With the upcoming Holiday’s sneaking up on all of us, I hope you all are excited to spend time with your family and friends this holiday season. Most importantly I hope you get the chance to go and see a Christmas day film, experiencing all of the cinematic blockbuster goodness that Hollywood has to offer. Being from Minnesota, with the exception of our WNBA team, we could possibly be one of the sorriest sports cities in all of the “US of A” right now. The Vikings love to annually break our hearts. The Wild really like to inspire hope that they will bring us Lord Stanley’s Cup during this time of year. The Twins are not making any great off-season acquisitions, and the Timberwolves give us all false-advertising about their young potential. But, there is one thing that we can hang our head’s upon and stick our chests our proudly about because we are the state that produced one of the most significant volunteer regiments for the Union in the American Civil War. Football and war; all the same thing right? Here, I present to you a research paper that I wrote when I was 17 year’s old. It is about the First Minnesota Volunteer Infantry and how their efforts during the Battle of Gettysburg was the most crucial moment in the Union’s conquest to win the war. I believe that the basis of this paper would make one of the greatest war films of all time.  The Heroic Efforts of the First Minnesota Volunteer Regiment at The Battle of Gettysburg: ​         The American Civil War weighs on the hearts and minds of many Americans. There have been differing opinions by historians from the North and South. A lot has been written about the American Civil War, which took place during the mid-1860s. The general public knows about great battles and courageous heroes such as Colonel Samuel L. Chamberlain, General Ulysses Grant, General “Stonewall” Jackson, and General Robert E. Lee.  Hardly anyone has heard of Colonel William Colvill of the First Minnesota Volunteer Regiment. One of the biggest contributions during the American Civil War took place at the Battle of Gettysburg where the First Minnesota Volunteer Infantry charged a broken line for about ten minutes, which prevented the Confederate army from breaking through the center of the battlefield.  It prevented a quick and decisive end to the battle and perhaps the war.   First Minnesota’s contribution at the Battle of Gettysburg was the most courageous effort in the American Civil War. It has been overlooked by many historians.  Other heroic aspects of the battle such as Little Round Top receive more notoriety on a national level. When the American Civil War broke out at Fort Sumter in 1860, Minnesota was just three years old as a state. When President Abraham Lincoln called for 75,000 troops in 1861, Minnesota Governor Alexander Ramsey just so happened to be in Washington D.C. at the time (Folwell 4). Governor Ramsey was committed to getting as many troops as he could from the state of Minnesota. The regiment was organized at Fort Snelling, Minnesota, on April 29. The First Minnesota Infantry Regiment was one of the first units organized after President Lincoln’s call for 75,000 troops. The regiment was quickly filled with enthusiastic men from all parts of Minnesota and was one of the few regiments that received training by a qualified officer. By April 30th, 1861, there were nine hundred volunteers that had been mustered into training at Fort Snelling. By June, one hundred more men joined the training at Fort Snelling increasing the number of volunteers to one thousand (Watts 195). Military training at Fort Snelling was underfunded but very rigorous. The training was lead by Colonel Willis Arnold Gorman, a veteran of the Mexican War, who gave First Minnesota the knowledge and training that they needed (Folwell 4). Being a new state at the time, the training was poorly funded. There was a lack of food, equipment, and uniforms. Despite a lack of resources, Colonel Willis A. Gorman proceeded on with an extremely tough training program to get the volunteers ready to fight in the war on time. Daily drills went on at the fort company, battalion, and regimental formations. Most officers and raw recruits weren’t really familiar with the fundamentals of drilling and military maneuvers. On route to Washington, they stopped in Chicago for a parade. The next day the Chicago Tribune wrote: “There are few regiments we have ever seen that can compare in brawn and muscle with theses Minnesotans, used to the ax, rifle, the oar and the setting pole. They are unquestionably the finest body of troops that has yet appeared on our streets.” (Folwell 6) The mighty lumberjacks from the Minnesota were ready for battle. Minnesota’s regiment was involved in many key battles from Bull Run to Gettysburg. They did not have to wait long for its initial taste of fighting. They fought at Bull Run on July 21, 1861, and suffered heavier casualties (147 killed and wounded) than any other Northern regiments engaged in battle.  Antietam was a lost cause because First Minnesota played a part in stopping the Confederacy from getting to Washington, but General McClellan wasted the opportunity to chase after the Confederates to win the battle decisively (Moe 189). McClellan didn’t realize that he had the South outnumbered. Antietam became an unnecessary draw. They played another big role in the battle of Fredricksburg. On May 3rd and 4th, 1863, they fought courageously with lots of heart and helped force the Confederate army to “skedaddle” (Folwell 23). When General Howard commented that Minnesota’s troops held firm, General Alfred Sully replied, “The First Minnesota never runs” (Folwell 23). The Union was unable to win a significant battle on the Eastern front, like Bull Run, Battle of Seven Days, Fredericksburg, and Chancellorsville. Antietam was considered only a hollow victory because the Union army stopped the Confederates from advancing to Washington D.C. but they did not pursue the Confederates when they had a chance to win decisively.  The Union Army was later given the command to follow the Confederate Army, who marched north along the west side of the Blue Ridge Mountains for protection. William Colvill, the First Minnesota Colonel, did not fully follow orders. As he was marching First Minnesota up the Monocacy River, they ran into some congestion that slowed the regiment down (Holcombe 349). He decided to let some of his men march around the river near Frederick, Maryland. The next day, the regiment experienced the embarrassment of having its Colonel arrested (Folwell 8). This decision produced strong feelings of resentment from the men who felt that their Colonel was dealt with unfairly. In the summer of 1863, the Union was in desperate need of a victory as the Confederacy was getting farther and farther into Union territory on route to Washington DC.  For the Confederate army to get to Washington D.C., they had to go through Gettysburg where the Union Army was standing in the way.  Luckily, General John Buford arrived at Gettysburg, days before the battle began to survey the land (Moe 258). Buford took command of the high ground because it would give the Union a huge advantage. Buford’s strategic concept of taking the high ground led the Union to victory at the Battle of Gettysburg (Moe 259). Awakened at 3:00 a.m. on July 2, First Minnesota arrived on Cemetery Ridge at  5:45 a.m. and soon welcomed Colonel Colvill, who had just been released from his arrest and reinstated into the army. Sergeant James A. Wright wrote about how the regiment responded. When Colvill showed up, “He was received with a spontaneous outburst of cheering and clapping of hands,” said Wright (Leehan 34). This rallied the troops and gave them a morale boost. First Minnesota was instructed that they had to sit out in reserve. Light cannon fire shot throughout the day, killing one soldier and wounding another. First Minnesota had to sit and watch in frustration seeing, the Union Army losing yet another battle due to poor leadership and unwise battle tactics.  An example of poor leadership that day came from General Daniel Sickles (Moe 264). His lack of military training became evident when he concluded that he didn’t like the ground he had been ordered to defend.  Sickle decided to do something about it. He ordered his troops to break ahead near Plum Run, which left a hole in the right side. Sickles had found the higher ground he was looking for, but in doing so, he had left both of his flanks hanging in the air, and it dangerously exposed a hole for the Confederate Army. Sitting there and watching in frustration was the First Minnesota regiment, awaiting their chance to do something about this erroneous decision. Sergeant John W. Plummer wrote about their frustration: “We all felt very bad, but resolved when our chance to do our best to retrieve the fortunes of the day, hardly expecting to come out of the conflict unharmed.” (Moe 266) Most soldiers in the face of the near advance of such an overpowering Confederate force would have panicked and retreated. But First Minnesota had never yet deserted any post and had never retired without orders.  At 7:00 pm, General Hancock, rode up his horse at full speed, calling out as he reached First Minnesota: “What regiment is this?” he shouted (Kunz 38). Colvill responded, “First Minnesota.” “Charge those lines,” commanded General Hancock (Kunz 38). The soldiers of First Minnesota realized in an instant what the order meant; they needed to stop Confederate General Wilcox’s advancing brigade. This sacrifice of First Minnesota’s regiment was to gain a few minutes of time and save the position and probably the battlefield. Every man accepted the necessity for sacrifice because they knew that without them, a clear road to Washington D.C.  for the Confederate Army (Kunz 39). Responding quickly to Colvill’s orders, the regiment quickly got into a perfect line. With muskets on their right shoulders, a shift was in a moment sweeping down the slope directly upon the charging Confederate army.  First Minnesota, moving at the double-time, not stopping to fire, although the enemy fired immediately, began to thin the ranks. “Charge,” shouted Colvill, and with leveled bayonets, at a full run the Minnesota men rushed upon the rebel lines (Kunz 39). They charged up the ravine near Plum Run. Each of the soldiers attacked with their bayonets and then fired their muskets at a point-blank range, creating a one-two punch impact (Leehan 63). They momentarily pushed back and confused Wilcox’s troops who outnumbered Minnesota by 4 to 1. First Minnesota did their job and held that line for about ten minutes so reinforcements could come to close the line and provide support. Once reinforcements came from the 19th of Maine, the 111th of New York Regiments and other New York Regiments, Hancock eventually ordered the diminishing First Minnesota to fall back.  Their efforts helped the Union Army maintain a solid position to prevent the Union from losing the battle on day two. Some soldiers thought that falling back was more frightening than the charge itself. Private John Plummer wrote, “We dreaded to go back to the danger of it… We fell back and it was then I had the first feeling of fear during the fight. I felt almost sure I would be hit and I saw many wounded going back.” (Leehan 74) With twilight approaching rapidly, the second day of battle ended. Only 47 of the 262 men were left standing to answer the regimental roll call. Of those 262 men, 215 were dead or severely wounded (Kunz 39). It was the most severe loss suffered by a Union regiment during the American Civil War. Of all those men, none of them were reported missing. First Minnesota’s brave and gallant men were sacrificed to save the Union Army from devastation. They lost 82 percent of their men. The third and final day of the battle awaited another ordeal for the Minnesota survivors: Pickett’s Charge.  