How I Deal With Panic Attacks.

During my entire life, I have struggled with constant panic attacks. Since last Wednesday, December 13, 2017, I suffered from over 50 panic attacks. This also includes one constant 24-hour panic attack. As I mentioned in my last article I suffer from bipolar I disorder, dealing with many panic attacks. Over the past four years, I have developed methods for ending my panic attacks, and I would like to share them with you.

Therapists provide a lot of information on the web, but the best way to prevent a panic attack is to know what works for yourself. The problem with mental health websites is that they only give technical procedural advice, but they do not provide any basic specific things that you can do.

Here are some examples of the things that they say online:

Breath slow. Stop and think. Think positively. Relax. Distract yourself. Stop negative thinking. Use coping statements. Recognize that this is what your body is supposed to do. Know that they will all end.

This is great information, but it is all written by professionals who speak in hieroglyphs to people who cannot decipher them. What I am doing is giving you my comprehension through effective examples of what I do.

Panic attacks put on a facade of the idea that the world will end. The most important thing to know is that you are in control of it.

In no particular order, here are effective things that I do:

 

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Photo credit: Shane Hudak

 

Don’t think! I do not know why advice online says to “Stop and Think”. It makes no sense because your thoughts are racing. To combat this partake in activities that use little to no thought.

I change my environment. A change of scenery always tricks my brain and train of thought. It is effective in the sense that it will change your thought process and assuage panicking.
A change in perspective is vital because you will adjust to your surroundings.

Exercise is vital. If I can’t get to the gym, I get outside and start walking. Once, I walked ten miles by myself, listening to music. Walking is surprisingly very therapeutic.

Breathe. We obliviously hold our breath too long while under attack, or you are suffering from shortness of breath. Take ten deep breaths. Breathing is the easiest task that you can do right away. Never forget that it is hard to live life without breathing. If you can breathe then you can do anything.

I remove myself from social situations. If I have to be there, then I leave the room, go for a walk or to the bathroom.

Do not call or text anyone that you are seeking attention from. I lost one of my best friends because I freaked them out over the phone. Moreover, stay away from your phone because notifications add to the stressful anxiety.

Don’t talk to people unless you trust them. A big mistake that I made was that I talked to strangers and called people on the phone. Keeping your thoughts to yourself is the best way because, in the end, you’ll be fine. All in all, your panic attack will end and then your random interactions with people will embarrass and make you depressed.

Do something goofy. I jump up and down on my bed and I pretend that I am a rapper. This provides a nice release in the brain because it can calm you down. My favorite thing to do is to talk to my cat.

Think positively about your small victories. The little “wins” that you have had during the day is a great way to trigger the positive optimism in your brain which can help nullify your anxiety. This reminds that you’ve been proactive and whatever lies ahead of you will be another small task to accomplish. I find small victories in doing the dishes or any small task. While under a panic attack, I remember those little things, then I slowly am ready to take on bigger tasks. If you have ten minutes a day to solve, fix, accomplish, and etc. for a task then it will still get you closer than before. Numerous small battles equate to winning a bigger war.

Do not go thrill seeking by drinking at a bar, consuming drugs, skydiving, approaching strangers and on so forth. Substance usage is not ever good for mental health. If you think smoking marijuana is going to be helpful, then think again because it is only a temporary solution.

Live vicariously through other mediums. Write, read, draw, watch a movie, or indulge yourself in your favorite album. Find something that can take you away from reality for a bit. This calms the brain. For me, I write a thousand words and then my panic attacks are gone.

Eat. I carry a granola bar to nibble in case if an attack strikes. This way your stomach has something to do in order to distract your brain. Plus, if you are suffering from recurring panic attacks it is very difficult to eat because your stomach wants food, but your brain is too stressed out to eat.

It is important to be fearless. Most importantly, do not be afraid of panic attacks. Each time they occur, it only makes you stronger. Every time you fight them it gets a little easier.

In conclusion, panic attacks are how your brain plays tricks on you. That is all it is. With my advice, I have shown you how to trick your brain back so you can get your day going again!

Remember, “The Zos Knows”. 

-David Zosel

If you want to support my writing and for me to be able to create more content you can make a donation to either of these links:

Venmo or Patreon

I will give 10% of the proceeds to ONETREEPLANTED, a charity that plant trees to restore life to degraded lands all over the world. For every dollar donated there will be one tree planted. 

My Gifted Curse Called Bipolar I Disorder.

This is my confession of acceptance to the world. I suffer from the severe Bipolar disorder that I have and it has really held me back thus far in my mid-twenties. Do not feel sorry for me because this is my “Gifted Curse”.

