Mankind seems to have this addiction for hatred, violence, destruction, tragedy and the rest of the overpour from Pandora’s box. As of now, history has been shooting at us over and over again, repeating itself at a perpetually faster rate and we have no one to blame but ourselves. The media Philistines in today’s world seem to only highlight the dismaying disgust to get ratings, and by doing so it creates a huge ripple effect, influencing people of all ages. Monkey see, turn into a Gorilla and do. The worst part of this is that we glorify these terrible actions not only through the media but in film, literature, music, and every other medium. But, no one glorifies or takes the time of this simple and small of being more kind.

Clive James, who is fighting terminal cancer is a famous Australian writer that wrote in his poem, Lecons Des Tenebres, “I should have been more kind. It is my fate to find this out, but find it out too late.”

Look at any painting that was designed by an unknown local artist, and it is almost easier to say how bad that this specific painting is while sounding intelligent. It is nearly five times harder to say something constructively intelligent that compliments the painting in a very knowledgeable fashion. Why? Well, because it is easier to hate something or someone than to love. Mankind is now living in a world that is losing its mind, so this is why we should stop and be more kind.

If we did, then the ludicrousness that we see every day would be saner. But, we need to start now because our actions flow from the ones who watch us, which are the very impressionable children.

It seems like everyone everywhere is raising walls or tearing them down right now because it is easier to protect and destroy than to be cordial, inviting, and compassionate for others. We shouldn’t be building or destroying walls because we should be building skyways, doors, and bridges to welcome the idea of developing our own humanity’s connection, in a rapidly connecting world.

If terror has grown at an insurmountable rate since The Great War (WWI), then why hasn’t our altruistic affection for aiding humanity developed? Sure, it has developed to a minor degree, but not on a smaller personal level between people in everyday life, which would majorly impact the grand macro scale. For example (roll with this), it is much easier for an actor in a Hollywood movie to play a vicious vindictive villainous role than to play the wholesome protagonistic hero.

We should remember the acronym BAGG, “Be a good guy (girl)”. This should all be engrained in our minds, as we should try to be more kind because we are all actors in this movie that we call “Life”, and it is much harder to win an Oscar playing the good guy.

“God damn it, you’ve got to be kind,” wrote author Kurt Vonnegut.

Imagine if the media Philistines changed their approach on what they covered and how they spun stories and focused on the good, rather than the bad and the ugly. The influence of children would change dramatically and their future actions would be different, possibly leading to greater things. Hence, why we need to be more thoughtful to children. Moreover, children need to be more sympathetic to one another as well, and teachers have to pay more attention to help guide them to be better humans. Moreover, children need to be more kind to one another as well, and teachers have to pay more attention to help guide them to be better humans. We need to stop yelling, hitting, abandoning, and raising children in toxic environments that expose them to such terrors of the world. This right here, along with the media gives greater power to the future actions than we think. But if we are more thoughtful, we can ensure the type of confidence that the world will be in good hands after our generation leaves it.

Does anybody know what is going on anymore? Everyone is trying to fix things with hammers and drill bits in their hands, and we can’t do that anymore. What we need to do is to grow the idea of positive affirmation for one another. Put those hammers down, stop building these walls, and or destroying them whether if it is a micro or macro circumstance.

At the end of author Aldous Huxley’s life, he said: “It’s a little embarrassing that after 45 years of research and study, the best advice I can give people is to be a little kinder to each other.”

Kindness is easier than we think it is. You wouldn’t be mean to a child, right? Yet, as adults we still are. So, let’s be better for our future because when children grow older, their future selves are a huge reflection of what our present actions are.

How would you feel if something that you said to a teenager influenced them to drop out of school, or lead to them down the wrong path? Think about what your actions may cause towards someone and then in the future you find out that what you may have exposed someone to turned out to detriment their life.

I try to think about this notion every day, as the best I can. The wiser and older that I become, with more experiences, seeing, reading and writing that I have done, it has become more of a realization to me that more kindness is the only thing that comes out in the wash at the end of the human lifespan.

Now is time to take action. With our words, we can give three compliments a day to three different people. With our actions, we can make one small gesture of grand kindness. We can always take the time to help one person in need every day. If you can do those five little acts of kindness every day, then it can be a contagious virus that can slowly destroy all of the hatred in the world. We can prevent future tragedies and mishaps by starting with ourselves, spreading graciousness to the people within our own circles.

Right now the world is losing its mind and the only way that we can stop this is to become sane is to be more kind.

Remember, “The Zos Knows”. 

-David Zosel

If you want to support my writing and for me to be able to create more content you can make a donation to either of these links:

Venmo or Patreon

Valentine’s day, another American holiday that provides a lot of depression for many due to the romantic isolation of companionship. There is a lot of pressure for this holiday because of that possible void in our lives. There are numerous people who shrivel up and crawl into their empty homes and wallow alone on this very day, feeling left out on all of the romance in the air. But as we sit, talk, and listen to our shacked up friends exclaim their excitement about their plans for the holiday of romance, one can only feel somewhat a bit of lonesomeness in their heart. But, what we fail to realize is that Valentine’s Day is not about romance, it is about love.

Romance is just a nice subsidiary of how we are supposed to celebrate this holiday, and it has taken over the spotlight from love over the years through the consumeristic culture that we live in. As we dine, perform grand gestures, write love letters, sing songs and slowly kiss our loved ones under the stars, single people all over the world forget to celebrate love. Romance is for couples, and love is for everyone.