First Minnesota rejoined their brigade.  They were placed on the front line of the Second Division, Second Corps, whose position later was to become the new objective of the Confederate General Lee. After two hours of continuous cannon fire, the guns suddenly stopped. Later, lines of gray uniforms emerged from the woods as 15,000 Confederate soldiers headed directly towards the Second Division’s position.  First Minnesota, with only 47 men, rushed to join other regiments to stop “General Pickett’s Charge.” When the South was defeated, General Robert E. Lee began his retreat southward. First Minnesota’s participation on the third day resulted in seventeen more deaths in the regiment (Kunz 40). The Union victory at the Battle of Gettysburg was the turning point in the American Civil War because it prevented the Confederacy from marching into Washington D.C. and win the war. It also gave the Union lots of confidence that they could win the war. Gettysburg was the first major defeat suffered by Lee. It repelled his second invasion of the North and inflicted serious casualties on the Army of Northern Virginia. From this point forward, Lee attempted no more strategic offensives. Two men from Minnesota, Henry D. O’Brien, a corporal from St. Anthony Falls (Minneapolis) and Marshall Sherman, a private from St. Paul were awarded the Congressional Medal of honor, established in 1862, for bravery in action at Gettysburg (Kunz 40). O’Brien received the award for his cited gallantry in action on the last day of the Battle of Gettysburg (Kunz 40). Sherman won the award for capturing the flag of the 58th Virginia Infantry, which was also on the last day of the battle (Kunz 40). The flag of the 58th Virginia Infantry lies in the Minnesota Historical Society to this very day. For such a courageous effort to hold the line so that reinforcements could come along, First Minnesota receives little recognition on a national level. Little Round Top, a similar heroic effort, gets more attention than First Minnesota. Little Round Top, lead by Colonel Chamberlain, and First Minnesota, led by Colonel Colvill were extremely similar because they both had to hold their lines in order to prevent the Confederate army from winning the battle. But there were many key differences that set’s First Minnesota apart. The two heroic parts of the battle were fought on different terrain. Little Round Top was fought on the significantly high ground and behind trees and rocks for cover. Colonel Chamberlain, alongside nine regiments, was on top of a steep hill. The Confederates had a long climb to the top. Chamberlain had an advantage that eventually propelled him to victory, whereas, First Minnesota was at a disadvantage because they had to fight uphill in a ravine. They also had to fight out in the open, not behind any trees and rocks. Moreover, they were shot at from three different directions and still managed to stop the Confederate advance for those ten minutes. Thus, First Minnesota had to fight on more difficult terrain than the regiments on Little Round Top. Little Round Top had a better ratio of troops versus the Confederates than First Minnesota did. Colonel Chamberlain and the regiments of Little Round Top had 2,996 soldiers versus 4,864 Confederate soldiers. On the other hand, First Minnesota had only 262 men versus an approximate 1,100 men or more. In essence, the regiments of Little Round Top were outnumbered by 38 percent versus First Minnesota who outnumbered by over 4 to 1. First Minnesota suffered a greater percentage of casualties than the regiments of Little Round Top.  The regiments of Little Round Top suffered 565 casualties who were killed or wounded. This is a 19 percent loss. First Minnesota suffered a greater loss of 82 percent consisting of 215 casualties killed or wounded. Remarkably not a man from First Minnesota was missing. It was the most severe loss of a Union regiment during the American Civil War. First Minnesota’s battle position served a greater strategic importance. The regiments of Little Round Top needed to defend the left flank of the Union Army, the bottom of the famous Fish Hook. The Confederate army of General Longstreet wanted to go around the left flank of the Union army. Had they been successful, they would have been able to eventually advance behind Union lines for an eventual and probable victory. First Minnesota had to defend a broken line created by General Sickle. Had the Confederate Army broken through that line the battle would have been lost immediately. It is very similar to football. If you can run the ball up the middle versus around the end, you will score more touchdowns. Battlefield tactics follow a similar principle. General Hancock, who is credited for his keen strategic battle decisions at Gettysburg, recognized the exploits of both parts of the battle on July 2nd. But he stated the following about First Minnesota: I had no alternative but to order the regiment in. We had no force on hand to meet the sudden emergency. Troops had been ordered up and were coming on the run, but I saw that in someway five minutes must be gained or we were lost. It was fortunate that I found there so grand body of men as the First Minnesota. I knew they must lose heavily and it caused me pain to give the order for them to advance, but I would have done it if I had known every man would have been killed. It was a sacrifice that must be made. The superb gallantry of those men saved our line from being broken. No soldiers, on any field, in this or any other country, ever displayed grander heroism. (Folwell 13) The American Civil War still weighs on the hearts and minds of many Americans across the country;, especially in the South. It is agreed by most historians that the Battle of Gettysburg was the turning point of the war. It is now clear that First Minnesota played the most heroic and significant part of the battle and consequently the war. Those ten minutes were critical. They fought uphill. They were outnumbered. They defended a broken line and sustained high casualties.   One cannot dispute the accomplishments of Little Round Top, but First Minnesota’s achievement was clearly more difficult and significant. On July 2, 1897, a statue sculpted by Jacob Fjelde was dedicated and unveiled at Gettysburg in the exact spot where the charge began. Although the exact numbers may have been slightly embellished through the years due to inaccurate battle records, we still need to recognize this monumental feat by the brave men from Minnesota. May their heroic sacrifice never be forgotten. ​ Works Cited. Aby, Anne J. The North Star State. A Minnesota History Reader. St. Paul: 1997. Print. Army of Northern Virginia battle flag.  [between 1861 and 1863]. Minnesota Historical Society Museum Object   6421 Bailey, Ronald H. The Bloodiest Day: The Battle of Antietam. Alexandria, Virginia:             T           Time-Life Books, 1984. Print. Bjornson, Val. The History of Minnesota. Volume 1. West Palm Beach, Florida: Lewis Historical Publishing  Company Inc., 1969. Print. Catton, Bruce. The Picture History of the Civil War. New York: American    Heritage Publishing Co., 1983. Print. Elson, Henry W. The Photographic History of the Civil War: The  Decisive Battles. New    York: Crown Publishers, 1983. Print. Engle, Stephen D. Gallagher, Gary W.  Krick, Robert K. McPherson, James M. The    A American Civil War: The Mighty Scourge of War. New York: Osprey   Publishing, 2003. Print. Fitzharris, Joseph, Brackett’s Battalion: Minnesota Cavalry in the Civil War and Dakota W   War. The Journal of Military History Vol 68, Issue 4, October 2004 Folwell, William Watts. A History of Minnesota. Volume 2. St. Paul: The Minnesota Historical Society, 1961. Print. Hospes, Adolphus C. Roster of the First Minnesota Regiment, Volunteer Infantry, enlisted at Fort Snelling, April 29, 1861, for three years. Stillwater: Journal, 1910. Print. Kunz, Virginia Brainard. Muskets To Missiles A History of Minnesota History. St. Paul: Minnesota Statehood Centennial Commission, 1958. Print. LaFantasie, Glenn W. Twilight at Little Round Top.  New York: Vintage Books, 2005.  P        Print. McAfee, Michael J. The First Regiment Minnesota Volunteer Infantry, 1861-1864 : “Every Man In The Regiment Did His Whole Duty.” St. Paul: Minnesota Historical Society Press, 2008. Print. Holcombe, RI. History Of The First Minnesota Volunteer Infantry, 1861-1864. Hudson: St. Croix Valley Civil War Round Table, 2006. Print. Moe, Richard. The Last Full Measure: The Life Of The First Minnesota Volunteers. St. Paul: Minnesota Historical Society Press, 2001. Print. Leehan, Brian. Pale Horse at Plum Run. St. Paul: Minnesota Historical Society Press, 2002. Print. Rodenbough, Theo F.  The Photographic History of the Civil War: The Cavalry. New        York: Crown Publishers, 1983. Print. Sears, Stephen W. Gettysburg.  Boston: 2003, Mariner Books. Print. Stackpole, Edward J. They Met at Gettysburg.  Harrisburg, Pennsylvania: The          Telegraph Press, 1956. Print. Trudeau, Noah A.  Gettysburg: A Testing  of Courage.  New York: First Perennial, 2002. Print. Wright, James A. No More Gallant A Deed. St. Paul: Minnesota Historical Society Press, 2001. Print. Minnesota Historical Society Press. Minnesota in the Civil and Indian Wars. St. Paul: Minnesota Historical Society Press, 2005. Print. Monument dedicated to the First Minnesota Volunteer Infantry at the battlesight of Gettysburg.  I will be honest with you that I received a C+ on this paper. It is probably because I embellished and fictionalized my thesis, but isn’t that what you are supposed to do as a historian? History teachers are not historians and fail to completely realize that this is how history has been recorded throughout the history of mankind. Writing about history isn’t about stating all of the facts with bullet points. It is about creating your own oppinions, connecting the dots and standing strong about your statements. This was the last time I got anything lower than an A on a paper and I have been writing in spitefulness ever since in order to avenge my bad grade. Just kidding. Anyway, if I were to change one thing about this research paper it would be the thesis: “The First Minnesota Volunteer Infantry would make a kick-ass Christmas movie that should open on Christmas day.” Now that is an A+ thesis. This is a story that should be made into a film. If our city can’t produce championships, we should produce a film about our most winning team; The First Minnesota Volunteer Infantry. Yes, and I do have that much pride as a Minnesotan that I am confident that this would make a historically significant film. Happy Holiday’s and remember, Remember, “The Zos Knows”.  -David Zosel If you want to support my writing and for me to be able to create more content you can make a donation to either of these links: Venmo or Patreon I will give 10% of the proceeds to ONETREEPLANTED, a charity that plant trees to restore life to degraded lands all over the world. For every dollar donated there will be one tree planted.