After finally growing tired of waking up everyday feeling like a different person during my non-medicated stint of bipolar disorder, I made a change for myself because it was the right time in my life to move forward to nullify the constant disbalance in my life.

Four years ago I started to notice a higher power that was comparable to when a superhero discovers their powers. My friends and family viewed it differently as I fell into serious insomnia, racing thoughts, decreased appetite, and my mouth could never keep up with how fast my brain was moving.

At the time I thought that this was the greatest thing ever, seriously, despite my physical state my life was a holiday. I could access every part of my brain, and now I could finally put it all together and use it to conquer the world.

The way I viewed my changes was as if I had become a super mutant in X-Men. Whereas all of my friends and family became very concerned about me. I wasn’t capable of knowing the reality that I was in because of my delusional mania.

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A rough design that I made for the cover of my first book, “Gray Poopon”. Illustrator Luke T. Benson will be taking creative control with the design.

From five projects I was suddenly doing 20. There was one point that I kept dropping things in my apartment going from one task to another. I was walking back and forth fleeing from one thing to another, finding myself always out of breath. From working, financing a short film, promoting a Kickstarter, moving, starting a business, writing a screenplay, and with the list that ensued I was ready to take over the world.

When inspiration struck every five seconds, I furiously wrote them down in a booklet. Now, I can’t even read the maniacal handwriting. Then I started breaking glasses, furniture, and getting paper cuts accidentally.

It became clear to everyone, except me.

They told me to get help, and I refused to listen. I was flourishing and no one could stop me from reaching my potential.

It is hard to recollect the phone calls or what my diabolical plan was to take over the world through filmmaking, entrepreneurship, my own 747 private jet filled with champagne and perfect 10 models, and all the excess that I could achieve at age 21.

Darkness struck and I do not remember any of the details of the 48 hours that transitioned me into a very spine-chilling life chapter.

Then I woke up in a detained room in a hospital. For the next part of my life, I spent time in a psychiatric ward at North Memorial Hospital being informed that I had type I Bipolar Disorder.

I couldn’t accept it. Every day I tried to get out of that wretched place trying to convince everyone that I was fine. Compared to everyone else, I was happy and they were all sad. But, you cannot compare your situation to others, ever.

After being pumped with many of drugs, I vowed to never go back again. The aftermath of being released to the outside showed me life wouldn’t be the same as I found myself being reborn into something that I didn’t understand.

I scared all of my close friends away. The only people that I had in my circle was my therapist and family. I am thankful that I had my family because people who go through this sometimes don’t even have that.

After months of medication, hair loss, weight gain, and medically induced suicidal thoughts, slowly I eased myself back into a gray life. Then I decided to stop medicating in order to discover who I truly was.

Since then I have documented all of my tendencies with the help of my therapist. Last year in the fall of 2016, I learned that bad things happen in threes. With all of the natural things that I did to combat Bipolar Disorder, I could not handle insomnia, delusions, paranoia, stress, and all of the brewing mania. With one slip up, I could have gone back to the hospital. With me seeing these changes, and finally knowing myself better than everyone else, I made the decision to commit to a medication that I had never tried before, Lamictal.

I call it “Gray Poopon”, the title of my first volume in my book series, “Conquering the Gifted Curse”. This is the world’s first written in real time memoir, as I document every change that I go through with medication along with my life and how I handle my problems. The etymology for the title came from the fear of what medication can do. I didn’t want to lose my productivity, bravado, and ambition. I am horrified of feeling gray and pooped on by Lamictal. All I want in my life was to feel like a fresh jar of Grey Poupon.

Reality is now the hard part that is beginning. Now I am sharing with people my three-part documented journey with medication, self-betterment, and life problem solving to find balance in the life of a swaying monstrous mindset. I have never been so scared, but I am giving it all to the world.

I am sharing my journey to provide vital information, swallowing my pride and shallow secrets. On January 5th of 2018, I am releasing “Gray Poopon”, my first book on Amazon. I need to do this in order to help people with mental illnesses. Releasing my problems to the world is going to help students, psychiatrists, and people understand their loved ones with mental health issues. I just want to help someone because I didn’t have any guide to this and maybe this will be the perfect help to someone. After reading numerous books, memoirs, stories, and blogs I really wished that I had something as specific as this because taking prescription medication is a terrifying.

This is my “Gifted Curse” and I have accepted who I am. Despite the adversity of it seriously holding me back, I have great advantages and it is no excuse.

“I am now learning to get my life on, harnessing this X-men power by the hour, getting my superhero on, with Charles Xavier naming me The Gray Poopon.”

Remember, “The Zos Knows”. 

