Writing this journal helps replace my therapist. It’s almost as good, and it does what I need it to do to balance my bipolar disorder.

So, if you need guidance, one of the best ways is through self-reflection through journaling.

When I’m at work, I feel free and happy. But, when I’m home, sad and tortured. I really love Boulder and being at CPB. The people here are great. But, I have goals and my support system back in Minneapolis. It is totally selfish of me to be out here doing this.

My dog is dying, my grandma is dying, and my girlfriend needs me. I just miss my Kaley Pie.

This is boot camp in advertising. A strategist said that this program is way better than internships because we have a client to work on, present to, and to win an account.

This week’s client presentation went very well. BrainCO groomed me well for this moment. I know for a fact that my other two graduating classmates do not have this valuable experience at their agencies for the summer. I got denied by five agencies back in Minneapolis, and yet I get the most powerful experience.

I’ve got to put my hands in the Dominoes, Hotels.com, TRUTH, Jose Cuervo, 1800, and American Airlines creative melting pots along with trying to save the world with Good Spread.

I’ve created the most ideas, headlines, scripts, taglines, and conceptualizations in my program. But, that doesn’t mean anything. Although, it shows the type of pride I have in doing that. Lock me in a room and I’ll come out with more work than you.

I have a lot of projects to do in my life that are all currently a work in progress, but I need to focus on this one project. Time is running out for Crash Course, and I need to put every ounce of effort into the final stretch. For me, and for Kaley.

Ask yourself, what do I want to put all of my energy into? What motivates you the most? And focus all of your chi into it. Channel it. Take it.

Alex Bogusky is creating a new creative scientific method. My heart tells me that whatever it is, that of all people in the agency, I would benefit the most from it, and it would propel me to become the best creative… ever.

I have quite a few things in common with that guy. I’m just a little clueless at this point.

But, I know that I am a machine and nothing can stop me now.

Pardon my language, but fuck playing the political game. Kiss people’s asses and everything. But, be honest and be yourself. If you’re reading this then you’re probably a creative like me. You have an ego. You have a little bit of Picasso in you.

Your ego is your best your greatest weapon as an artist.

I was asked who should win this competition, and I said, my writing partner. I meant that with my head, but my heart says that it is me. I said it should be her because her creative energy balances the creative energy in the agency. But, it should be me.

At the end of the day though, I don’t care about winning this. I want to create the Subservient Chicken. If I can achieve that, a successful campaign, then I am winning.

Everything we have is good enough. And I think what we have sucks. I wish the client didn’t like what we have. I wish the client meeting didn’t go well. Maybe Tony and Kelly’s guidance helped propel us to that type of success.

This is why you must listen to your creative directors.

But, still. I have not unlocked the secret to Subservient Chicken. This is why whatever the method Bogusky has in store could make me one of the best creatives of all time. If I don’t get to be molded into that, then I’ll make my own way.

If that hefty foreseen vision and ambition doesn’t ever pan out for me, and until the day I die, then at least I can say I fucking tried.

That’s the only eulogy I need.

Alex Bogusky, you need me. I see so many second and third-generation advertising kids at this agency. This creates complacency. There isn’t enough diversity there, especially in the creative department, and overall it would be a mistake to not hire me or my partner.

I’ve been making my own way in this industry. I’m sure a lot of people at CPB have as well. But, I won’t lose that drive or hunger. I see Alex Bogusky, and I don’t see an advertising wunderkind, I see him as the fastest player on the hockey team that leads the drills, making the team keep up with him.

I’d like to see more of that from him. When we lost a big client account, I wish he gathered the troops and tried to boost morale.

That is not who he is. But, that is me.

My opinions don’t matter. The only thing that matters is the creative audacity that I can bring.

I only want to work here if I have a full-time job that is offered on a 3-5 year contract.

Just work hard, be honest, and be yourself. If you make a mistake, then fuck it. Be yourself.

My mom says, “Being yourself never works.” Well, being a political tactician never has worked for me either.

The honest truth is that my mom knows who she is, and that is what she is. But, I’m not her. It’s like Tom Brady. Everyone knows what he is doing, but that is him. If everyone tried to be like him, then the world would go mad. My mom is Tom Brady at Medtronic.

Seriously.