As Minnesota Vikings fans all over across Vikingland sit nervously after the bye week in anticipation of the bout versus the Washington Redskins, I cannot fathom the fear in the back of my mind of the impending plane crash that may or may not happen this season with the Minnesota Vikings. At 6-2, we are in a position to win the big game this year. Oh, and baby, this is it. If you ever meet me and look at my forearms, you will see purple scars on them from every bit of bad luck that many Viking fans have witnessed in our franchise history. But things are about to change for the better.

Over the past twenty NFL seasons, there is only one explanation of the misery of the string of unfortunate events that lay victim to Minnesota Vikings fans; we are cursed. As we saw Dalvin Cook go down with a knee injury on October 1^st (2017) against the Detroit Lions, it further cements the idea of the next great sports curse. When our sensational rookie went down, it made many think that as Viking fans that we cannot have nice things. Since Teddy Bridgewater’s what was thought to be a career-ending injury, I have heavily researched why this franchise has had so much bad luck. Moreover, after long hours of theorizing and researching the four dimensions of franchise history, The Viking age, broadcast history, and Viking folklore, I have come up with many conspiracies of why our franchise is best friends with the bad luck monster. Despite all of the wild ideas, I have come up with partial and full proof solutions to the “The Curse of Thor’s Missing Mjollinar”.

My first theory that I came up with that causes our franchises agony was because of the Christianization of Scandinavia during the Viking Age. Why did such a powerful conglomerate group of scavenging seafarers suddenly disappear? The answer is because of the mass conversion of Christianity that came from the hands of Charlemagne’s Christian Empire, The Pope, and the Crusades. Without raiding, the Viking culture does not exist. The Minnesota Vikings play football, representing the Norse-rooted Christian state of Minnesota. It is quite the oxymoron because the Viking’s were the most powerful people in the world until their christening. We have had a football team that wears kryptonite rung around their necks, which is represented by Christianity since we live in a predominantly Christian state that cheers for a team whose demise was due to religious conversion.

Do any of the Ten Commandments comply with the Viking warrior culture and lifestyle? No, and that is why this group of people disappeared due to the conformity of religious conversion which involves the strict following of the Decalogue

Next, I speculated that the Viking warriors were not a united group of people. They never were a big-time empire or ruled any lands. They just raided and explored new lands that created groundbreaking discoveries in the known world. As most would know, the Minnesota Vikings have never won a Super Bowl (conquering) or have become a dynasty (winning multiple championships). But, we have had a long history of very individualistic players who have broken new ground in American Football. Mike Zimmer’s defense is a great example because every year he has revolutionized the way defense is played in the NFL, according to many players. Randy Moss is another perfect example of this because he changed the way wide receivers approach the game and the way defensive backs defend. I do not believe that from our fans, front office, and to our front lines, we have been a united nation of Vikings. Is the problem that there is not enough unity? Could it be that there is 75/20/10 split of Viking, Packer and Bears fans in the Land of 10,000 Lakes? There are not as many Viking fans in Wisconsin as there is in Minnesota. Should we kick out all Packers fans in Minnesota in order to unite as one nation of Vikings? Maybe we can all unite to break this curse. But, I do not think this extreme form of action will work because it is unrealistic.

“… a man from the land where the river ends will travel to the land where the river begins… will lead his people to victory wearing purple and a helmet with  horns…”

– Nostradamus

Next, I examined the stereotype or racial slur theory. Have you noticed teams such as the Cleveland Indians, Atlanta Braves, Washington Redskins are all teams that seem to disrespect and offend groups of people? Yes, that is called racism because their mascots represent the stereotyping of a group of people. But, teams like the Boston Celtics and Montreal Canadians are not considered racist or offensive because of their Caucasian complexion? Both categories are actually equally offensive because they represent and highlight unrealistic images of different people. Is naming the team the “Vikings” really a racist or offensive concept because they were a group of Caucasian-Scandinavian people.

There are two other teams in the NFL that have similar names to the Vikes. The Tampa Bay Buccaneers and Oakland Raiders, have very similar names that represent the same concept of people. But, yet they have Super Bowl rings and we do not. Here is why, because Oakland represents the concept of raiding. On the other hand, Tampa Bay represents a type of pirate that sailed the Carribean: A buccaneer. But, the etymology of this word stems from the Caribbean term “buccan”, which was a wood frame that hunters used to cook meat. Then this influenced the French word “boucane”, meaning to hunt. Therefore, the Raiders and Bucs represent the concepts of raiding and hunting. The origin of the term “Viking” comes from the word Vik and or Viken depending on what your belief is. These terms mean “small bay, creek, inlet” and “People of Viken” concluding the fact that the Vikings represent a stereotype of a group of people.

Could our mascot represent a false interpretation of people, which could be deemed as offensive or racist? After all, Vikings never wore horned helmets, but yet our football team does? In 2017, that could be deemed as offensive. More importantly, this may upset the Norse God’s. They may frown upon the fact that we have horns and our colors are purple and yellow. The Norse God’s may also possibly despise the fact that our mascot has a mustache looking like Hulk Hogan.

This is why the Geico ads are funny about Cavemen. The last time we all checked, there are no cavemen in this day and age that can protest those commercials, as there are no Vikings to do the same. So, is our football-team just a borderline-offensive representation of our state and the Norse God’s are punishing us for it?

No. That can’t be the complete reason for this curse on our franchise.

Other things that lead to the downfall of the Viking age could be due to the feudal system, which was the beginning of the creation of assimilating societies, and the peace and truce of God. This reflects our franchise history of major misfortune. Fans have come to peace with the fact that nothing can go our way. We expect it to happen and it just isn’t good karma. The ever-changing rules and regulations have always seemed to hurt us in very subtle ways. For example, when the NFL changed the PAT to a longer yardage, Blair Walsh started missing many field goals.

Those were just a few theories that I have kicked around in my head in the past year. But, after seeing my Viking warriors (players) drop like rain, such as Dalvin Cook, Sam Bradford, Teddy Bridgewater and even seeing Adrian Peterson repeatedly injured, I have noticed a pattern of hardship from Paul Allen ever since he has become our radio broadcaster since 2002. With his booming influential voice, he has the power to instill habitual optimism that he imparts amongst fans.

Do not get me wrong, I love Paul Allen and it may or may not be his fault for the tragedies of our franchise during his tenure.

But, here is why he mythically has cursed us.

Paul Allen is not a native Minnesotan, which means that he is a converted Vikings fan. His love grew first for the Vikings when he moved to Minnesota around the late 1990’s when he worked at Canterbury Park for horse racing. After the 1998 season, he began to bleed purple. In 2002, this elite football mind became the voice of the franchise. His nine-to-noon radio show on KFAN has been the cathedral-like platform for all Vikings fans, making us feel hope and that the football God’s are on our side to lead us to a victorious Super Bowl.

Paul’s powerful voice, football analysis, sense of hope, and imparting optimism is very dangerous because of the brainwashing that stems from it. Adrian Peterson was nothing without Paul Allen’s persistence of persuasion and the same goes towards Teddy Bridgewater. The statements that he makes on the radio, with his exciting enthusiasm as a play caller make me truly believe that we are going to win the Super Bowl every year.

Paul Allen is the Pope of Viking Nation because he is the voice. The Viking Age came to an end because of the Pope’s leadership and voice of influence. Paul Allen’s influence amongst us people may have slowly decimated our football team’s hopes of winning a championship every year since 2002. Seriously, have you ever met Paul Allen? He says “God bless you” every single time he is done talking to you. Does that sound like something that the Pope would say?

History shows that Popes and Vikings go together like water and oil. So, there has to be something fishy going on with the aura of our franchise. If you listen to his show sometimes, he even says things like “Can I get an Amen” and other things that resemble Sunday Church like the gospel funk soul music that is played. He is the Pope of Viking Nation and his radio show is our cathedral.

Let’s examine the historical facts prior to Paul Allen’s inaugural year in 2002.

In 1969, we won an NFL championship, but the trophy is lost or stolen. Ironically, the Vikes played the Cleveland Browns, another franchise plagued with bad luck. They also won the championship in Minneapolis, making it a strange omen for the 2017 season.

The Vikings went to four Super Bowls in ’69, ’73, ’74 and 1976. They also won 16 division championships and had 18 Pro Football Hall of Famer’s who played and coached for us between 1961 and 2001. During those years of Super Bowl runs, we had very few losses in a dominating era. We also played in seven NFC Championship games, eight in total, which is the fourth most in the NFC Conference, which is one more than our hated rival, the Green Bay Packers. With that, why do we still not have a Super Bowl?