-David Zosel

If you want to support my writing and for me to be able to create more content you can make a donation to either of these links:

Venmo or Patreon

I will give 10% of the proceeds to ONETREEPLANTED, a charity that plant trees to restore life to degraded lands all over the world. For every dollar donated there will be one tree planted. 

 

Enjoy the Journey, Embrace the Heartbreak.

There is no such thing as a guaranteed happy ending that pertains to our lives. Humans all walk around with the weight of past failures, present hardships, and future heartbreak upon their shoulders. Life brings many dimensions such as risk-taking, relationships, and new beginnings. Within these three views of life, they all begin with moving forward through a journey. Some of them end, and others last. Heartbreak may seem terrible, but if we can look back and enjoy the journey with the strength to endure the moment, then heartbreak can be the most beautiful feeling ever.

Taylor Swift and her family got up and moved from Pennsylvania to Nashville when she was very young as she pursued a dream amongst many others who did the same in the Music City. As audacious as she and her family were, there was still a fear somewhere in the back of their minds that this action could be all for nothing. Many musicians fail in Nashville, but many thrive. Her parents knew that they needed to sacrifice everything to help their daughter pursue her dreams because they didn’t want to know what it was like to not have taken this chance. Buried in the backs of minds of many artists and struggling musicians all over the world, there is a fear of heartbreak and failure while they pursue their dreams. But, the journey outweighs all of the failures, hardship, and heartbreak. Even if the pursuit was a bad experience, at least one can have the courage to face fear eye to eye and go for something that they wanted.

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Nothing is more admirable.

Relationships are hard. They either end or you spend the rest of your life with this one special person, with the slight chance of failure. Nothing is for certain. Many break-ups occur and radios, love letters, grand gestures, and rocks are thrown at windows, but at least someone does something about it. The time spent, hands that were held, and the long slow wet kisses aren’t even the best part. It is the missing of one, heartbreak, and sadness in our hearts that we should embrace because of the beauty of the adventure is what makes a relationship with a loved one truly amazing. This goes with any relationship, from even a glance at a stranger, a 90-hour hostel romance with a foreigner, a two-week fling, and even with the hardships of an everlasting marriage is what makes it bittersweet. It is slow ever fading forgetfulness about the other person is the worst part.

A door opening to another chapter can be exhilarating, leading to great optimism and opportunity. But, the problems from the last chapter that you had in your life will always follow you. What is most important to remember is that we must embrace what is ahead in this new chapter. Yes, and heartbreak, hardships, and failure could be lurking in that direction. But, so is momentum and success because nothing is a sure thing. Failure gorgeous because we only can learn from it and rise harder and stronger.

No matter what, all past failures, heartache, and hardships that we go through whether it is in relationships, risk-taking, or in a new chapter, they are there to provide a strong foundation in order to set us up for success to create a new level of life fulfillment. It is always easy to enjoy the journey when things go well, but it is difficult to keep that mindset when they go awry. But, those convictions can teach us a lot. It is hard to enjoy our journey if we ignore the struggle because, without failure or heartache, we cannot enjoy our successes whenever that moment arises. When that aching feeling happens, it is imperative that we look back and enjoy the journey with the strength to endure the moment, then heartbreak can be the most bittersweet.

Because in the end, the journey outweighs all of the pain.

Remember, “The Zos Knows”. 

-David Zosel

If you want to support my writing and for me to be able to create more content you can make a donation to either of these links:

Venmo or Patreon

I will give 10% of the proceeds to ONETREEPLANTED, a charity that plant trees to restore life to degraded lands all over the world. For every dollar donated there will be one tree planted. 

The Ballad of St. James: This Is What Life Is All About.

As he greeted Miss Gretchen, his Uncle August threw her rusty bucket across the family hardware store. He said, Jimmy, “Get another bucket.”

He left Wadena when August died, to become a veterinarian in the beginning of September. He failed vet classes to be a food inspector in the Navy. That’s when he met his lady, Carolynn Anne, saying, “Baby I got a plan.”

He said, “We’re moving to 14 different cities because this what life is all about. So let’s get up and shout.”

This is what life is really all about.

St. James was just being himself and that is what life is really all about.

This is what it’s all about.

A man of many vocations, he drove his family around the country in Volkswagen bus, and he said that there is no one like us. Courageous cunning characters, his kids were all rebellions just as he was but, except for one. The one who protects his mom.

I don’t know whose singing at the altar, but that seems to be my own father. St. James was the greatest alcoholics counselor who wrote letters saying:

Fearless factions fought for all the fakes, who don’t remember their own place. Be real just in case because this what people should be about.

He told his grandson to be himself because this is what life is all about.