 

 

The greatest example of this is grade school. Do you remember when your third-grade teacher had your whole class make Valentine’s cards, or have Valentine’s Day card and candy exchange? As children, the lesson that we forget in this is that we are spreading love to one another, not romance.

Someone once spoke about a remarkable woman, who battled various illnesses, cancers, and terrible health conditions for over 40 years. Due to her health, she had no time to pursue any romances, but she still had the time to spread love to everyone that was in her life. When she passed away after a life filled with horrific health, hundreds of people showed up to her funeral because she offered so much love to everyone who entered her life. This woman’s life is the epitome of what Valentine’s Day is actually about. If she could devote her entire life to spreading love and joy, then we should start to think differently about Valentine’s Day.

Everyone has the power of love to spread in this world.

Despite the first dates, frantic searches for a Valentine, witnessing proposals, and seeing roses pointed in the noses of loved ones everywhere, Valentines Day is a day to spread and give love to others.

Call your family members and tell them that you love them, or let your friends know how much that you appreciate them. Use Valentine’s Day as a reminder to think about who loves you in this world. The holiday does not always have to be about stupid arrows flying around that impales romance to the victim. Maybe those arrows should strike the appreciation for love to all kinds of people in all of our hearts.

If you do not have a romance in your life, remember to spread the love on Valentine’s Day to the people who matter in your life.

One of life’s biggest tragedies is that perhaps human beings get so much enthusiasm, energy, and ire from hate. This is why we need to be reminded that a purpose of humanity is to love whoever is around to be loved.

Remember, “The Zos Knows”. 

-David Zosel

If you want to support my writing and for me to be able to create more content you can make a donation to either of these links:

Venmo or Patreon

When I saw my Mother yesterday, I shouted, “Mom! I can sleep! I can finally sleep!”

My Mother has always been worried about my sleeping habits, and she was ever so happy that I finally found a solution to this ongoing problem that I have had since I was 10.

What is that solution? Well, it is a blanket that has weight in it. Yes, that would be a weighted blanket.

 

 

Ever since I was a kid, I started to develop insomniac tendencies. I have been known to be able to go for days without sleeping. The fact that I can have one to two hours of sleep a night and then crush a full day is still bonkers to me. Being an insomniac isn’t cool because the lack of sleep seriously affects everything in your life that spans from mental to physical health.

For years I have tried everything under the sun, from pills, tea, reading, ambient sounds, audiobooks, and on so forth. So, who would have thought that a blanket with some beads in it would do the trick? Yes, a weighted blanket has solved all of my problems with insomnia.

A weighted blanket eliminates tossing and turning, leg shaking, and provides the comfort of being held. This induces a deeper and longer sleep because the weighted blanket simulates the idea of being held like a baby in a mother’s arms. This makes total sense because when we are born, we are held by our mother and cradled until we stop crying and fall asleep. Once we leave the arms of our mother as infants, we are wrapped up like a burrito and put in a crib.

If I am not mistaken, babies can cry in the middle of the night, correct? Whether it is because of a diaper needs to be changed or if the blanket becomes undone, Mom needs to be there to hold and comfort the baby so he or she can fall asleep again.

Weighted therapeutic blankets increase the serotonin and melatonin levels because of the deep pressure touch stimulation that it provides. This is otherwise known as “swaddling”. The magic formula for sleep that most people do not know is that you need to increase the levels of melatonin and serotonin while decreasing the levels of cortisol in your brain. Simply put, a weighted blanket is designed to do those three things for your sleeping habits. Due to this formula, this product benefits an array of post-sleep issues that most people struggle with.

The matter is that it administers comfort and relief that assuages disorders like anxiety, depression, restless leg syndrome, ADHD, and panic attacks.

Personally, I suffer from a lot of panic attacks and within the first week of using a weighted blanket, for the first time in my life I have not woken up in a panic attack. Do you know what that is like waking up with a panic attack every day of your life? It teaches you resilience because that is no positive way to start your day. Why do I wake up with panic attacks? Well, when you can’t ever sleep like me, it causes myself to wake up with a ton of stressful thoughts in my head due to the lack of slumbering.

The feeling of being securely hugged provides a grounding comfort, security, and safety that we all psychologically need so that when we wake up we feel energized, refreshed, and replenished.

Waking up without panic attacks has changed my entire life because of a blanket that provides deep pressure touch, which enables my body to finally relax. My days are so much better now, I can’t even begin to describe it. The fact that I can finally sleep has changed my life and it only has been less than seven days of using this type of blanket.

Mom, I can finally sleep. I am so damn happy! You do not need to worry about me sleeping anymore!

Remember, “The Zos Knows”. 

-David Zosel

If you want to support my writing and for me to be able to create more content you can make a donation to either of these links:

Venmo or Patreon

There are thinkers and feelers, and if we can balance both then we can be unstoppable. Thinkers can crack under pressure when systems go awry causing failure, and so do feelers when variables hit speed bumps and when the routine doesn’t become so routine before.

Imagine a ballet dancer who is world renown, who has danced in Carnegie Hall or some fancy New York City-high tie venue for the past 5 years. She suddenly breaks her ankle during the show. A robot wouldn’t break an ankle. The robot would be perfect. But, the robot makes the spectacle look like an instructional video rather than being a display of prowess and beauty. But, the robot can still malfunction. After watching Super Bowl 52, I began to realize that there are many robotic quarterbacks in the league, and there are many dancers in the league. But the ones who are a hybrid are unstoppable.