Here is the rundown post-Paul “The Pope” Allen’s arrival.

Take note that this sample size of facts is much smaller than what had happened forty years prior to Paul Allen’s arrival in 2002. During his second year of being a broadcaster, all the Vikings had to do was beat a mediocre Arizona Cardinals team, who had five wins. Yes, the Vikings lost that game during the final play of the year and everyone remembers Paul Allen’s illustrious battle cry, screaming “NOOOO!” That sound bite may have defined our franchise’s history of bad luck, putting a lid on all of our hopes of ever winning a Super Bowl because the Norse God’s agreed with Paul Allen’s moment of honest emotional content.

Most notably, the Vikings have made it to only one NFC championship game in which we lost to the Saints. Do you see the connection? The New Orleans Saints are a franchise with a mascot that represents Roman-Catholicism in a French Cajun Culture. The Vikings were defeated by the conversion of Christianity and the 2009 Vikings, lead by Brett Favre; a man from the land where the river ends who traveled to the land where the river begins, in which he was prophesized to lead the Vikings to victory wearing purple and a helmet with horns, only to fall short to the Saints, a people who represented the exceptional holiness of Christianity.

Now let’s go down the idiosyncrasies that people overlook when it comes to our bad luck.

1. In 2003, we started the year 6-0 only to be the second team in history to miss the playoffs, thanks to Arizona’s last-second fourth and 28^th touchdown.
2. Randy Moss’ infamous touchdown dance against Green Bay, making the Vikings look like a distasteful and un-classy organization.
3. Randy Moss walks off the field against the Washington Redskins during a crucial moment in the 2005 season.
4. Randy Moss wanted to leave the Vikings after seven seasons to win a Super Bowl elsewhere.

Yeah I know, “Moss this, Moss that, Moss this, Moss that.”

5. Daunte Culpepper goes down with a season-ending knee injury the year after Moss leaves, giving us no hope of any offensive threats to aid us in a Super Bowl.
6. The infamous Vikings party boat scandal on the prestigious Lake Minnetonka, forever shaming that sacred water with drugs, excess and prostitution.
7. The 16 quarterbacks who have started games for the Vikings since the inception of his broadcasting career.
8. We were the last stop on Brett Favre’s five-year retirement tour. This lead to the concept of continuing to sign older veteran quarterbacks. Remember Donovan McNabb?
9. Multiple fumbles from Adrian Peterson that happened during crucial moments in his nine-year tenure as a Viking.
10. Unfortunate and untimely injuries from many players such as Adrian Peterson, Christian Ponder, Brett Favre, Teddy Bridgewater and recently Dalvin Cook.

Those are only just ten terrible things that have happened since 2002! For cripes sake, I didn’t even mention Blair Walsh’s 27-yard missed field-goal in the playoffs in 2015 or the 5-0 start that we had to fall to 8-8 in the 2016 season yet.

Paul “The Pope” Allen’s sample size of bad luck, injuries, fumbles and off-field scandals is much smaller than 40 years prior, but there has just been a more condensed series of unfortunate events that have happened to our franchise since his arrival in 2002. Is Paul Allen to blame for all of this? No, he could just so happen to be the right broadcaster at the wrong time. Before he was here we made it to four Super Bowls and none since his arrival. But as of late, Paul Allen has made us all believe that with our defense that this is the year that the Vikings can do it. With Super Bowl LII in Minneapolis, it is time to take what is finally ours.

The last time the Vikings won a championship it was in Minnesota in 1969. The Ed Thorp Memorial Trophy was awarded to the Vikings and it was the last year that the NFL championship was played. If you look in any NFC stadium, you cannot find the Ed Thorp Memorial Trophy because like the Stanley Cup, it stays with the winning team for that year. The Vikings were the last team to win this trophy, technically making us the reigning NFL champions since 1969. No one knows where The Ed Thorp Memorial Trophy’s whereabouts are. The trophy is lost and so is our credibility as champions.

Just like Dalvin Cook, Teddy Bridgewater, and a Super Bowl Trophy, the missing Ed Thorp Trophy proves that the Vikings cannot have nice things. The one championship that the Vikings have won doesn’t even exist in our trophy case. This is unbeknownst to the Ed Thorp Memorial Curse making it one of the most oblivious curses in North American Sports. But does a missing trophy really validate a curse? With all of the theories that I have come up with, the dots connect and make sense.

This is why I am rebranding this curse because it needs further explanation, laying out the dots that connect to make further sense. The missing Ed Thorp Trophy represents Thor’s stolen hammer. Don’t you see it? Ed “Thor-p”. Thor’s bloody name is inside Ed Thorp’s name! In Viking folklore, “Thor’s Stolen Hammer” is one of the most popular tales. In its pagan mythology, there is an eternal conflict between the Vikings and the Giants. Thor among the gods was deemed as the defender of both the divine and human realms, making him the Giant destroyer. His mjollinar was stolen by one of the Giants and they refused to return it unless the goddess Freyja married the Giant. Thor then dresses up as the beautiful bride to be and rides into Giantland in disguise. When the Mjollinar is presented to the disguised bride, Thor unmasks himself, seizing the hammer and destroys the Giant with a single blow.

Do you think that in the 2000 NFC Championship game was a coincidence that we lost 41-0 against the New York Giants? The Minnesota Vikings do not have Thor’s hammer, which is the Ed Thorp Trophy. We need to get our hammer back because, without Mjollinar (Ed Thorp Trophy), Thor and the Vikings are nothing. This is possibly the reason why we have not been able to win a title because we do not have the Ed Thorp Memorial Trophy because it was lost or stolen, just like Thor’s hammer. But Thor won it back so, what can we do to break the “Curse of Thor’s Hammer”? Well, there are two major ways that Vikings fans can go about this.

I have a few minor ideas, such as incorporating Thor’s hammer as an alternate logo. Maybe getting a Thor mascot might do the trick. Or, maybe a memorial of Norse God’s outside of US Bank Stadium will pay homage to our Viking roots. Imagine seeing Thor, Oden, and Loki as bronze statues, wearing Tarkenton, Allen, and Moss jerseys. Despite our predominately Christian culture, this could possibly pay tribute enough to the Norse God’s that the Vikings once worshiped during their age of dominance and raiding, in order to free us from the curse and to win a Super Bowl.

Optimistically speaking, our Skol chant may be a slight solution as well because, within our new stadium, we have been consistently winning games at home. This chant may be a great homage to the Norse God’s who may have started to bring luck to our side (The Packers are 0-2 at US Bank Stadium).

Even as a subtle tribute, it would be a beautiful sight to see a bronze hammer stuck in the ground for fans to take pictures in the attempt to lift it out of the ground. This could be a rebranded replica of the Ed Thorp Memorial Trophy saying that the Vikings are the reigning NFL champions since 1969 and that we must defend it. It should also have inscriptions of the other teams that have won it as well.

Another partial solution in which Paul “The Pope” Allen can play a major role in reversing the curse along with KFAN by announcing to the fans that we need to find the lost Ed Thorp Trophy. This may reverse the curse and all of the bad luck that our beloved broadcaster has endured for us with his habitual optimism and his infamous battle cry of “No”, which has stuck in the minds of fans since 2003.

But, the only way to break a curse is to beat it. You can do all of the fun shamanistic offerings to the Norse and Football Gods, find a lost/stolen hammer (Trophy), make historical and folklore connections to our franchise, but this is the year that we need to capitalize on winning a championship. Why? The last time we won was when our team played in Minnesota for the championship being victorious over the Cleveland Browns. Granted we hosted the Super Bowl in the Metrodome, but that stadium was shared with two other sports teams and was a funky multi-sports complex. US Bank Stadium is ours and we need to defend our land with home-field advantage in the playoffs. Rest assure that our dominating defensive core is in its prime, along with an offense that has potential to make a big dent in the league. In order to break the “Curse of Thor’s Stolen Mjollnir”, we need to hammer home a Super Bowl when the game is played on our home turf.

Do you want my prediction? Well, this is the year that we hammer it home. When we are victorious, remember who told you first:

The Zos did.

Remember, “The Zos Knows”. 

-David Zosel

If you want to support my writing and for me to be able to create more content you can make a donation to either of these links:

Venmo or Patreon

I will give 10% of the proceeds to ONETREEPLANTED, a charity that plant trees to restore life to degraded lands all over the world. For every dollar donated there will be one tree planted. 

 

 

 

 

In the midsts of recovering from a lost dream of being a filmmaker, what remains is the passion of writing that I have slowly developed since I was 10 years old; the last time I had writer’s block.

It was during the D.A.R.E. program where my fifth-grade class had to write an essay about how we could change the world’s drug problem or something another. My head spun with millions (plural) of ideas that I couldn’t put to a one-page paper. There was too much for me to say, too many possibilities of how I could change the world and this caused me to have my first panic attack as a ten-year-old.

Being so hard on myself, my teacher knew what to do by teaching me the importance of an opening statement that would connect to a thesis and conclusion. Then she made it simple for me by writing the first sentence of that one-page paper with:

” I truly believe that _______ is the _______ that will solve the ______ .”

What I learned here is the importance of not getting in your head, whatever came to mind I just had to put it on the paper because I can always fix it later.

Writer’s block has never been an issue ever since I was 10-years-old which has enabled me to become a very productive scribe. It doesn’t mean that I am any good at it but it is something that I need to do in order to keep going every day.

