Here is a contributing writer to my blog. Francis Lee Carlson, an employee at my restaurant has a very big imagination and decided to create a fictionalized cartoon version of myself. After I read it, I thought it would be okay to honor his request to keep this post on my blog. If anyone wants to write an article on my blog, feel free to contact me. 

Remember, these are Francis’ words and not mine. I hope you enjoy the next 192 words of pure gloriousness. 

Hey, have you guys ever jump onto zoo tycoon and realize what a train wreck your life has become? That was my last night when I came back from my last day at my family’s wine bar. We were all set up to have a huge night. But alas and alack, nobody showed up. Just kidding, it was crazy AF. I proceeded to shout “closing time” at the top of my lungs as I zoomed in my full sized Hylander going 95 down 35W. After I got out of my car, I pounded seven four locos, and my best friend Seamoan went out for some late troll hunting. We hit up some badminton on the quad after waking up from yet another mushroom pass out. The next part is hazy but I’m almost positive that I met up with a Flash Gordon knockoff and the two hottest of the Berstein Bears and went on an absolute grind collecting all the overdue change from the Uptown parking meters. The moral of the story is, love yourself. Be the best David Zosel you can be. Be on the lookout for King’s Part 2: Electric Boogaloo.

Remember, I know everything.

-Francis Lee Carlson.

What beautiful words. I am still trying to process this fictionalized version of myself and it seems a lot more crazy than my life actually is. But, I am a writer which means my life is crazier than yours. If you would like to post a short article about a fictionalized version of me, feel free to contact me.