad. My mom is Tom Brady at Medtronic.

Seriously.