CPB Journal.

My dog is dying. I feel so bad that my girlfriend is going through this without me. I love my Chloe Bear, and I don’t know what to do. Kaley asked me if I would be mad if she had to be put down without me.

There are 12 days before I get back, and I don’t know if I’m going to have to fly back soon. I want to be there for Kaley.

I don’t know how this will affect my performance in the final stretch for Crash Course.

Before you continue reading, I want to give a shout out to my sponsor Regain.US. I wrote this journal as a replacement for my therapist/counselor while I was away from her for two months in Boulder, Colorado. A very important step towards achieving better mental health is by finding the right therapist/counselor. For more information, please check out this link here: https://www.regain.us/advice/counseling/

This is one big thing that I’m learning, and that is long-distance stuff is not for me. I told her a few weeks ago that if I go somewhere, or if she goes somewhere, we go together. I’m learning that anything can happen outside of work. But, my number one rule is when you’re at work, keep your personal stuff out of the workplace no matter what.

Prospective creatives, please learn this. Being an artist, it is very hard to do that because we can be emotional people.

It’s crazy how audacious my last entry was. That is just the confidence that I have in myself, and now I am sunken to rock bottom with five days till the last presentation.

I don’t want to win, but I have too. I feel like Rocky in the first Rocky movie. He doesn’t want to win, but he wants to go the distance.

My hockey coach always said, “If you’re here, you might as well win.”

But, my girlfriend is losing right now. I need to be there for her, and I’m having panic attacks right now as I’m writing this.

Good thing I took my work home this weekend and made a 75-page slide deck to show my CD. I can do that anyway of the week, the reason why I did this now was that I got great direction last Friday from my CD, and I just ran with it.

As an intern, this is what you need to do. If you can’t handle the high stakes pressure of this industry, then get out because it’s not for you.

This is what I bring to the table. I’m a machine.

But, I need to slow down at this point because of what is going on.

ABC, David. Always be concepting, always be cool.

I can’t have the best of both worlds. I want to do incredible work for CPB over a 3-5 year span, and I have the drive and determination to do so.

For most people who have read my books, blog, and have viewed any of my work there has always been a shift between being happy and sad.

I’m bipolar, and it’s my greatest power because I have harnessed the good in it, and I can destroy the bad parts. Journaling about this at my desk right now has destroyed this panic attack.

I need to stay strong for the love of my life and keep moving forward on this project.

Hearing your girlfriend with bad news in the morning isn’t a great way to start the day. I wish I could be there for her.

I’m scared. I don’t know what to do, but I’m doing the best I can.

I don’t know. I don’t know. I love them so much, and I’m out here doing what I love.

Gotta stay strong. No matter what life puts you through.

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