My words keep me sane, centered and bring’s my equilibrium. I write not to be famous or to make money, but for survival. If I do not put down 1000 words or read 1000 words a day, I cannot sleep because my mind won’t slow down with all of the ideas that I have. I write all over my dry erase painted walls, laptop, notebooks, and in my phone. There is an entire universal world inside of my head that is imperative for me to share with others. Putting my pen to paper challenges my creativity and my thirst for knowledge. Writing is the reason why I am a perpetual lifelong learner of fiction, history, sciences, artistic mediums, and interactions with other people because of the fact that I write to survive.

It cures many things such as my insomnia, hypomania, dysthymia, and delusion towards reality. If I do not do it, I’d be out of touch and disengaged from everyone and everything.

There are just too many things that I need to say. Too many things need to be learned, explored, and discovered for one’s self and there is so little time. That is why I need to write it all. I do not care if I make a dime by writing because that is not the point.

I want to be prolific and a produce a wide variety of works through all literary mediums. It’s not about fame or money or providing opportunities for myself.

I know the vitality and importance of developing my craft.

When I leave this earth hopefully, by going to Mars, I want people to know my professionalism as one of the most productive ever.

Right now in my twenties, I have had to scramble around to find time to write every day. As of now, I am writing to build a team with an editor, photographer, and a marketing team. Maybe if I am lucky, I can find an agent that will believe in me. But, the only one that believes in me is myself and that is all that I care about. I would give anything to devote eight hours a day to my craft rather than what I am doing now with bits and chunks.

This passion of mine is going to slowly help me reach and achieve all of my ambitions. If I didn’t have this outlet, my mind and soul would be lost in a haze of sapphire.

Remember, “The Zos Knows”. 

-David Zosel

If you want to support my writing and for me to be able to create more content you can make a donation to either of these links:

Venmo or Patreon

I will give 10% of the proceeds to ONETREEPLANTED, a charity that plant trees to restore life to degraded lands all over the world. For every dollar donated there will be one tree planted. 

Living on the fringe is a beautiful thing that we as humans are fascinated by when living vicariously through other mediums. But, when facing the fringe in reality, suddenly the transformation transpires into a lunatic fringe. A man was once exiled from his hometown in Dallas to come to Minneapolis for alcohol recovery treatment due to Minnesota’s powerful programs that have great recovery rates.

This is a story that I will be telling about a man who fell off the face of the earth. His alias will be, “Shepard”, a man whose name and identity can only be traced down to his social security number. Shepard’s story needs to be told to the world because not many have encountered a drifter of such in their lifetime. But, I have and I hope no one has to have such a friendship that I have experienced because no one should ever see someone live the way that Shepard does.

Alcoholism is a real thing. There are varying degrees of it and many do not come to accept it until it is too late. Others never accept it at all.

When I met Shepard, we became friends because we were both lost in translation. Knowing very little about each other, we trusted each other and enjoyed very many intellectual conversations that would last till four in the morning.

He was an eccentric genius and I was a fool. A jester who never realized the fact that he was a severe alcoholic until many months later.

For almost two years, I tried to help him but it was a lost cause. It was sickening to see someone slowly die in front of my eyes.

When we met, he was in the midst of a relapse.

This is a story of potential redemption. I want to share it with you in small increments because his liberation is finally beginning as you read these words. If you are reading this years later then I hope this story ends well.

Prior to his departure, I eliminated his friendship from my life because as much as I loved him, there was no more room for him in my life because he slowly began to drag others down with him. Now, I pray sometimes that we can cross paths again because now his gone.

Many can relate to what I am about to convey across with my words because it is a story of promises, help, heartbreak, frustration and an ultimate friendship that will never be forgotten.

His story is his history of how he has survived like no one else has ever done so and we can all learn something about survival in today’s cruel world.

Changing lanes, Shepard hit a point where he stopped paying his taxes, became a squatter, shoplifted from grocery stores, and cut every corner of taking care of one’s self because his life revolved around drinking twenty Natural Light’s a day. Supposively he was an email monkey for Morgan Stanley and he made cash by walking through the alleys of Minneapolis where he found random odds and ends and sold them for dirt cheap on craigslist for extra cash.

These are just a few examples of his minimalism ways to survive.

He has no form of identification that is valid, but yet he has a college degree and a Roy Lichtenstein painting that he left for me before he got the hell out of Dodge. This is his most prized possession that he paid over five thousand dollars for and it is in my possession with the promise that he will return one day from his sojourn; a vision quest.

Right now, Shepard is in one of the most dangerous cities in the US searching for his identity once again, trying to get back in the system of society one step at a time, slowly eliminating his alcoholism with baby steps. This is only because now he has no choice.

He is in a do or die situation and I hope he becomes a doer.

Shepard can get better because he is not dead yet. We all need to remember this because no matter how bad our problems are, there is someone who has it worse than you. Most importantly never trade your problems with another.

Why would I have ever become friends or care about someone like this? Well, he saved my life at one point. Shepard saved me from my mind and soul and the only way I could repay him was with my friendship.

The night before I met him, I prayed to God that someone would help me with my maniacal mayhem that was spiraling at ten trillion miles an hour in my head. The next day, this strange man found me holding a DSLR camera. Without hesitation, this stranger and I were on a mission sent from God.

But in return, I tried saving his life for quite some time, but I failed him.

Our stories will go on, and so does his. I must tell his story to bring perspective to the notion of recovery, survival, and appreciation.

Shepard is out there in Los Angeles right now, probably standing in a 7/11 microwaving half of a McDonald’s hamburger, realizing how good his life was when he used to shoplift steaks from Cub Foods so that he could eat one good meal a day in his cramped studio apartment in Uptown, Minneapolis.

I am inviting you to follow my telling of this story that will be told in small parts, and I would love to hear your thoughts and comments about the past, present, and future events that are unfolding with my fringed friend Shepard.

Remember, “The Zos Knows”. 

-David Zosel

If you want to support my writing and for me to be able to create more content you can make a donation to either of these links:

Venmo or Patreon

I will give 10% of the proceeds to ONETREEPLANTED, a charity that plant trees to restore life to degraded lands all over the world. For every dollar donated there will be one tree planted. 

Who would you give your one good knee to so he could play quarterback, Bradford or Bridgewater? In case you do not want the Vikings to do so, let’s give the ball to our newest field general, Case Keenum.

There is a quarterback carousel that is steering our Viking longship, giving us the potential of conquering the Super Bowl in our homeland of Minnesota. Heading into the bye week, the Vikings stand 6-2 on top of the NFC North and second in the NFC, all accomplished by not a backup quarterback but our third-string quarterback. So, who is the Vikings quarterback right now?

Well, just in case if you were wondering, the Vikings picked him up through free agency this year and we didn’t even guarantee him a spot on the team. Yes, he had to make the team himself, beating out Taylor Heinicke for the last quarterback spot on the squad.

Now, standing at six foot nothing, two hundred nothing, Case Keenum is commanding both our aerial and ground attacks for our mighty Viking warriors as our field general, leading the Vikings to a victorious 6-2 start.

So who is Case Keenum and where did he come from?

With the hype of Teddy Bridgewater coming back and the inconceivable facts of Sam Bradford’s health, do we really need to put this guy on the bench to play someone already marked as “starting quarterback” for our team? That is the question that is pointing amongst the Viking nation right now, but what people fail to realize is who Case Keenum is and what kind of potential and prophecies that he has to offer and fulfill.

At the University of Houston, an NCAA DI school, he became college football’s all-time leader in touchdown passes, completions, and passing yards. Keenum still holds those records to this very day and yet he still went undrafted, signing a contract with the Texans to begin his NFL journey as a “career backup”.

People label him as such, but he isn’t playing like one of those “career backups”. At the halfway marker of the season, the mysterious Viking quarterback is up there with Matthew Stafford and Phillip Rivers, ranked 12th in the NFL in completion percentage. His passer rating ranks 20th in the league. Also, according to the Total QBR metric system provided by ESPN, he is the sixth-best passer in the league this year, making him a slight bit better than Aaron Rodgers and Russell Wilson, who are Super Bowl Champions and future Hall of Famers. Let’s not fail to mention that he has been better than Matt Ryan this year, who has an offense designed around him with big weapons of mass destruction like Julio Jones, and yet we still want to replace the most consistent quarterback that the Vikings franchise has had in the past eight years.

Keenum is in the company of Tom Brady and Deshaun Watson as the only quarterbacks in the NFL who are in the top six categories of QB rating, DYAR, and DVOA. That is some great company to be in.

The last time that a Viking quarterback was putting up and leading in this many statistical categories was Brett Favre in 2009.

Teddy Bridgewater hasn’t even had a season like this in his short career. Neither has Sam Bradford.

This just makes no sense that there is even a debate on who our quarterback should be.

The best possible thing to do is for Mike Zimmer to come out and tell the media that Case Keenum is the starting quarterback. This will take a lot of pressure off of him and will let the team know who their true leader is.

No classroom wants to have a substitute teacher all year long knowing that their actual teacher is very ill and could come back with questionable health. Neither do NFL football teams because of the hype that can happen, which can potentially lead to a downward spiral.

We do not know how good or bad Teddy Bridgewater will be if we give him the nod. Does any franchise want a one-legged quarterback playing? The Vikings seem to have two of them with Bradford’s knee injury as well. But, Case Keenum has both legs and the last time we checked, two legs are better than one.