Tom Brady, the epitome of success, is a robot. His AFC adversary, Ben Roethlisberger, is a dancer. When Brady dropped that pass it showed us that robots cannot finesse. That is why machines throw to the wide receivers who mirror what a dancer does, which is putting on a spectacle on a grand stage. Brady is well regimented, strategic, and fundamental which shows that he is well engineered. But, when there isn’t enough grease, or if a part malfunctions, then he is broken. Now, let’s look at Cam Newton, a feeler, a hip-hop break dancer who plays quarterback. When he is not feeling it, he is mediocre at best. But, when his rhythm is flowing then he is impossible to stop.

If we can be technical and creative, then we can be unstoppable. This is the ultimate challenge because most people can be one or the other. It is important to acknowledge the notion of balance between using your right and left brain.
Drew Brees, Aaron Rodgers, and Russell Wilson all have that intangible of the perfect balance of precision and creativity. When they play with that perfect yin and yang then they are nearly unbeatable.

Be an engineer, be a dancer, be balanced, and become unstoppable.

Now, moving away from the quarterback metaphors, let’s get back to earth.

 

 

A robot wakes up and has a regimented routine on how he or she prepares for work. Hit the alarm, get out of bed, shower, make breakfast, puts on clothes and then leaves for work. This is quite the contrary for the dancer. There is no rhyme or reason to the dancer’s madness. The dancer could skip breakfast, shower, or may never get out of bed until noon. He or she may take more time eating breakfast, or sing November Rain in the shower. Who knows!

But, the dancer flows from moment to moment. The dancer doesn’t get stressed but enjoys the intimate moments of making coffee rather than looking at it as another mundane chore. But, the hybrid can make the coffee with the right amount of grounds, the perfect water temperature, all while making eggs and bacon just the right way at the same time. Meanwhile, the hybrid can take a relaxing five-minute shower, while enjoying the ripples of warm water dropping gently on their skin. The hybrid can enjoy the moment and focus on the task at hand, which is a hard feat to master.

Live with routined regiments, and live with passion and flare. Row your boat gently down the river, if you row with the flow then you will arrive at your destination safely and on time. If you row too fast or slow then a part could malfunction or you will lose focus on the destination.

Luckily for the history of mankind, robots and dancers cannot live without one another. A robotic quarterback needs a receiver who can dance in order to succeed. Co-existence has lead to the progression of human civilization. Great literature, dynasties, empires, and enterprises have started with two people who mirror each other in the way that the robot and dancer do.

With an ever-changing world, we need to evolve into hybrids to adapt. Finding balance is the next step. Being tricky either way, it can be a path to success, but equilibrium is the key to being a force to be reckoned with.

Remember, “The Zos Knows”. 

-David Zosel

If you want to support my writing and for me to be able to create more content you can make a donation to either of these links:

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With many moments of glory, there comes a moment of tragedy that may be difficult to comprehend because that small moment of horror can change everything.

When I was nine years old I couldn’t believe that my favorite high school hockey player, Andy Carroll, scored the go-ahead goal in the state championship game for the Roseville Raiders. Then suddenly the camera pointed at his mom who was holding a red flashing goal light as she was jumping for joy that her son ripped the puck through an Anoka defensemen and goaltender’s five-hole. Yes, he scored a double five-hole goal in the state championship game. When I checked Instagram a few days ago, I had found out that he just had passed away at a young 32. That nine-year-old David Zosel looked up to that high school hockey star as if he was the greatest thing since sliced bread.

When you grow up being a high school hockey star like Andy Carroll was, you really don’t have the time or give any conscious effort to build a role modeling relationship with a nine-year-old when you are perceived as a hotshot hockey player. Andy Carroll was not that at all. I am writing about Andy Carroll because he was an absolute Saint. As I am writing this I cannot wrap my head around the question of why do bad things happen to such good people?

It doesn’t make any sense to me.

My relationship with Andy started at a very young age at Roseville’s Sertich Hockey Camp, which for me was great because a lot of the high school players became your coach for the summer. In hindsight, you could tell that most of those 16-17-year-old coaches were there to fill water bottles, carry a puck bag, move the nets, or to make a small paycheck during the summer. Not Andy Carroll, that is for sure. He took a notice of me, made me feel welcome, taught me how to shoot, sauce the puck, and much more. He treated every kid the same, making everyone feel important during his ever first stint as being an ambassador for young hockey players.

Being a person of color in a predominately white sport, at that age I felt very uncomfortable in being a part of a locker room atmosphere because I looked different from everyone else. Andy included me in the comradery, welcomed me to the locker room, and he made an effort to talk to my parents after practice. I’ll never forget the day that he went up to my Father and told him about how much my skating had improved. Boy, did I think that was the coolest thing ever in my nine-year-old head.

We’ve been friends ever since.

Changing lanes, I followed his hockey career when he played for the University of Minnesota Duluth, which was great because my friend’s brother, Jordan Fulton, played for the Bulldogs at the same time, who was another high school player that had a big impact on me.

