While I was at university, I realized that I was out of place. It is hard for one to be an individual amongst the millennial mindset in such an evolutionary era.
Stumbling home one night alone, I decided to watch the cult classic film, Reservoir Dogs. A bomb went off in my head, becoming dead set on what I wanted to do for the rest of my life: be a filmmaker.
My greatest dream that I ever had stemmed from an inebriated earthquake-explosion. I was a fool.
It was powerful having this interest that no one else had at university. I even went to film school in LA, wrote 10 screenplays and shot a feature film. This made me stand out, feeling on top of the world.
But in reality, it was a fabrication for a false reality.
I shot my mouth off to everyone in Minneapolis about how I was going to be the greatest filmmaker. Sadly, this is what I enjoyed the most about my so-called passion besides discovering my love of writing.
The process of shooting my first feature film was an important learning curve. I tried to reinvent every inch of the production, creating major shortcuts. If you make shortcuts for your passions, then that is not the dream or passion for you.
Do I call myself a failure? Hell to the no! By experiencing the process and wearing every hat, I learned what I was capable of.
Two years and one mediocre film later, I realized what I was meant to do and that is to tell people how I feel, inspiring hope with my literature.
There was a huge infatuation that I had with filmmaking, but I didn’t love the process. I loved the idea of what filmmaking could provide for me when I was to strike gold. Going to Hollywood premieres, parties and meeting actors. Just the glitz and glamor.
I’ve always known that I am a process person. But, the film production process isn’t for me.
There is a great analogy about how Cam Newton loves what football provides for him but he doesn’t love the process. Tom Brady loves the process hence, he is a champion. I want to be a champion.
Be a process person.
Being a dreamer isn’t bad, it is good for the soul. But, nobody ever talks about being a realitier. Living life isn’t easy with your eyes closed because you will crash into concrete walls.
Passions are synonymous with dreams. Your passions should be your secondary goals in life while the contemporary goals are your opportunities. Don’t follow a passion, pursue your opportunities.
Play the cards in life that you are dealt with the integrity to win.
If I really wanted to be a filmmaker, then I would be in LA, running amongst the others in the Hollywood rat race. I would have made it happen, but I dreamt too much and it’s nowhere near my realities.
It was a mere dream that I was too scared to wake up from.
No one can live in your dreams but people can live in your reality. By all means, follow your passions if and only if the opportunities present themselves.
When you don’t make or create your opportunities while the fire is hot then your head will be in the clouds forever. You will just be a dreamer and the process will never create you into a realitier.
I just started my quest of being a realitier last October when my best friend died. It saddens me that a death made my eyes open, realizing that life is easier to live without a blinding mask on.
His death provided me the opportunity to realize that finding success requires accomplishing three things:
1. Obtain wealth.
2. Obtain lands.
3. Create armies.
These opportunities to do these three things have presented themselves to me. I am going to take this route of finding a sustainable career. This is the new hand of cards that have been dealt and I must explore this opportunity.
Amongst this three ring ideology; if you get to have a family then you will be the most blessed because this is the ultimate success in life.
Remember success does not mean happiness. Happiness is based on perception. Having a family is my idea of happiness.
My best friend was my Grandfather, and despite being a spitting image of his face and soul; I want to be nothing like him.
I was born to win and there is a thirst for it. Never have I been victorious in anything significant; but that is yet to come. The only way I can do this is to offer the world my truest self and to spread positivity, love, and joy to all.
It is time to stop dreaming. The opportunities are presenting themselves, filmmaking is not an option.
Recently, I sold a television pilot to an agent who is shopping it around. If the opportunity presents itself then I will be able to pursue my passions. As for now, I have other opportunities to create an amazing life for the people I care about.
For now, I am using my opportunities in order to work on my dreams. I discovered if you follow your opportunities, your dreams will come back to you.
The old adage states, “If you love something set it free, and if it loves you, it will come back to you”.
I am working on a dream. It may seem far away, but the following of opportunity will make it my reality one day.
This is why I choose to be a realitier versus a dreamer.
This was the final lesson that my Grandfather taught me and it is quite stoic. This is strange because James Zosel was a hopeless romantic dreamer.
Being a filmmaker will not lead me to uphold my duty. It is not the process that I want to be a part of yet. This does not mean that I will give up on this passion because if I the three ring ideology to victory, then I can definitely produce a film by the time that I leave this earth; hopefully with a large loving family.
Life is about the forgotten dreams from the slumber that you awaken from, then having to deal with getting up and taking on the “reality of the day”. Once you can undergo this notion, the only thing left to do is breathe.
The process of filmmaking taught me that I need to keep writing. Ice Cube wrote himself out of Compton, JD Salinger scratched himself to a coming of age revolution, and Stan Lee assembled his Avengers. So, I better keep a pen in my hand at all times.
I need to write it all.
Remember, “The Zos Knows”.
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I will give 10% of the proceeds to ONETREEPLANTED, a charity that plant trees to restore life to degraded lands all over the world. For every dollar donated there will be one tree planted.
4 thoughts on “Why I “Gave Up” My Dream of Being a Filmmaker; For Now.”
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