He could be the reincarnation of Fran Tarkenton, an undrafted free agent who signed with the Vikings, becoming a future Hall of Famer. Case Keenum has the potential to also be another Tony Romo, unsigned, undrafted but yet unbroken.

Historically speaking, there have been plenty of backup quarterbacks to have won the Super Bowl. A few names to mention are Curt Warner, who was undrafted and cut by the Packers. He even played in the Arena Football league and the NFL’s European league. On top of that, he worked in a grocery store as a stock boy before leading “The Greatest Show on Turf” to a 13-3 season and a Super Bowl. Now, let’s touch on Roger “The Dodger” Staubach, a back up for five years before he finally got to start. He was named the starter for the 1971 season before Tom Landry decided to rotate him and Craig Morton, and then ultimately went with “The Dodger” to go undefeated for the rest of that season, and winning the Super Bowl that year.

Are these similarities starting to spook you a little bit?

This rundown of backup quarterbacks includes Jeff Hostetler, Jim Plunket, and Doug Williams. But, we can’t ever forget about the time when Tom Brady replaced Drew Bledsoe and never looked back after that.

Keenum has every similarity of that type of quarterbacking company. Case closed.

He has played every game as if he has something to prove with beaming pride knowing that he has more to offer than most think.

But, the horror.

Having two highly paid quarterbacks that are technically in front of him really puts this quarterback case in the hot seat. We know that when Keenum makes a big mistake this year, we will see Bridgewater play or maybe even Bradford. Despite Keenum going above and beyond our expectations, Teddy’s recovery has seemed to be that way as well. The flipside of this coin is that the NFL wants Teddy Bridgewater to comeback, Vikings fans want him back, and the Vikings organization want him to come back as well.

Teddy is a fan favorite because he has become one of the most beloved players in Viking history in part due to his story. Vikings fans really built him up after he almost lost his leg to a freak accident, speculating that he had major potential to be our answer to a championship. His story is now over-romanticized amongst Minnesotans, but the realistic point of view is that he hasn’t played a snap of NFL football for over 450 days.

All Keenum needs to do is to not throw interceptions, fumble and go three and out moving forward. It is simple, keep the other team’s offense off the field, manage the clock, don’t get penalized, and convert on third downs. If our defense is fresh in all our contests, we will consistently keep every team to under 20 points. All Keenum needs to do is put us in position to obtain 21 points a game. A win in the NFL is a win, it doesn’t matter how you do it because every “W” adds to the standings. Yet he has managed to continue to get points on the board and as he gets more comfortable he will be producing more touchdowns. The best part is that the Vikings have a good receiving core that have nice sticky hands that can catch passes. He does not need to throw the ball perfectly because he knows that the receivers can go up and get it.

Vikings fans fail to realize that.

Keenum can extend the play with both of his feet and throw the ball down the field, something that Bridgewater and Bradford are not really known for. You can argue for Teddy but he is more notorious for throwing the ball away and not being able to look further than ten to fifteen yards down the field because he panics.

Do the Vikings really want a one-legged quarterback named “Panic Teddy” to come back after a 450-day hiatus? If they do then they really are a cursed franchise.

Just because Keenum has been deemed as a “career backup” does not mean that is something that defines him. He has the potential of becoming a solid starter in the NFL like many “career backups” have.

William Shakespeare once wrote the words of Malvolio who spouted the line: “Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon us.”

But, remember he is not our backup, Case Keenum is our third string field general. Could he be the first ever third-string quarterback to lead a team to the promise land? Optimistically speaking, he could be the Viking warrior to lead his nation to Valhalla for the first time in history.

The Vikings need to believe in his cause and case.

Keenum is not the quarterback that the Vikings need or want, but he is the one that they deserve. That is who Case Keenum is.

Case closed.

Remember, “The Zos Knows”. 

-David Zosel

If you want to support my writing and for me to be able to create more content you can make a donation to either of these links:

Venmo or Patreon

I will give 10% of the proceeds to ONETREEPLANTED, a charity that plant trees to restore life to degraded lands all over the world. For every dollar donated there will be one tree planted. 

Major League Baseball is filled with riddling curses that seem to plague the success and luck for several franchises throughout its history. Some are emphasized and others are barely acknowledged. If the chips fall crisply towards the way of the Houston Astros tonight in game seven versus the LA Dodgers, then the state of Texas will have its first ever World Series title in the history of its statehood.

Why is this important you may ask? Texas has been riddled with bad luck in terms of success towards baseball. Despite all the great teams, hall of famers, all-stars, Cy Young winners, league MVP’s and so on. The two teams (Houston Astros and Texas Rangers) have been cursed because of the drastic actions through the notorious practice of the execution of its prisoners and convicts.

Despite that, both franchises have played in four World Series since 2005. From the year 2000, the turn of the century, there have been 345 inmates executed on death row in the Lone Star State. This may be one of the up and coming curses in Major League Baseball today that is not really taken into consideration, but “The Curse of Death Row” may play a factor in tonight’s ball game.

In my lifetime I have seen the Red Sox, Cubs, and Braves overcome their adversities of their franchise histories. Cleveland could come next, but could the Astros nip this slow spiraling curse in the butt before it gets out of hand?

Tonight is the night that the city of Houston holds its breath. After the city was distraught by the travesty of the hurricane that struck, Houston needs something to cheer for. They need a morale boost that can keep them going. On the flip side to this coin, “The Curse of Death Row” could be standing in the Astros way tonight against the LA Dodgers.

What happens tonight could determine the fate of Texas baseball for the next one hundred years for what could be misery, or history will be made tonight.

With beaming optimism, tonight is the night that this curse will be broken. Tonight is the night that the garrison of fans will storm the streets of Houston, painting the streets orange and blue. Because tonight is Houstons night, where the millennials run through the streets raging with joy over the pride of its city that they call home.

But, one thing could stop this from happening which is the ensuing Curse of Death Row.

Do it for your city and state.

Go Astros!

Remember, “The Zos Knows”. 

-David Zosel

If you want to support my writing and for me to be able to create more content you can make a donation to either of these links:

Venmo or Patreon

I will give 10% of the proceeds to ONETREEPLANTED, a charity that plant trees to restore life to degraded lands all over the world. For every dollar donated there will be one tree planted. 

 

Who said that baseball is a boring sport? Well, the answer to that will probably come from millennials. What people fail to realize is that baseball is not a sport, it is a game; a beautiful one at that. Game five of the 2017 World Series started at seven o’clock at night and has crept into the early hours of the next morning. As of right now, I am writing this article in the ninth inning as the game is tied 12-12. During this time there was an NFL game that ended at 10:30, which also started at 7:30. Moreover, Major League Baseball games take forever and it is a fading in popularity amongst my generation. It breaks my heart.

Of the four major North American sports, baseball is the most sacred, having the fewest changes and developments to the rules since its inception. Arriving at the ballpark is like going to a romanticized picnic opera, so here are a few tweaks that we can fantasize about to change the game in order to get people more interested in the cosmic beautiful wonders of baseball.

First things first, there are too many foul balls that occur. A foul ball extends every at-bat, further increasing the length of the game. How cool would it be if the MLB would make the foul lines wider? There would be more base hits and excitement in the game and there would be a lot more scoring as well.

With wider foul lines, let’s make foul balls on two strikes a third strike so it makes it easier to obtain three outs. This will also speed up the game, adding a different type of intensity.

Changing lanes, everybody loves an infield base hit and a stolen base! What if the MLB also shortened the basepaths by five to ten feet. Imagine the base stealing threats and the increase in infield hits. This rule change would increase the number of five-tool players in every lineup. You know, the exciting spark plug players and this would eliminate players like the slow power hitting first and third basemen or the defensive catcher. Every position player would turn into five-tool players who hit for average and steal bases. Bunting would be even more important in the game, especially if the foul lines are wider because it would be easier to get bunts down to be in play. The downside to this would be a lack of home run production. Americans do love the longball. But with this the game would change, turning it into a back and forth ping pong match because of the constant baserunners making an impact.

Moving on, football has its play clock and baseball needs one as well. This rule change actually needs to happen because if a 10 to 15-second play clock was implemented then the pace of the game would go by efficiently. If a pitcher cannot start his windup by the time the clock hits zero then the batter will be rewarded with a ball added to his count. This is the only rule that really needs to be implemented the most.

Last, managers should be rewarded only three pitching changes a game. Major league baseball is notorious for having several pitching changes during a game, bringing in specialists, setup men and closers. This takes a lot of time that is unnecessary.

Also, the managers can only take one timeout per game instead of unlimited timeouts. Football, hockey, and basketball all have a certain set of timeouts. So, why shouldn’t baseball?

In the middle of the fifth inning, both managers of opposing teams should also have a 30-second wrestling match. The victor will obtain one run for their team. Just kidding. I wanted to just keep your attention. In all seriousness, there should be no extra innings. Instead, we should have a home run derby between each team’s selected slugger. Picture two gladiators facing head to head getting ten pitches to hit as many home runs to win the game in a do or die deciding derby.

Last, if there are more runners, scoring, stolen bases, a faster pitching pace and fewer disruptions by managers, then the game’s complexion will change drastically. These changes could graciously appeal to new audiences who use to find baseball too slow or boring because the intensity level will increase and the drama would ensue.