Years later, when I had my big high school hockey moment, you better believe that I got a phone call from Andy Carroll. He was one of the first people to call me and leave a voice message. It wasn’t a text or any other form of technological-social media communication, but an old-fashioned phone call. What a class act. On top of that, it needs to be mentioned that he called me right after the game as well. As I recollect this memory of him, Andy was more pumped than I was and more enthusiastic than anyone else about my big glorifying moment as a hockey player.

Remember, my relationship started with him when I was eight or nine years old, and it organically grew throughout the years.

This is a guy who followed his faith, never swore, drank, did drugs, talked bad about anyone, he was always positive, passionate, and persistent. Andy only followed what he believed in and walked a righteous path in life. He only wanted to help others get to the next level not only in hockey but also in achieving success in life. Most importantly, his modesty and humbleness rubbed off on so many people.

When I got word about this tragedy, I texted a former teammate of his, Jordan Fulton, and I told him that he was lucky to have played on a team with him. I wish I could have played on a hockey team with him.

My favorite moment with Carroll was when he told me that he would do anything to go to Europe and play hockey with Marty Sertich; Hobey Baker Award Winner, Mr. Hockey, and longtime Roseville Raider linemate. I thought that was remarkable because I was jealous that he genuinely told me that with such honesty because the only person that I could say that about was him. I wanted to be on his line, playing for the Roseville Raiders back in the 2003 State Championship game. But, I never told him, and that is why I am saying this now.

There are very few upstanding young men like Andy Carroll in this world. Despite all of these great qualities that he had, he never judged anyone for their sinister vices. This says a lot because we as humans are very judgemental, therefore his ability to accept others for who they were without any judgment was his greatest quality that I admired.

We kept in touch throughout his hockey career, but it was incredible how I got the honor to reconnect with him in my early adulthood when I got to work in the same building with him in a hockey workout training facility. He was there anywhere between one to three days a week, and you better believe that those were my favorite days when he was there. Not every kid in the world gets to reconnect with his childhood role model to only be working beside him. Albeit we did not work for the same company, but I would always help him with drills, workouts, and his skills classes.

It was the best to be able to shoot pucks with him while we both had work breaks. Man, he could really rip the puck compared to me. Which is why he was a pro hockey player and I was not.

That being said, why do bad things happen to good people? I don’t know all of the details of what or why this happened to him. But, I never want to know the truth of such an evil that did this to the world.

It isn’t fair. Life isn’t fair. It isn’t even supposed to be fair. When something is not right, fair, or just, you have to speak up. You have to say something and this article is everything that I have to say about him.

There was nothing more important to me when I was a kid who didn’t really feel comfortable playing hockey to hear some encouragement from someone that you looked up to. A small act of kindness can really go a long way.

The world has lost one valiant upstanding class act.

May his spirit live on.

Remember, “The Zos Knows”. 

-David Zosel

If you want to support my writing and for me to be able to create more content you can make a donation to either of these links:

Venmo or Patreon

When the “Minneapolis Miracle” struck pandamonium in the aura of our Minnesotan hearts of whom bled purple for their entire lives, I realized that I may have been one of very few Vikings fans wearing a Case Keenum jersey. If there were others, then I am 100% ten fold certain of the fact that I am the only one who was wearing a Nike Color Rush special edition version of his jersey that we didn’t even wear this year.

Forever these words will be branded into the brains of the brave-bold-bodacious Vikings fans for the rest of our future history when Joe Buck utterly sang the “sanctuarious” song that sonically sounded:

“Keenum steps into it.

Pass…is…CAUGHT!

DIGGS!

SIDELINE!

TOUCHDOWN!

UNBELIEVABLE!”

I don’t own many sports jerseys unless the player resonates with me, has a cool number, and plays with my favorite team. Well, Case Keenum hits all of those hard to capture categories. Also, I have very frugal tendencies so I habitually do not buy things for myself ever besides gas, food, and gifts for loved ones. Investing in a physical item for myself, let alone a jersey of a player is a major honor.

Changing lanes, when I was a kid, during the ’98 season I wore a Cris Carter jersey that my Father purchased for me. Boy, I wore that loud and proud, letting everyone know that Cris Carter was the bee’s knees. Yes, I was 6 years old and if you didn’t have a Cris Carter jersey on the playground, then you were not as cool as me. No one had that jersey and that meant that I was the coolest kid in school. Even up to the fifth graders, a kindergartener was cooler than they were.

I wore that jersey at least once a week to school until I grew out of it in second grade. My Father is the reason why I am a die-hard Vikings fan, and this may be the reason why I am very passionate about it.

If you’re hanging out with me during a game, and I am ignoring you because of what is going on the television then don’t take offense. Rarely, if I engage with you on another topic than Vikings football then that probably means that I really like and respect you.

Throwing it back again, in third grade, my Father bought me a Patrick Roy jersey, my favorite hockey player of all time. I wore that jersey every day for six months as the Colorado Avalanche made their Stanley Cup run. You better believe that I didn’t care about what other kids on the playground thought of me when I wore that uniform every day. No kid in Minnesota had that jersey, and at a young age, I took pride in being an individual.

I learned the lesson of being a trailblazing non-conformist kid, which follows my spirit till to this day.

Kid’s made fun of me so much that it was a huge problem, where they stole my jersey, pulled on it, ripped it, and tried to ruin it with glue and so what forth. This gave me tenacity and a crazy amount of mental toughness when I was only 9 years old. It was so bad that the Principal had to come into our classroom to set things straight for my class. I’ll never forget as a kid when she said that everyone needed to understand that they didn’t know what it was like to be so proud of something in their lives, and what it was like for something so powerful to resonate with them. Mrs. Wyatt, my third-grade teacher interjected that it was so remarkable of how she has never seen any kid in her 30 years of teaching, a student that was so prideful in something in their life.