A strange man beat down an afro-haired teenager down south in Tangletown, St. James said, “Get off him, get off him, off him!”

Then he looked at his son and said, “Stand up for what you believe. This is how it’s supposed to be. I’m not going to be anyone but me.”

Scream and shout, that this is what life is all about.

This is what it’s all about.

Saint James was the only one who knew what life was really all about.

Remember, “The Zos Knows”. 

-David Zosel

If you want to support my writing and for me to be able to create more content you can make a donation to either of these links:

Venmo or Patreon

I will give 10% of the proceeds to ONETREEPLANTED, a charity that plant trees to restore life to degraded lands all over the world. For every dollar donated there will be one tree planted. 

Dear, Case Keenum

Dear, Case Keenum.

You mean a lot to many people in Minnesota, and if people don’t understand then they don’t know it yet because they are oblivious to it.

For certain, I am not your biggest fan, but I am your biggest believer. The minute after the first half ended against Tampa Bay, with each and every second that passed within that minute, I wanted you to be our quarterback.

You have a special intangible about yourself that most people don’t have. You were a great talent in college that no one cared for in the NFL. Everywhere that you have gone in your NFL career, no one ever really wanted you and you were treated like a pawn in the bigger scheme of the chess match.

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Who cares about size, arm strength and your other doubted abilities that you have heard during your career? The answer to that is you. Case Keenum does not care. The only thing that you care about is the next game.

Six foot, nothing. Two hundred, nothing. Do not tell me that you represent the small guy because you are playing like a mighty Viking Warrior. You’re not Joe Montana or John Elway, but you have the core qualities of a great quarterback.

You are the unlikely hero of Viking Nation.

Resonating with many, you represent all of the late bloomers that shine brightly when given the right opportunity, being the right talent in the right structure. You give everything that you have and despite your circumstances, you believe in yourself. You have taught me that one can overcome because if we keep persevering and believe, that we will eventually get our chance to shine because we all have greatness threshed upon us.

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Now, you are blossoming, and people still don’t want you. Still, you are treated like a pawn. You do not represent the “little guy” but, the person who is always put in the back seat of the car by your buddies when you’re the only one who knows how to get to the destination. Then, you’re put in the front seat with the responsibility to drive all of your friends after being lost for a few hours, and they are all breathing down your neck questioning your every move while trying to make you change the music. But, you know how to steer the car in the right direction because you are the conductor who orchestrates the music in the car ride to victory.

Everyone is waiting for you to mess up, but I am waiting for you to be victorious. That is the difference between me and most people which is my level of optimism, which I see in you during every snap of the ball.

It doesn’t matter if you don’t belong somewhere. Who cares if no one ever wanted you. Forget anyone who ever doubted your abilities. What kept you through all of this to get yourself to the point where you’re at is faith and belief. Having faith in yourself is one of the greatest powers that a person can have.

This is why you resonate with me. For the oblivious Minnesotans that don’t know that you mean a lot to them, this is the reason why.

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Hold on to this moment and never let go for the rest of your career.

Skol Vikings.

Remember, “The Zos Knows”. 

-David Zosel

If you want to support my writing and for me to be able to create more content you can make a donation to either of these links:

Venmo or Patreon

I will give 10% of the proceeds to ONETREEPLANTED, a charity that plant trees to restore life to degraded lands all over the world. For every dollar donated there will be one tree planted. 

You Are The Common Denominator.

Pessimism is a detriment to anyone’s aura because it is the greatest disability in life. Making excuses and blaming bad situations on others/circumstances rather owning up to your actions and trying to control the hardships to the best of our abilities with a positive attitude. We need to know that despite our struggles and bad luck that we (you) are the common denominator. Yes, that is right because we are the dependent variable that will always be there in every situation. Kurt Vonnegut has an amazing philosophy towards this point in which we complain and dramatize our pain and adversities in our lives in “Slaughterhouse Five”. Back then, my high school athletic director didn’t care about my hazardous relationship with this “moronical” maniac. On the contrary, the fact that we all are victims of our problems isn’t true. This ideology makes us realize that we are the reason for the downfall and that it is irrelevant to point your fingers at anything else. In order to prevent and overcome, we need to have acceptance and march forward with a strategically positive attitude.

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Looking back, playing hockey for a powerhouse program, and with that competitive environment, there were major problems. Since I did not know how to handle this older kid who was giving me a plethora of problems, let’s call him Moron, parents were concerned for me which lead to them bringing it up with the athletic director. This moron actually would never leave me alone because he was my oppressor. It was that bad. The worst part was that the AD did not care because I remember sitting in his office and he said that everything was my fault and whatever I was doing to attract this attention was all on me.