As of now, it is 12:39 and I started writing this article in the bottom of the ninth inning. This World Series game was over five hours long ending just now as the Astros just won in the bottom of the tenth. In just a 35 minute span between that time and now, I cranked out an 800-word article that would hypothetically change the substance of the game forever, prolonging the interest of America’s Past Time. In conclusion, baseball needs to make major changes in order to appeal to the new generation in order to keep the American tradition growing proud and strong. Whether you agree with my fantasy of changing the game this way or not, something needs to change otherwise baseball will be a sport of yesteryear.

Remember, “The Zos Knows”. 

-David Zosel

If you want to support my writing and for me to be able to create more content you can make a donation to either of these links:

Venmo or Patreon

I will give 10% of the proceeds to ONETREEPLANTED, a charity that plant trees to restore life to degraded lands all over the world. For every dollar donated there will be one tree planted. 

There used to be a romanticism of a simple phone call, snail mailing a handwritten letter to your Grandfather or face to face interactions with people that you had never met before. In the ever-changing world of technological upgrades, there is no escape from the slight damages due to the bombardment of emails, text messages, and phone calls. There is no escape to absolute solitude, where one can find peace and quiet from the everyday anxiety.

Here is a challenge, take some deep thought to contemplate three ways that advancements in technology can be detrimental to relationships, the workplace, and overall mental health.

Here are just a few:

The first one is your personal life. This goes for all because it is only human nature to keep in touch with the network of the community of people around you. Waiting for messages and phone calls from a friend, loved one, family member and the pizza guy can create stirred emotions. That cannot be good for your mental health.

The next is your personal career. How many phone calls do you get from an employee or co-worker? Does your employer email you when you are away from work with a huge situation on the fold for you?
Imagine getting those good reps in at the gym and then suddenly your boss calls and hounds you with unnecessary things at that time. Yeah, not so nice.

Look back on the 90’s when the working class never had to bring work home with them like that. That type of peace and quiet is a rare serenity that we search subconsciously search for.

You can only imagine the slight attacks of anxiety when the phone rings. Some people keep their phones on silent mode to avoid such agitation.

Moving forward, do you just hate getting contacted from things besides your social life? I think there needs to be further discussion about the nuisance.

Technology makes it much easier to ignore anyone and anything which can ruin relationships, opportunities, and ruins overall human face to face interaction. This makes it very hard to deal with confrontation or honest emotions that stem from living truthfully through the moment when you are in a face to face moment in real time.

Moreover, there are ways that it has improved our lives, this is why we have advanced in technology in order to better our well being. Again after serious thought, we can come up with conclusions of just how.

Here are just three.

We are the only species to be able to perpetually increase the life expectancy. Technology doesn’t only connect us, but it also advances and prolongs life. The constant curiosity in medicine has prolonged human health with the assistance of technology. Humans are just naturally problem solvers.

Most importantly, look at IBM’s, Watson and other forms of artificial intelligence. AI is moving at an exponential rate where it may find forms of a cure for cancer. It has the possibility to perform surgery and replace thousands of jobs due to a zero percent chance of error.

Applications make it possible to never leave the house. Your phone makes it possible to get whatever you want from the bedside. Need a ride, pizza, and a Halloween costume? Yeah, you can find an app for that which will conveniently delivery it to your door. Now, you can still have a very productive sick day.

Think of how different life would be without feasting on Netflix. You can binge watch just about anything with just a click of a button. Streaming platforms may make television obsolete because of the ease of watching any show at any time. This goes along with music, videos, podcasts, and audiobooks.

We now have a magic wand in our pockets. Could you conceptualize Merlin doing any of this for King Arthur?

You can think of why technology is so amazing because it really is. Naturally adaptively evolving with technology through its perpetual innovation, humanity’s DNA is wired to solve problems.

Remember that now.

When mankind ignited its first fire, we created a tool. Whether it was a spear or hammer, paper, the telephone, and the internet we continue to grow.

Without technology, we won’t evolve.

Despite its slight impairments, this is the Tao of evolution for the human race and we need it in order to transform.

It is quite alluring. 

Remember, “The Zos Knows”. 

-David Zosel

If you want to support my writing and for me to be able to create more content you can make a donation to either of these links:

Venmo or Patreon

I will give 10% of the proceeds to ONETREEPLANTED, a charity that plant trees to restore life to degraded lands all over the world. For every dollar donated there will be one tree planted. 

A wise man once said, “Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.” That man who said this was the one and only, Mark Twain. The legendary American Novelist is the epitome of that quote, but sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same. Knowing that the easy way out is just a vice, making it easy for one to fall into temptation in order to get away with mischief is only a benefit for the self rather than the whole.

You never know who will be affected by your actions when you decide to take the easy way out by taking the path of mediocrity; the road of greed and gluttony. Who knows who could be watching you. It could be God, a security camera, or a stranger in passing because there are eyes, cell phones and whispers that surround us that can travel many miles in a bat of an eyelash.

Earlier this week, there was a young man who walked out of the eatery known as Chipotle. As he strolled through that parking lot, he stumbled upon a brand new pair of Beats wireless headphones. As he slowly picked them up, he contemplated for a split second. Then he tentatively looked around taking one step toward the restaurant. Then it dawned on him to look into the cars next to them. He found two girls in the car where he found the Beats and politely knocked on the door asking if this was theirs. Then they came out of the car with a camera and microphone in each hand congratulating him that he did the right thing.

You should have seen the gratuitous astonishment on the girl’s faces that this person took the time to find the owner.

You see, someone is always watching.

Never have I ever thought in a million years that I would have found myself being in one of those situational YouTube videos where the content creators plant a device for a person to stumble into in order to make a decision based on morality.

That man being myself, it was only my instinct to do the what was honorable.

My Father taught me not to lie, steal, and cheat in life. I learned these valuable lessons when I was younger, developing me into an honorable man.

Once I found an iPod Photo when I was in sixth grade on an airplane and I was pumped, as a little 12-year-old should be. Immediately, my Father told me to go up to the flight attendant so that I could swallow my pride, and show humility by giving it back to her.

I never knew if that person got his or her iPod back, but I learned the value of honor.

Do the right thing because it is important. It may be hard because it is never easy. Honorability must be done to add positivity and gratuity to the world. Adding this notion to your life will astonish people and inspire people to do the same. Doing the right thing gives the world the poetic justice that we lack because it is easier to take those headphones than it is to find the rightful owner.

Sometimes the right thing is never the popular choice, but it should be your obligation and duty to do so as a human being.

As the human race, none of us are perfect. We make mistakes, but we always want to do right, and that can be hard for most.

But, it is never too late to do good in this world.

Remember, “The Zos Knows”. 

-David Zosel

Are you having trouble in terms of doing the right thing for your partner? Maybe the right thing for you is to look into online couples counseling. For more information click on this link right here. 

If you want to support my writing and for me to be able to create more content you can make a donation to either of these links:

Venmo or Patreon

I will give 10% of the proceeds to ONETREEPLANTED, a charity that plant trees to restore life to degraded lands all over the world. For every dollar donated there will be one tree planted. 

There are many personality tests out there but the problem is that none of them are fun to talk about and contemplate. The Meyers Briggs personality test provides very general data whereas horoscopes are very subjective and abstract. Many are either categorical or are subjective. But, this one is absolutely filled with discovery, accuracy, and loads of fun.

Remember, I do not take credit that I made this up on my own. This is just really fun and I wanted to share it with you.

Answer this question:

If you could be any animal in the world, what would you be in the order of one, two, or three; and why?

Oh, your first animal is a hawk, you say? Well, the first animal that people choose is how they want to be viewed.

A hawk is a badass counterpart of an eagle. It is free and independent, following its own rules of life by flying solo and they are constantly hunting. Flying over the landscape, the hawk oversees all operations in life and strikes when the opportunity arises.

Since you chose a hawk that means that you want people to perceive you as an independent, ambitious badass that is always on the hunt for the next best thing.

Did you say that your second animal is the dolphin? The second animal of choice generally shows what you aspire to be and how you understand yourself to be like. 

The dolphin is one of the smartest in the anima kingdom. They can communicate through sonic waves that can span from many nautical miles away in order to keep in touch with one another. Dolphins are also very playful and social as well. At the same time they can be very independent. They can work well with others and are able to be self-sufficient.

The dolphin shows that you aspire to be intelligent, social and can work well with others. This means that you want to be someone that people can collaborate with. It also means that you want to be good at communicating with others as well, which can only serve you well in life along with being self-sufficient.

Now, what is your last animal? A cougar? Wow, that is fantastic!

The third animal is the hardest for people to decide because it represents the honest of how you view yourself, which is hard for anyone to honestly view themselves. 

A cougar, like any other big cat, is the king its habitat. Their biggest joy is hunting and its favorite past time is napping. They are sexy and they definitely know it. They live life on their own time and only abide by their rules. Big cats make the rules for everyone else in their habitat. Most importantly, cougars know how to adapt to survive in almost any situation that life throws at them.

Cougars represent people who have power struggles. They think that they are entitled to being the head honcho. But as hard as they work for their game, they get stressed out very easily, resulting in taking many naps. You are a person who lives life the way that you want it, making your own rules that you think others should abide. Despite all of the life struggles, you can adapt to anything to survive to only come out on top, just like a cougar.

This is a super fun game to play with your friends, on dates, and to strangers because it is a great icebreaker.

Ninety percent of people seem to choose a land, water, and air animal. A unique person chooses reptiles, vermin, insects, amphibians or anything that is outside of the box. That is when the game gets really exciting.