Due to my grandiosity as a child, it got me into a lot of trouble. I needed to find other ways to be cool, and after that experience as a kid, I learned that the only way to do that was to be a good person. Therefore, I never wanted a jersey for anything else, for any other player, for any other sport for the rest of my life.

But, my Father was always there for me. Eleven years later he bought me a Jared Allen jersey, my favorite player for the Vikings at the time. Last year for Christmas, he bought me a Harrison Smith Jersey. My Father is the greatest man I know, and I will cherish those jerseys forever but nothing will compare to my Case Keenum jersey; the first ever jersey that I have ever purchased in my life.

After the second half of the Tampa Bay game this past year (9/24/17), I became a Case Keenum believer as I understood what he meant to me because of all of our commonalities. When he takes the field and leads the offense down the field, I am doing it with him in spirit.

The following Monday I customized a Nike Color Rush, purple, and gold, number seven Case Keenum, Minnesota Vikings uniform.

SKOL.

If you own this same jersey and have written about Case Keenum, then you’re almost as cool as I am. We could possibly start our own club because together we are the coolest kids on the block.

Fast forward to right now (1/14/18), as my divisional round playoff party ended, we left my house and walked to the bars to celebrate with a drink or two. Once again, I was the only one wearing a Case Keenum jersey, and everyone noticed.

Thank you, Case Keenum,for making me the coolest kid on the playground again for the first time since I was 9 years old.

SKOL, and you cannot forget that this Case is Closed.

Remember, “The Zos Knows”.

-David Zosel

Recently, I released my mental health written in a real-time memoir about my experience with prescription medication for my bipolar disorder. I call this psychological adversity my “gifted curse”, which is an oxymoron just like myself. But, maybe we are all oxymorons? Who knows.

Reluctantly, I was afraid to put out this book and I had second thoughts about it because I would about to be putting a tiny wood chip of my suckling soul out there for the world. That is a scary thought for anyone, and for me todo it gave me anxiety leading up to the day of publication.

Why did I do this? Simple, I wanted to help people. There is a lack of awareness, information, and understanding of how mental health can cripple people from reaching their greatest potential. This book means a great deal to me, as I have been absolutely tortured by the monsters in my head which have prevented me from flourishing the way that I want to.

My goal with this book is to help someone who is lost. Psychiatrists to understand. To make therapists empathize. For parents to accept their loved ones. By putting out this extremely personal piece, in a three-part series, I now will have the power to help someone, and that is all that I want.

Here is the summary of my book:

“Gray Poopon” is the first volume of author David Zosel’s book series “Conquering the Gifted Curse of Bipolarism.” It’s a real time memoir of the changes that he goes through with prescription medication to aid his Bipolar 1 Disorder. Zosel slowly discovers powerful interior and exterior changes while taking his meds, which he refers to as “gray poopon.” Written during a time of serious lows in his bipolar cycle, he provides brutal honesty regarding his fears, current life adversity, self-betterment, and quest to finding balance. Join Zosel as he journeys to recognize that medication does not solve all life problems, but can be used as a partial guide to finding equilibrium. Learn how he finds sheer determination to survive and thrive with Bipolar Disorder.

Right now, there is a FREE Kindle download available until January 17th. Click here for the link to download.

If you would like the paperback version, click here for the link to purchase.

I just want to help someone and make a difference so that those who suffer from a mental illness can transform it into a superpower to survive and thrive in this crazy world.

Remember, “The Zos Knows”.

-David Zosel

If you want to support my writing and for me to be able to create more content you can make a donation to either of these links:

Venmo or Patreon

Here is a small excerpt from my first book, “Gray Poopon”, which is the first volume of my series, “Conquering the Gifted Curse of Bipolarism”. This is a real-time memoir of the changes that I go through with prescription medication to aid my Bipolar 1 Disorder. This is a documentation of slowly discovering powerful interior and exterior changes while taking medication. This is extremely personal information where I provide brutal honesty regarding my fears, current life adversity, self-betterment, and the quest to finding balance.

1/16/17

Mania has always controlled my life, and depression has severely prevented me from life itself. Now, it is time for me to stare this demon in the eye and take it down. I want to start this journey with an exercise. First, I want you to inhale and then exhale through your mouth. Do it again. Now, do it faster then scream, “ahh” every two times. Next, do this ten times fast. Last, imagine “William Tell Overture” slowly playing while you do that. This is how my life and mind work, causing me to never flourish the way that I wanted to. There are too many ambitions, ideas and aspirations that I wanted to obtain in this life, but this problem, my struggle of my severe bipolar disorder has caused me to encounter major setbacks in my life.

Now, imagine breathing like Darth Vader slowly when you wake up and then it continues like that for the rest of the day. Then your day feels hopeless as you move like a sloth. Depression is the worst when you’re bipolar because you are so far deep down on this spectrum that it is worse than being diagnosed with actual depression. Now, imagine feeling like this for nine to eleven months straight after a manic episode that recently occurred for three to five months of hearing, “William Tell Overture” in your head all of the time.