The AD told me to figure it out and then to get out of his office, offering no advice on how to deal with it. How does a 17-year-old figure that out? I was the common denominator in this scenario for three years. Now when I look back on that situation, I pity Moron because it is so unfortunate that someone could be that insecure to treat another person that way. It is quite pathetic.

I am so much stronger now because the journey brings a joy that outweighs the pain.

Continuing on this idea, author Kurt Vonnegut writes in “Slaughterhouse Five” in one of his most famous illustrations in his novels writes, “Everything was beautiful, and nothing hurt” on a gravestone. Goodness, doesn’t that strike a chord with you? We spend all of our lives complaining and dramatizing all of our problems, and when our lives end we come to peace if we are lucky, realizing how we got that opportunity to live and experience all of the heartbreak, struggle, and pain. The only thing in life that is guaranteed is death. But, it is extremely difficult to stop complaining about your issues or anything in life, but it is good to know that all of the pain is quite a dubiously beautiful thing because one day it will all go away and it won’t hurt anymore.

We as human beings need to come to face the actualization that the individual is the common denominator and that the oppression comes from the independent variable. Your actions will cause an equal or greater reaction to any situation. You are the master of your own domain and the captain of your own ship. So be quick, wise, and make your next move to set yourself up to steer the ship in order to prosper the day.

Remember, “The Zos Knows”. 

-David Zosel

If you want to support my writing and for me to be able to create more content you can make a donation to either of these links:

Venmo or Patreon

I will give 10% of the proceeds to ONETREEPLANTED, a charity that plant trees to restore life to degraded lands all over the world. For every dollar donated there will be one tree planted. 

Don’t Be A “Schrute”.

Schrute

adjective
1. one who brings others down for personal gain; specifically when one is on the downfall.
his schrute intentions were carried out; the coach was schrute as he benched his star player knowing that he was going to be fired.

This word will be submitted to the Oxford English in order to cement it in the English language. There is no exact word for a person who commits actions like this and it is about time in the history of the world’s most common language that there is a single word that describes this very demeaning, petulant, and Machiavellian action.

After seeing future Hall of Fame quarterback Eli Manning benched after 200 plus starts for one week, then being named as the starter after Ben McAdoo was fired in the following week, one can only speculate that there was a spiteful hidden agenda that McAdoo had. Why would you bench your Hall of Fame quarterback when you have no prospects in your pipeline? This may be a bias opinion but, one can speculate that there was something going on sub rosa.

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Due to his inability to win football games, Ben McAdoo knew that he was going to be fired eventually during the year. There was no doubt about it. We do not know the motive behind the benching of his quarterback, but it seems that McAdoo was dragging Eli Manning down with him. A selfish act only to get his last gasp of New York City publicity in order to set himself up for a small market or well-paying college football job, as he looked powerful and intelligent for benching a hall of fame quarterback, which snapped his consecutive start streak.

Ben McAdoo was schrute towards Eli Manning due to the Giants losing record.

It is hard to form sentences with this new word, but it is still in its infancy, having vast potential.

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The etymology of this word comes from the hit show, “The Office”, from everyone’s favorite character Dwight Schrute, who is the personification of this adjective. Throughout the ten year run of the show, he is on the ultimate conquest to become the regional manager, along with many other pursuits, taking down anyone down with him for his personal gain. But the thought-provoking inspiration in which the word stems from is from what happened between McAdoo, Eli Manning, and The New York Giants.

In order to prevent ourselves from being “schrute”, we all need to be on a quest of becoming universally benevolent, a philosophy that we all should practice anyway because it is good will.

Mo Tzu has a major impact on this philosophy on universal love, which bleeds heavily into the branch of universal benevolence. He emphasizes that if you are not universally benevolent then you are selfish seeking your own advantage, hence being schrute. When you are benevolent, you are are not selfish. When you are being schrute, you are being selfish, in which Mo Tzu believes that selfishness leads to theft, war, and injustice.

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We need to really take to heart what the Chinese philosopher believes because love is the fundamental basis for living a benevolent life. In conclusion to this ideology, universal love is meant where there are no distinctions made between family, friends, and foes. It is only through love that you can get justice, and if we can find the love in our hearts to be a better people to all, then we can get justice towards the schrute.

Remember, “The Zos Knows”. 

-David Zosel

If you want to support my writing and for me to be able to create more content you can make a donation to either of these links:

Venmo or Patreon

I will give 10% of the proceeds to ONETREEPLANTED, a charity that plant trees to restore life to degraded lands all over the world. For every dollar donated there will be one tree planted.