Major fun can only ensue if you can execute this exercise properly with your friends. It requires quick wits, persuasion, and great presentation. Most people answering the questions do not really give great explanations of why they would be that animal. Many times, the person being interviewed will give you a one sentence response. It is your job as the interviewer to know basic traits and facts about the animals because they generally apply to the person answering the question.

You can teach people a lot about themselves and vice versa.

This psychological test is humorously accurate and you will be surprised about the results. This is also something that you can do to impress people to make you seem very smart. It is a great way to trick people about your level of intelligence.

Many personality tests are not as fun as this one. This test can create a lot of great conversation that can continue for quite some time. Try this out and see where it takes you because you will be amazed what you can find out about people.

Remember, “The Zos Knows”. 

-David Zosel

If you want to support my writing and for me to be able to create more content you can make a donation to either of these links:

Venmo or Patreon

I will give 10% of the proceeds to ONETREEPLANTED, a charity that plant trees to restore life to degraded lands all over the world. For every dollar donated there will be one tree planted. 

Growing up around majorly different cuisines from most children, Vietnamese food has now been strongly growing as my favorite over Chinese food. Both being part of my upbringing, Vietnamese food takes the cake because of its heavy influence on my life. It is light, healthy, and very foreign to the usual American food. In the past two weeks, I have cooked three different Vietnamese dishes that are not very well known amongst western culture. This has allowed me to have an appreciation for my Mother and the cultural upbringing that I had. The biggest challenge is a test of patience because most meals in Asian culture take hours of preparation to bring forth to the final crucial minutes to execute the dish. It is exhausting, but very well worth the healthy lifestyle.

 

 

Another reason why I am doing this is that I am sick of bar food. It is absolutely perplexing how easily accessible to find burgers, pizza, and hot wings that are ready to eat at just about any place and time. I guess that is just America for you.

There is an education that you receive when you focus on learning dishes from a country’s cuisine, such as different cooking styles, techniques, and the origins of the dish. Learning the origins of the dish is very beneficial because it teaches you the history, etymology, geography and sometimes the political history of the country that you are emulating the cuisine for. That is only if you research the dishes like I do.

Cooking Vietnamese food has restored many values in me that I have lost when I was a kid. It has also brought back many memories of family gatherings and my Mother. I have come to learn that cooking is a relationship because you need to plant the seed, be patient, and watch it grow over time because the more you cook, the better your dishes will turn out.

When you explore a new cuisine, you get to learn about new types of ingredients and what they do and where to buy them. Ingredients for Vietnamese food are very specific and hard to find, so I have been spending much more time at Asian grocery stores to find these exotic ingredients versus commercialized stores like Lunds and Cub.

The other day, I spoke Vietnamese, Spanish and English all within the span of five minutes at Truong Thanh Grocery Store. I have not spoken three languages within that time span since I was five years old. Isn’t that something? This brought back great memories of my childhood.

Most importantly, the only person in the world who can cook these types of dishes for me is either my Mother or Vietnamese restaurants. This is quite the predicament because I do not live with my Mom anymore so it isn’t easily accessible for me. I can’t imagine my future spouse being able to make me Pho, Congee, or Caramelized Pork. Not to mention that there is a very strong divide between people who cook or do not cook. So, if I don’t learn how to cook this type of cuisine, then the odds of having it easily accessible are slim to none.

 

 

This frightens me because if I do not know how to make the food that I grew up with, then I will be losing a part of me. But, I do solemnly vow that I will be teaching whomever how to cook these dishes because it is my duty to show the world how beautiful my culture is. Moreover, it is important to remember that it is a very fun activity to share with people because cooking brings people together.

Henceforth, every week I have pledged to learn how to make a new Vietnamese dish. If I can master the cuisine that I grew up with then I will add cultural cooking to my arsenal of skills. But overall, my biggest goal with this new challenge of mine is to learn how to apply western cooking techniques to Asian cuisine in order for people like you and me, who live in this fast-paced world to be able to cook Asian food in a timely manner.

In conclusion, I challenge everyone to learn about their family heritage’s cultural cuisine. Whether you are Italian, German, Greek, or African, there is a lot you can learn by executing foreign dishes. This can further connect you to your roots and bring knowledge to something that you have been oblivious to your whole life: The beautiful cultures that our ancestors have hailed from.

This is why I am making a strong effort to get in touch with my cultural cuisine of Vietnamese food.

Remember, “The Zos Knows”. 

-David Zosel

If you want to support my writing and for me to be able to create more content you can make a donation to either of these links:

Venmo or Patreon

I will give 10% of the proceeds to ONETREEPLANTED, a charity that plant trees to restore life to degraded lands all over the world. For every dollar donated there will be one tree planted. 

When the nightmare injury of our beloved Teddy Bridgewater occurred prior to 2016’s very promising season for the Viking’s it was inevitable that the Twin Cities most passionately loved sports franchise is cursed. It is official, so accept it.

Every year the same thing happens to me in the following order where I get excited about our draft picks, then the Vikes get off to a good start to the season, and lastly, our heartbreaking Viking’s begin to slip away from any hope of winning the Super Bowl. Meanwhile, we watch the greatest player of all time, Aaron Rodgers and our arch-nemesis, The Green Bay Packers make another Super Bowl run.

As you can see, the Vikings are a manic-depressive tornado. They are not a team that helps ease your mental health if you bleed purple.

I am not the only habitually optimistic one, but I have learned that this team is an impending car crash and us die-hard fans tend to be one of the first ones on the scene.

Last year, I was in Bogota, Colombia when my ESPN app on my phone sent me a notification that Teddy Bridgewater’s leg almost snapped in half.

Teddy was loved by all including the elders, the children, and the new and old generations of our fan’s, who have bled purple since their birth. He was a special brand of quarterback that resonated with our Twin Cities sports market that gave hope to all walks of life for a Super Bowl.

His tragedy added another Viking’s scar on my arms that followed the ’98, 2000 (The Forgotten Season), ’09, and the notorious Blair Walsh missed field goal attempt. This list succeeds all of the previous Viking’s misery that happened before my lifetime. You could technically add the “Great Train Robbery”, where we obtained Herschel Walker in which we resurrected “America’s Team” (Dallas Cowboy’s) from its former glory, but I was just born when that happened.

But, there is great news for you! I have created a full proof system that will not lead the team to drive you insane ever again. With a little determination and self-discipline, you can overcome this impending car crash.

First things first, stop listening to Paul Allen on KFAN. Despite being an elite football mind, his main job is to pump fans up with absurd amounts of optimism to only have to team let you down once again.
When the Vikings go down in defeat, he builds you up again. When they win, he constantly praises the team. Realism and football are synonymous and Paul Allen just isn’t real. I use to be a believer in Paul Allen, following every word that he said. But, he doesn’t help my cause of finding a healthy relationship with my favorite team.

Next, do not listen to press conferences, read articles that are written online by outside sources. Do not pay attention to the NFL power rankings or any matchup analysists that predict outcomes.

Next, we must absolutely stop looking at the spreads that Las Vegas posts. Personally, I buy way too much into this because their predictions are pretty close to the final outcomes of games.

Another approach that you and I can take is by ignoring the entire league around us. This may be difficult because I may be the only one who doesn’t play fantasy football. But still, if you’re a Vikings fan, you are also paying attention to the Packers, Bears, and Lions. That could be six to seven hours of football that could make or break your day depending on the result of the Vikings.

Lastly, stop drinking absurd amounts of alcohol before, during and after the game. I have seen many fan fights in stadiums, tale gaiting, in bars and in the streets because of the result of the game. Also, drinking leads to a major high that leads to hitting a low afterward. Consuming alcohol has its perks, but we all know that it is detrimental to your physical and mental health. Consuming alcohol doesn’t ease the pain for this team or even make any matters better.

The only thing that I will do is to read the Star Tribune. If you stick to this, then you will have a physical copy of Viking’s insight in your hand. This way, there are no voices speaking to you that will influence your mindset going into the next game. The only voice is your’s, who reads the paper which allows yourself to make assumptions versus letting NFL analysts, big media personalities, create opinions for you.

Read what Jim Souhan and Patrick Reusse have to say about the Vikings and their thoughts. These are the last great sports writers in the Twin Cities who know how to tell you how it is versus saying things to get ratings and to stir your emotions.

Reading the newspaper may sound old fashioned but there is something romantic about holding newsprint in your hand while reading the current news of that day. There are no distractions of phone notifications, just the news.

I am just going to read the Star Tribune and I’ll turn on the television on Sunday to watch my favorite team, while I do my laundry and drink my Coca-Cola eating some chips and salsa.

Football is meant to entertain us for the two and a half hours of programming. If there is too much build up and emotional content, it won’t be good for your mental health and with lots of alcohol; your physical health as well.

In conclusion, this may be contradictory because I love the Vikings more than any team. Following this regiment will be an uphill battle to climb for me. But, if you’re a fanatic, that is who you are. I am not trying to change the mindset of the Purple Nation, but this is just my two-bits on how to not get too emotionally involved and torn by this impending plane crash of a team that we have.

Whatever, I am a fanatic and I am going to just do me which is a person who goes absolutely nuts for my team on Sundays.

Skol.

Remember, “The Zos Knows”. 

-David Zosel

If you want to support my writing and for me to be able to create more content you can make a donation to either of these links:

Venmo or Patreon

I will give 10% of the proceeds to ONETREEPLANTED, a charity that plant trees to restore life to degraded lands all over the world. For every dollar donated there will be one tree planted.