I hate waking up everyday feeling like a different person. The only person that I want to be is my best self, David. There are so many alter egos that I have when I wake up. This has destroyed me in my early adulthood, but I am tired of this stupid excuse because it isn’t an excuse anymore. Ever since my diagnosis of bipolar disorder two years ago, I have made an effort to neutralize and improve my mental health everyday through shear determination, willpower, and without medication. My therapist says that I am one of few who she has seen in 20 plus years who has worked so hard with no medications to get better. But, I can’t shake it at to sustain a state of equilibrium for more than a few days.

It is time to try something new because I need help. This demon is going to be destroyed, and it is time for me to take my life back so I can live with discipline, spontaneity, freedom, and the creativity in the controlled fashion that I want to.

Prescription medications are the worst. I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder over two and a half years ago, and I have chosen to battle this demon or angel without medication. Nevertheless, it has been rough. The pills they made me take in the hospital made me feel like a normal person. Who wants to feel normal? It was disgusting. I wanted to kill myself. So, I decided not to take prescribed medications for bipolar disorder. You may have heard of Lithium and Depakote because those are mainstream bipolar disorder treatments. Those are stupid names. Do you want to hear an even dumber name, Lamictal? Yes, medication names are dumb. Let’s be honest; I am going to re-brand this drug calling it “Gray Poopon,” spelling it like the color and how I assumed it will make me feel, pooped on. Let’s be honest, taking Lamictal is either going to make me feel like a fresh jar of Grey Poupon or like a Gray Poopon. I don’t know what the answer will be to that is yet. But, this is going to be an account of my yearlong journey of taking Gray Poopon. Hopefully, by the end of the experience, I’ll be on your futon spreading your girl like Grey Poupon, not feeling like a Gray Poopon. Which one of those results do you want for me?

Want to read more?

If you would like to purchase a copy of my book on Amazon, here is the link to get your paperback copy.

Also, if you prefer the Kindle version, here is the link to purchase your ebook. 

 

Remember,

“The Zos Knows”

-David Zosel 

During my entire life, I have struggled with constant panic attacks. Since last Wednesday, December 13, 2017, I suffered from over 50 panic attacks. This also includes one constant 24-hour panic attack. As I mentioned in my last article I suffer from bipolar I disorder, dealing with many panic attacks. Over the past four years, I have developed methods for ending my panic attacks, and I would like to share them with you.

Therapists provide a lot of information on the web, but the best way to prevent a panic attack is to know what works for yourself. The problem with mental health websites is that they only give technical procedural advice, but they do not provide any basic specific things that you can do.

Here are some examples of the things that they say online:

Breath slow. Stop and think. Think positively. Relax. Distract yourself. Stop negative thinking. Use coping statements. Recognize that this is what your body is supposed to do. Know that they will all end.

This is great information, but it is all written by professionals who speak in hieroglyphs to people who cannot decipher them. What I am doing is giving you my comprehension through effective examples of what I do.

Panic attacks put on a facade of the idea that the world will end. The most important thing to know is that you are in control of it.

In no particular order, here are effective things that I do:

 

 

Don’t think! I do not know why advice online says to “Stop and Think”. It makes no sense because your thoughts are racing. To combat this partake in activities that use little to no thought.

I change my environment. A change of scenery always tricks my brain and train of thought. It is effective in the sense that it will change your thought process and assuage panicking.
A change in perspective is vital because you will adjust to your surroundings.

Exercise is vital. If I can’t get to the gym, I get outside and start walking. Once, I walked ten miles by myself, listening to music. Walking is surprisingly very therapeutic.

Breathe. We obliviously hold our breath too long while under attack, or you are suffering from shortness of breath. Take ten deep breaths. Breathing is the easiest task that you can do right away. Never forget that it is hard to live life without breathing. If you can breathe then you can do anything.

I remove myself from social situations. If I have to be there, then I leave the room, go for a walk or to the bathroom.

Do not call or text anyone that you are seeking attention from. I lost one of my best friends because I freaked them out over the phone. Moreover, stay away from your phone because notifications add to the stressful anxiety.

Don’t talk to people unless you trust them. A big mistake that I made was that I talked to strangers and called people on the phone. Keeping your thoughts to yourself is the best way because, in the end, you’ll be fine. All in all, your panic attack will end and then your random interactions with people will embarrass and make you depressed.

Do something goofy. I jump up and down on my bed and I pretend that I am a rapper. This provides a nice release in the brain because it can calm you down. My favorite thing to do is to talk to my cat.

Think positively about your small victories. The little “wins” that you have had during the day is a great way to trigger the positive optimism in your brain which can help nullify your anxiety. This reminds that you’ve been proactive and whatever lies ahead of you will be another small task to accomplish. I find small victories in doing the dishes or any small task. While under a panic attack, I remember those little things, then I slowly am ready to take on bigger tasks. If you have ten minutes a day to solve, fix, accomplish, and etc. for a task then it will still get you closer than before. Numerous small battles equate to winning a bigger war.

Do not go thrill seeking by drinking at a bar, consuming drugs, skydiving, approaching strangers and on so forth. Substance usage is not ever good for mental health. If you think smoking marijuana is going to be helpful, then think again because it is only a temporary solution.

Live vicariously through other mediums. Write, read, draw, watch a movie, or indulge yourself in your favorite album. Find something that can take you away from reality for a bit. This calms the brain. For me, I write a thousand words and then my panic attacks are gone.

Eat. I carry a granola bar to nibble in case if an attack strikes. This way your stomach has something to do in order to distract your brain. Plus, if you are suffering from recurring panic attacks it is very difficult to eat because your stomach wants food, but your brain is too stressed out to eat.

It is important to be fearless. Most importantly, do not be afraid of panic attacks. Each time they occur, it only makes you stronger. Every time you fight them it gets a little easier.

In conclusion, panic attacks are how your brain plays tricks on you. That is all it is. With my advice, I have shown you how to trick your brain back so you can get your day going again!

Remember, “The Zos Knows”. 

-David Zosel

If you want to support my writing and for me to be able to create more content you can make a donation to either of these links:

Venmo or Patreon

I will give 10% of the proceeds to ONETREEPLANTED, a charity that plant trees to restore life to degraded lands all over the world. For every dollar donated there will be one tree planted. 

This is my confession of acceptance to the world. I suffer from the severe Bipolar disorder that I have and it has really held me back thus far in my mid-twenties. Do not feel sorry for me because this is my “Gifted Curse”.

After finally growing tired of waking up everyday feeling like a different person during my non-medicated stint of bipolar disorder, I made a change for myself because it was the right time in my life to move forward to nullify the constant disbalance in my life.

Four years ago I started to notice a higher power that was comparable to when a superhero discovers their powers. My friends and family viewed it differently as I fell into serious insomnia, racing thoughts, decreased appetite, and my mouth could never keep up with how fast my brain was moving.

At the time I thought that this was the greatest thing ever, seriously, despite my physical state my life was a holiday. I could access every part of my brain, and now I could finally put it all together and use it to conquer the world.

The way I viewed my changes was as if I had become a super mutant in X-Men. Whereas all of my friends and family became very concerned about me. I wasn’t capable of knowing the reality that I was in because of my delusional mania.

From five projects I was suddenly doing 20. There was one point that I kept dropping things in my apartment going from one task to another. I was walking back and forth fleeing from one thing to another, finding myself always out of breath. From working, financing a short film, promoting a Kickstarter, moving, starting a business, writing a screenplay, and with the list that ensued I was ready to take over the world.

When inspiration struck every five seconds, I furiously wrote them down in a booklet. Now, I can’t even read the maniacal handwriting. Then I started breaking glasses, furniture, and getting paper cuts accidentally.

It became clear to everyone, except me.

They told me to get help, and I refused to listen. I was flourishing and no one could stop me from reaching my potential.

It is hard to recollect the phone calls or what my diabolical plan was to take over the world through filmmaking, entrepreneurship, my own 747 private jet filled with champagne and perfect 10 models, and all the excess that I could achieve at age 21.

Darkness struck and I do not remember any of the details of the 48 hours that transitioned me into a very spine-chilling life chapter.

Then I woke up in a detained room in a hospital. For the next part of my life, I spent time in a psychiatric ward at North Memorial Hospital being informed that I had type I Bipolar Disorder.

I couldn’t accept it. Every day I tried to get out of that wretched place trying to convince everyone that I was fine. Compared to everyone else, I was happy and they were all sad. But, you cannot compare your situation to others, ever.

After being pumped with many of drugs, I vowed to never go back again. The aftermath of being released to the outside showed me life wouldn’t be the same as I found myself being reborn into something that I didn’t understand.

I scared all of my close friends away. The only people that I had in my circle was my therapist and family. I am thankful that I had my family because people who go through this sometimes don’t even have that.

After months of medication, hair loss, weight gain, and medically induced suicidal thoughts, slowly I eased myself back into a gray life. Then I decided to stop medicating in order to discover who I truly was.

Since then I have documented all of my tendencies with the help of my therapist. Last year in the fall of 2016, I learned that bad things happen in threes. With all of the natural things that I did to combat Bipolar Disorder, I could not handle insomnia, delusions, paranoia, stress, and all of the brewing mania. With one slip up, I could have gone back to the hospital. With me seeing these changes, and finally knowing myself better than everyone else, I made the decision to commit to a medication that I had never tried before, Lamictal.

I call it “Gray Poopon”, the title of my first volume in my book series, “Conquering the Gifted Curse”. This is the world’s first written in real time memoir, as I document every change that I go through with medication along with my life and how I handle my problems. The etymology for the title came from the fear of what medication can do. I didn’t want to lose my productivity, bravado, and ambition. I am horrified of feeling gray and pooped on by Lamictal. All I want in my life was to feel like a fresh jar of Grey Poupon.

Reality is now the hard part that is beginning. Now I am sharing with people my three-part documented journey with medication, self-betterment, and life problem solving to find balance in the life of a swaying monstrous mindset. I have never been so scared, but I am giving it all to the world.

I am sharing my journey to provide vital information, swallowing my pride and shallow secrets. On January 5th of 2018, I am releasing “Gray Poopon”, my first book on Amazon. I need to do this in order to help people with mental illnesses. Releasing my problems to the world is going to help students, psychiatrists, and people understand their loved ones with mental health issues. I just want to help someone because I didn’t have any guide to this and maybe this will be the perfect help to someone. After reading numerous books, memoirs, stories, and blogs I really wished that I had something as specific as this because taking prescription medication is a terrifying.

This is my “Gifted Curse” and I have accepted who I am. Despite the adversity of it seriously holding me back, I have great advantages and it is no excuse.

“I am now learning to get my life on, harnessing this X-men power by the hour, getting my superhero on, with Charles Xavier naming me The Gray Poopon.”

Remember, “The Zos Knows”. 

-David Zosel

If you want to support my writing and for me to be able to create more content you can make a donation to either of these links:

Venmo or Patreon

I will give 10% of the proceeds to ONETREEPLANTED, a charity that plant trees to restore life to degraded lands all over the world. For every dollar donated there will be one tree planted. 

 

There is no such thing as a guaranteed happy ending that pertains to our lives. Humans all walk around with the weight of past failures, present hardships, and future heartbreak upon their shoulders. Life brings many dimensions such as risk-taking, relationships, and new beginnings. Within these three views of life, they all begin with moving forward through a journey. Some of them end, and others last. Heartbreak may seem terrible, but if we can look back and enjoy the journey with the strength to endure the moment, then heartbreak can be the most beautiful feeling ever.

Taylor Swift and her family got up and moved from Pennsylvania to Nashville when she was very young as she pursued a dream amongst many others who did the same in the Music City. As audacious as she and her family were, there was still a fear somewhere in the back of their minds that this action could be all for nothing. Many musicians fail in Nashville, but many thrive. Her parents knew that they needed to sacrifice everything to help their daughter pursue her dreams because they didn’t want to know what it was like to not have taken this chance. Buried in the backs of minds of many artists and struggling musicians all over the world, there is a fear of heartbreak and failure while they pursue their dreams. But, the journey outweighs all of the failures, hardship, and heartbreak. Even if the pursuit was a bad experience, at least one can have the courage to face fear eye to eye and go for something that they wanted.

Nothing is more admirable.

Relationships are hard. They either end or you spend the rest of your life with this one special person, with the slight chance of failure. Nothing is for certain. Many break-ups occur and radios, love letters, grand gestures, and rocks are thrown at windows, but at least someone does something about it. The time spent, hands that were held, and the long slow wet kisses aren’t even the best part. It is the missing of one, heartbreak, and sadness in our hearts that we should embrace because of the beauty of the adventure is what makes a relationship with a loved one truly amazing. This goes with any relationship, from even a glance at a stranger, a 90-hour hostel romance with a foreigner, a two-week fling, and even with the hardships of an everlasting marriage is what makes it bittersweet. It is slow ever fading forgetfulness about the other person is the worst part.

A door opening to another chapter can be exhilarating, leading to great optimism and opportunity. But, the problems from the last chapter that you had in your life will always follow you. What is most important to remember is that we must embrace what is ahead in this new chapter. Yes, and heartbreak, hardships, and failure could be lurking in that direction. But, so is momentum and success because nothing is a sure thing. Failure gorgeous because we only can learn from it and rise harder and stronger.

No matter what, all past failures, heartache, and hardships that we go through whether it is in relationships, risk-taking, or in a new chapter, they are there to provide a strong foundation in order to set us up for success to create a new level of life fulfillment. It is always easy to enjoy the journey when things go well, but it is difficult to keep that mindset when they go awry. But, those convictions can teach us a lot. It is hard to enjoy our journey if we ignore the struggle because, without failure or heartache, we cannot enjoy our successes whenever that moment arises. When that aching feeling happens, it is imperative that we look back and enjoy the journey with the strength to endure the moment, then heartbreak can be the most bittersweet.

Because in the end, the journey outweighs all of the pain.

Remember, “The Zos Knows”. 

-David Zosel

If you want to support my writing and for me to be able to create more content you can make a donation to either of these links:

Venmo or Patreon

I will give 10% of the proceeds to ONETREEPLANTED, a charity that plant trees to restore life to degraded lands all over the world. For every dollar donated there will be one tree planted. 

As he greeted Miss Gretchen, his Uncle August threw her rusty bucket across the family hardware store. He said, Jimmy, “Get another bucket.”

He left Wadena when August died, to become a veterinarian in the beginning of September. He failed vet classes to be a food inspector in the Navy. That’s when he met his lady, Carolynn Anne, saying, “Baby I got a plan.”

He said, “We’re moving to 14 different cities because this what life is all about. So let’s get up and shout.”

This is what life is really all about.

St. James was just being himself and that is what life is really all about.

This is what it’s all about.

A man of many vocations, he drove his family around the country in Volkswagen bus, and he said that there is no one like us. Courageous cunning characters, his kids were all rebellions just as he was but, except for one. The one who protects his mom.

I don’t know whose singing at the altar, but that seems to be my own father. St. James was the greatest alcoholics counselor who wrote letters saying:

Fearless factions fought for all the fakes, who don’t remember their own place. Be real just in case because this what people should be about.

He told his grandson to be himself because this is what life is all about.

A strange man beat down an afro-haired teenager down south in Tangletown, St. James said, “Get off him, get off him, off him!”

Then he looked at his son and said, “Stand up for what you believe. This is how it’s supposed to be. I’m not going to be anyone but me.”

Scream and shout, that this is what life is all about.

This is what it’s all about.

Saint James was the only one who knew what life was really all about.

Remember, “The Zos Knows”. 

-David Zosel

If you want to support my writing and for me to be able to create more content you can make a donation to either of these links:

Venmo or Patreon

I will give 10% of the proceeds to ONETREEPLANTED, a charity that plant trees to restore life to degraded lands all over the world. For every dollar donated there will be one tree planted.